News You Can't Use: Anger Rooms Are All the Rage

It's time for another story that just screams "societal health" and "Edward Gibbon didn't write about this sort of thing." It's an amazing tale about how ostensible adults (millennials, so call that one a push, to be fair) have been reduced to special smash rooms to cure the ennui that sometimes arises from having "whatever my professor told me" as a unifying belief system. Yes, it's time to wreck material objects to temporarily cure the massive void within and if we can earn a few federal reserve play-money notes in the process, well we are capitalists again now that whats-his-name went back to his native Hawaii or Indonesia or whatever.

Smashing things may not seem at first blush to be a winning idea to wrap a business around.

A demolition business? Removing decrepit buildings to make way for new and better construction. That's just, like, not a winning idea. Stick with this B-boy Crew, that's where the real money is.

Since March, however, nearly 1,500 people have shown up to break housewares, electronics and furniture at the Wrecking Club, two reinforced rooms in the basement of a building in the garment district of Manhattan.

New York don't play, sucka. My idea of weekend recreation is smashing a fudging microwave and putting the boots to a living room set. You in the garment district now, fool. Get out while you still got yo' life.

Many of this number are couples looking for something more piquant than the usual date-night fare, said Tom Daly, the Wrecking Club’s proprietor.

I've finally found a good place to take my "fatal attraction" head-case. You can just pretend you're killing my daughter's rabbit and then cooking it.

“That’s the cool thing about addressing an instinct,” he said on a recent steamy afternoon. “Everyone’s got it.”

Nihilistic and pointless destruction, the common glue that unites all of humanity. Who hasn't wanted to kick the stuff out of a love seat or whatever? If you said "no," you're a liar.

Last fall, politics drove the business at the Anger Room, which opened in Dallas in 2008. 

A city populated by costumed junkies, mole people and dangerous break-dancers and the one that shot Kennedy. These are the best sources of that highly non-decadent modern culture.

Clients showed up by the hundreds to batter human effigies of Hillary Clinton and Donald J. Trump.

We've said it before and we'll say it again: democracy is bad.

“We’ve helped a lot of angry couples,” said Stephen Shew, the owner. (His date-night package, $70 for two electronic devices and 20 items of crockery, from lawn gnomes to ceramic vases, is wildly popular on Valentine’s Day.)

Pleasuring yourself while openly weeping is also popular on that day, but I'm not sure how I can monetize that.

A starter session costs $30 for 30 minutes with two or three electronic devices and a bucket of dishes. 

You're paying for your time with the dishes. Whatever you mutually agree to do while together has nothing to do with the "donation" you already paid.

Die, flatware!!!

Sometimes people donate things, Mr. Daly said, adding that everything smashed at the Wrecking Club is properly recycled.
 

See, it's not wasteful idiocy from adult babies. We're saving the environment.

Mr. Daly has happy memories of demolishing a swing set in his parents’ backyard, at their request, after he and his siblings had left home, and these sparked his imagination.

I have warm fuzzy memories of busting swings.

“I wanted it to have a Brooklyn-in-the-1990s vibe. I think he crushed it.”

This is a joke. Why aren't you laughing?

Full Article.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.  

News You Can't Use: Judge Orders Mom Not to Get Pregnant Again

We live in a land of laws, no seriously stop laughing, and who better to interpret and enforce them than lawyers in black dresses? It just makes sense: spending your entire adult life finding ways to subvert and obfuscate plain language for your own selfish benefit is more than adequate preparation to become the defender of this sacred code in the twilight of your life. And if you maybe get a little wild with the rulings, that's to be expected and even praised. In New York City, where we don't play, sucker, the magistrates are ordering the world's worst scumbags not to have more children.

A western New York judge has ordered a mother not to get pregnant again until she is able to “get her life together” and become a responsible caretaker for her children, issuing the controversial decision after a fourth child was taken from the woman because of neglect.

It takes a special sort of "blank slate" madness to honestly believe someone like this is going to reform after a little tough talk and the court-ordered removal of a child she probably deeply resented as a burden. Maybe we should actually punish her instead of blowing hot air, but I guess offering a chance to take Strike Five is enough.

The woman, referred to in court documents as Brandy F., is a sex worker and drug addict who allegedly admitted to ingesting crack cocaine, methadone and alcohol while pregnant, Monroe County Family Court Judge Patricia Gallaher wrote in the December 27 decision.

Even by Big Apple standards this is a Bad Mother.

Her first child, born in 2007, has lived with his maternal grandmother after it was discovered he was “not protected from access to hypothermic needle."

Luckily an hilarious typo saves us from the grinding horror of urban rot and the broken humans it has swallowed up. Honestly, that needle is freezing, man! Get a coat on that sucker.

“Over and over this court has had to order children removed from the mother only to see her show up in court in a few months obviously pregnant, often by another man"

Yeah. Another man is generally required for the "where do babies come from" miracle.

In her ruling, Gallaher wrote that her goal was to allow Brandy to stabilize her life so she could one day have custody of her children.

Pollyanna shakes her head and tells you to start being a realist about this situation.

Brandy’s sons and daughter “would most probably rejoice in having [a] mother who was clean, sober and competent, and hopefully even would love them as a mother should love her children,” Gallaher wrote.

I'd most probably rejoice if I walked into my bedroom and Taylor Swift was waiting, naked and covered in various flavors of chocolate and ice cream, but that ain't happening either.

The judge, who retired in December, noted the responsibility to get Brandy back on track not only falls on the shoulders of the mother-of-four, who did not appear in court,  but also on caseworkers to offer family planning and contraception, as the law allows.

I'm literally giving a sermon to the walls. How about you case workers? You can fix this, right? I'm counting on you! *retires the next day*

Caseworkers cannot require a client to utilize family planning or contraception.

This might make that whole "carry it on your shoulders" thing a little difficult.

Ron Lugbill, Brandy’s attorney, told WHEC that they plan to appeal the decision.

It is absolutely essential that this drug-addicted prostitute has a fifth child, Idiocracy-style, and we're going to make sure it happens.

Abandoning your child is endangering the welfare of a child and it is a crime, not a constitutional right.

Whoa dude, let's wait until activist judges review this before we make this sort of outrageous statement.

Full Article.

Komment Korner

hypothermic needle?? what the hell is that?

People became 'hooked' on the Government 'Hand-Outs' which were not a 'Hand-Up' at all to the people that should have realized the true essence of the potential of the help.   

Kudows on the judge

Amanda Rooney.... maybe we can bring this up at the brown bag!

my gf's parents just got an almost new red Buick Regal GS only from working off a laptop.  


Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.  

Civilization V Countdown: #5 America

America, fudge yeah! Is any more of an introduction necessary? Well, yes, obviously. America has always been a strange case in the Civilization games, a relatively recent "tribe" going against opponents with thousands of years worth of history in some cases. In later iterations of the game this became less of an issue, but it always struck me as strange to see Boston as a bronze-age city with clay buildings and stone monoliths. The bottom line is America was never a favorite of mine until Part 5, which really got it right with the USA, as it did with so many other things.

Why is America #5?

Part of me likes America just because it's off badmouthed as a weak civilization or an inferior version of other, better choices. Even the usually even-handed Civilization wiki feels the need to tell us that America has boring unique abilities and won't come into its own until the modern era. None of that is even true, let alone the bottom slot on tier list America sometimes inhabits. In reality the extra line of sight is a nice ability for the entire game, helping with both exploration and war and the cheaper tile purchases is nice for anyone who regularly buys tiles i.e. any competent player. The unique units are fun as well, with the Minutemen getting an advanced promotion right away and the B-17 bomber which is both powerful and hard to hurt. I'm not sure why there's all this negativity against America, but I am a bit of a contrarian (wait a few days for my Venice review...) and this is a fun civ to play as.

The leader is Washington this time (Lincoln has appeared as well and in part six we're getting a ridiculous cartoon version of Theodore Roosevelt) and he appears in Mount Vernon, complete with a picture of the Oracle on the wall, finally solving that whole ancient 'murrca problem. It's such a cool little detail, well done whoever got that put in there.

  If you print this out and fold it you can make his head into a mushroom.

Most Memorable Game as America?

What started with the usual peaceful development became a battle for survival against a very hostile Mongol horde that wanted me gone. About halfway through the war I was able to start building Minutemen and was soon using them to fight steppe riders in the forests around New York. It's moments like this which make this game so much fun. It was like the world's worst, or possibly best, alternative history novel. American revolutionaries throwing off the Mongol yoke, using their own novel tactics to counter a ruthless and bloodthirsty Genghis that wants to make them a Golden Horde colony. One of you #amwriting newbies needs to make this concept happen, I'm dead serious. 

M.A.G.A.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.  

News You Can't Use: K2 'Zombies' at Brooklyn Intersection

There's a reason that New York City is the only city in America and quite possibly the world that actually matters and that reason is we just don't play, sucka. From Hello Kitty costume wearing junkies that will straight-up rush you, to mole people and of course the next President it's clear that living in The City is both no big deal and the biggest deal possibly imaginable, all at once. Stuff is so thick down here in Manny-Hanny that even fake dope users are a clear and present danger. Yes, abusers who can't even enter the Elmo Union are clearly no picnic, either. I heart sign this city so much it probably ain't even healthy.

A street corner in Brooklyn is one of the worst spots in the city for synthetic marijuana use, with users lighting up in broad daylight, passing out on sidewalks and stumbling out into traffic, according to reports.

Much like that episode of Degrassi Junior High where the prankster kid took vitamins and pretended to be high, except, I guess, slightly less humorous.

Even longtime residents of Bed-Stuy and Bushwick say drug use at the intersection of Broadway and Myrtle Avenue has reached “epidemic” levels.

I mean, "foughetta bout it." I've seen some crazy stuff during my time in the Earthly purgatory that is Bushwick, but these new placebo effect druggies are the absolute worst.

One man said: “I’ve lived here for more than 20 years, and it’s terrible now.”

Ten minutes to deadline, better quick whip-up a fake quote (for a story on fake dope!!!) that has no attribution whatsoever. That journalism school bunco, man.

Synthetic marijuana, also known as K2, is illegal to sell in New York City under legislation passed last fall amid a spike in use. But stores near Broadway and Myrtle are still dealing it — police have reportedly issued hundreds of summonses to store owners, according to a report in DNAinfo New York.

When we made it illegal we didn't, you know, think we'd have to do anything like go in stores or whatever. We were pretty sure the honor system would handle things in a city one bad day away from a return to a state of nature.

Lately, locals have been complaining about quality-of-life issues associated with the drug. 

"I barely felt anything at all from this hocus-pocus!"

New York City health officials issued warnings last spring after synthetic marijuana sent 160 people to hospitals in a little over a week.

There they were given sugar pills to treat the imaginary overdose effects.

The Death Wish vigilante probably doesn't agree.

“It’s an epidemic, every borough, every hood. Just look at the people on the corner, they look like zombies,” Trevor Tyrrell told DNAinfo.

I can handle cannibalistic underground dwellers, giant rats and roving violence gangs, but these zombies might be too much.

Last month a man with a dagger was shot and wounded by police in Bergen Beach, Brooklyn.

Yes, a dagger. Not unlike in "Mazes and Monsters." As a wizard it's the only weapon I'm allowed to use. These are my spells, I guard them with my life.

One teen who was at a rehab center at the time described the drug as a “big blackout.”

Not exactly the next Hunter S. Thompson, but it's the best we've got.

Full Article.

Komment Korner   

I’ve made $64,000 so far this year w0rking 0nline and I’m a full time student.

Doesn't unfettered liberalism bring about utopia?

60% of K8-K12 comprehension tested can not pass reading test. 60%... Only 43% can do math. We are sure doing a great job. But, they all know the size of Kardasians posterior.

They're obviously not the brighest among us but they are not doing anything in conflict with natural law.

I get paid £96 every hour from online jobs. I never thought I’d be able to do it

That's the spirit. Thinking hurts. Don't risk it. 


Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Staten Island Priest Sued for Vile Rants at HS

It's been far too long since we've had a "New York City don't play, suckah" story, but we've got a good one to return with. Seriously, NYC doesn't mess around. From the mole people and cannibal underground dwellers to dangerous cartoon mascots, the Death Wish vigilante and now the amazing cursing man of the cloth, the Apple is where it's at. God works in mysterious ways, after all, and those ways are never more inscrutable than when we've got a Staten Island pastor spewing profanity and catching some litigation because U.S.A.

This man of God raised holy hell with his satanic curses.

If the written word could inflict physical pain the above sentence would be the equivalent to a sledgehammer to the bathing suit area.

A stunning new lawsuit accuses a trash-talking Staten Island priest of raining a steady spew of obscenities, insults and slurs on terrified staffers at St. Joseph By The Sea High School.

You'd think living in The City would desensitize you to steady spews of the most vulgar possible language, even or perhaps especially from the clergy, but apparently not.

Women were “b----es” or “tw-ts,” gays were “f-gs,” certain teachers were “d---heads” to the coarse man of the cloth. Father Michael Reilly once even threatened to boot a black man “back to the jungle,” and to kick a cancer patient “to the f---ing curb.”

The big mean doctor threatened to kick my rapidly dying body to the freaking curb. Then I went to Cancer Center of America.

In fact, the suit charged the raunchy reverend appeared incapable of expressing a single thought without dropping an f-bomb — or ten.

Also called Average Teenager Syndrome.

Reilly “unleashed a constant stream of rude, crude and inappropriate remarks including saying the word f--- in almost every sentence in some form,” according to the 12-page Manhattan Supreme Court filing.

I had no idea how many ways the eff word could be conjugated until I met the venal New York priest. 

“(The) rude, crude and abusive language and actions committed by Father Reilly ... and condoned by the Archdiocese and Cardinal Dolan are offensive to the tenets of (plaintiffs’) religious beliefs,” the suit charged.

We'd ask God to punish him or whatever, but nuisance lawsuits have replaced lightning bolts and locust swarms in this modern world.

“This petty tyrant gets away with it because he gets backed up by the Archdiocese,” said Michael Dowd, attorney for plaintiffs Maureen Smith, Lawrence Boliak and Thomas Rodes. The latter two are retired cops.

Petty tyranny is truly best tyranny.

The Archdiocese, in a statement, said “the genesis for this lawsuit” came last fall when Boliak allegedly pulled down the pants of a male former student on school grounds.

That might be arguably worse than saying the foulest of foul words.

Boliak said he tugged at the young man’s shorts while trying to restrain the former student from fighting with Manos.

The hands of fate.

Full Article.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Adult Coloring Book Craze Booms in US

In the race to infantilize American society until there isn't a single living person who would meet what 1950 considered to be the minimum acceptable standards for adult behavior we've undeniably made great strides. From playing little "shoot the round bird or make the bird fly" games on a tiny screen, games that even I as a ten-year-old sneering punk that spent his entire allowance on pinball, "Gorf" and "Ms. Pac Man" would reject as childish, to having special kindergarten themed areas at colleges where the shell-shocked students (Someone disagreed with me!) can work the Play Doh or whatever, it's clear the race to return to the womb is on. The latest victory in this devolution? Come on, you read the title, let's not insult our intelligences.

Intricate adult coloring books are the latest lifestyle craze to grip the United States, generating millions of fans, booming sales and libraries falling over themselves to host workshops.

When reading tales about the horny vampire who has both a massive unit and massive heavy industry holdings becomes too challenging I guess we'll skip the next logical step of picture books with simple words adults can sound out to hit this new, pathetic low. The good news is that goofy St. Vitus Dance "crazes" aren't exactly known for their longevity.

Walk into any New York bookstore, and you'll find them artfully laid out on tables or filling entire shelves.

Or a bookstore in Macomb, Illinois would work too, but we're trying desperately to pretend this latest degeneracy is cosmopolitan and happening. All the beautiful people are coloring in puppy dogs while staying mostly within the lines. Join them, there is no other option.

Amazon sells hundreds of them, including nine on the top 20 bestseller list. Fans post their finished designs and swap tips on Facebook or Pinterest.

Historians a few hundred years from now are going to have a lot of fun writing that "Decline and Fall" book, that's for sure. "While unbelievably feckless and rootless victims of urbanization and atomization were sharing advice on how to perform a dumbed-down version of paint by numbers a sociopath was running for President..." Every nation truly gets the Edward Gibbon it deserves.

"It calms us down to be coloring," Linda Turner, a licensed creative arts psychotherapist in Manhattan, explained of the trend born in Europe.

My job, which is little more than a simple con game, creates massive stress. Pretending I'm a slow and unlikable grade schooler makes it better.

Turner said that while children are willing to explore and experiment, adults are not necessarily so comfortable with their creativity.

Well, we used to express that creativity by splitting the atom, sending people into orbit and beyond, conquering disease and building an information superhighway. But you're right, this is much better.

Remember, thou art mortal.

"These coloring books, they look adult, they look sophisticated... and they are going to create, and they are going to be present in the moment and have fun... In ways that are safe for them," she added. 

No really, this is not in any way indicative of a dying society full of deeply alienated individuals.

Since October, 19 branches of the New York Public Library in Manhattan, the Bronx and Staten Island have run coloring workshops, some on a weekly basis.

Yo, how you doin'. Gots to go take dat Red Line up to da Zoo, gots me some little kid shit to do. Forget about it."

"It makes you feel more open and more alive, so the stress reduction aspect of it is therapeutic, but it is not therapy."

Look at me, I'm alive! *Spends hours slumped over a design, filling in colors*

The trend has extended beyond America's entertainment capital. In Petoskey, a small town in Michigan, the library has just launched a weekly coloring session on Tuesday evenings.

I told you. We just put in all that NYC stuff because The Apple is the best, most important city in the world.

It is not the first time the United States has fallen in love with adult coloring books. The first of these, "The Executive Coloring Book," came out in 1961. It was followed by "The John Birch Society Coloring Book" and other satirical titles, mocking the world of work, or president John Kennedy.

Of course those were intended to be satirical, but let's pretend this latest outbreak of cultural neoplasm has an unbroken line back to "Down with Nixon!" times. 

Full Article.

Komment Korner  

Not sure when or if they actually do anything productive.  

During your breaks and after work hours, please come relax and recover at the Sandbox Play Center for adults.

For stress relief I just shotgun a 6 pack or blaze up a fatty. 

I am a woman. Sorry, but, speaking for myself, I would have been much happier being housewife and mother.

A burgeoning idiot class is upon us, after back to back elections that seated the most unqualified human being to ever rule over a country

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.    

News You Can't Use: Many NYC Students So Tech-Oriented They Can’t Even Sign Their Own Names

As a connoisseur of all forms of societal collapse and general intellectual entropy almost every day is a glorious banquet, even when I'm not reading one of those "that daw gawn worst generation" stories. Luckily, today I have that profound pleasure and it turns out Generation Nothing has trouble making the old John Hancock, certainly bad news in today's high tech and fast moving economy where they'll be expected to sign welfare checks and lists of personal effects while being processed by prisons. The good news, if you're into delusional optimism, is they're all about "tech." The bad news is the "tech" in question mainly involves genital photography and launching ball-shaped cartoon birds, not the good kind that fills those factories depicted in political advertisements.

Many Big Apple students, including the children of several state lawmakers, can’t even sign their own names, it was revealed at an educational budget hearing in Albany today.  

How well they performed on "finding rear end with both hands" and "emptying a boot full of water with instructions written on the heel" remains unknown but probably isn't good news either.

“Not only is it sad, but it’s a security issue,” said Assemblywoman Nicole Malliotakis (R-SI/Brooklyn).

Security issue for sure. Not sure how, but it's impossible to make anyone care about quality of life or "our kids are morons" issues without appealing to the grim specter of deadly violence that we have such a bizarre national love/hate relationship with. Still, I can imagine the scene in a Tom Clancy thriller. "You've got to sign your name for the launch codes to activate, President Jayden!" "I don't know how, I was raised by friendly tablets."

Malliotakis said the penmanship problem was brought to her attention while helping one of her constituents fill out a voter registration form. He printed his name, and when she told him to actually sign it, he insisted that was his signature.

The democratic tradition, where we believe the most profoundly ignorant members of society have the magical ability to select the best leaders.

Even the 11-year-old daughter of veteran Harlem legislator Herman “Denny” Farrell doesn’t know how to sign her name.

Really? Of "Denny Farrell???" It just got real, mang.

“They don’t teach it. I’m going to go home now and teach her handwriting.”

It's time we have an important talk about the birds, the bees and script.

“Can you imagine?” Malliotakis told The Post. “Not only does it mean you can’t sign a business contract, but it makes you vulnerable to identity theft because anyone can just go ahead and print your name.”

Because everyone prints exactly the same but cursive is as unique as your genetic code.

Here, have some free college.

Elia said she would look into the issue.

Action will be taken, you can bank on that! *Goes into office and drinks for six hours*

Full Article. 

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.    

News You Can't Use: Billionaires Shrug Off Volatile Markets for Art Shopping Spree

It's very important that we keep track of and cater to the whims of our billionaires, the wise and noble success stories that work tirelessly for our common good. Whether it's destabilizing some sand box or trying to get more people on narcotics you can rest assured that Uncle Ten Figure has your best interests at heart. But what of their own activities, the life we are told should be the focus of all of our combined envy and admiration? As it turns out various problems hitting the prole sector don't seem to be stopping the art shopping sprees and by art, of course, I mean total and complete garbage.

Art dealer David Kordansky checked his wristwatch nervously. It was 45 minutes into the opening of the Frieze Art Fair and his booth, with large abstract paintings intersected with neon light tubes by Mary Weatherford, was mostly empty.

Nice to see the Solyndra remains are still a money sink for limousine liberals. Or would be, if they'd just show up. Where are you, guy that bet against our currency, got rich, and now indulges his bad taste? Come on marks patrons, get up in this sucker. Maybe I should check that watch again, possibly while displaying the signs of anxiety. Should help.

“I am waiting for the individuals these paintings are on reserve for to show up,” Kordansky said on Tuesday, tapping his timepiece. “Is there a line outside?”

Please tell the unindicted White collar criminals are out there. I'm dying here, man. 

Kordansky didn’t need to worry. Neither the 15-minute line snaking through the fair’s Regent’s Park location nor the roiling financial markets could deter the international jet set from its annual art shopping spree in London.

Wow, what a relief that news is. Now that this real issue has been settled we can focus on minor distractions like how the power just got cut off.

The displayed five paintings by Weatherford sold at the VIP preview, with prices ranging from $120,000 to $220,000.

"You think people will pay that ridiculous price?"

"I only need one."

Billionaire Eli Broad, jeweller Laurence Graff, heiress Nicky Hilton Rothschild and actor Benedict Cumberbatch joined the throngs of established and wannabe collectors who descended on Frieze and its nearby sister fair, Frieze Masters, on this crisp October day.

I suggest you skip Frieze Masters which is full of industrialists, politicians, heiresses that received less than a billion dollars and other commoner scum.

Broad, who navigated the aisles in a wheelchair following back surgery, said he was cautious about the financial markets and bullish about the art market.

All that worthless money we keep printing has to end up somewhere, right?

“The art market is very strong. You’d think there are no troubles anywhere in the world.”

It's almost like the obscenely wealthy live in this fantasy world insulated from reality, but we all know that's not true. Soros wants you blowing dope and living in debt, he obviously has the common touch."

Once I explain the Marxist symbolism behind this ugly monstrosity you'll want to buy.

Established in 2003, Frieze has become one of the world’s leading art fairs, competing with Art Basel and expanding geographically with a Frieze New York edition in May. 

I'm sure we're not telling you anything you didn't already know.

“Sold,” Timothy Blum, co-owner of Blum and Poe, based in Los Angeles, Tokyo and New York, kept telling clients inquiring about a $600,000 painting by Yoshitomo Nara. The gallery also placed a new painting by Takashi Murakami for $1 million.

I don't even like it. I just wanted to acquire it to prove I could and to stave off the inner emptiness.

“It’s a very safe place to go,” said Marianne Boesky. “You are buying quality, not something untested.”

None of this art made of pudding that rapidly decays, not here, no sir.

Full Article.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: FIFA Executive Committee Member Spent 6K Per Month On Apartment For His Cats

I'm trying my best to show the proper outrage at the latest scandal from the world of Scoreless Tie Ball, but there's a number of factors making it difficult. Living through seemingly endless petty wrongdoing from those with even the slightest amount of authority leaves one somewhat calloused and I'm American and as such have great difficulty appreciating the grass version of hockey where the blue line is invisible and constantly moving and having a giant goal doesn't seem to help any. Still, we should be able to mine some entertainment from the almost unbelievable corruption, right?

As the blows continue to reign down upon FIFA (Fédération Internationale de Football Association, international soccer’s governing body) in the wake of this morning’s arrest of 14 people associated with the organization in Zurich, Switzerland, new revelations regarding how exactly the investigation unfolded has slowly come to light.

"Right, can't believe there's dodgy behavior," declares the typical fan, in between beating another fan with a tire iron because they were rooting for Manchester instead of Manchester City.

One of the key players in the operation was former FIFA Executive Committee member turned FBI/IRS informant Chuck Blazer, who had quite a lavish lifestyle before the agencies caught wind of his corrupt and fraudulent practices.

In exchange for your snitching we'll overlook the massive wrongdoing you arrogantly engaged in. This is the cornerstone of a healthy system of jurisprudence.

Besides not paying taxes on his multi-million dollar income for nearly a decade, Blazer had what the Daily News decried “a fleet of mobility scooters to move from feast to feast,” to help transport the 400-plus pound Blazer between “a world of private jets, famous friends, secret island getaways, offshore bank accounts” and “much fine food and drink.”

Talk about lavish! He was a digestive tract attached to a barely functioning life support system. This is what heaven will be like for your typical Wal-Mart patron.

If that’s not “rich” enough, when Blazer wasn’t gallivanting about he was residing in his posh $18,000 per month apartment on the 49th floor of New York’s Trump Tower. Plus, he knew his next door neighbor’s pretty well too because, well, they were his cats.

I guess that's pretty outrageous. I'm still trying to imagine the mobility scooter motor pool, in all honesty.

Blazer is a New York native who represented American soccer interests in FIFA from 1998-2013. During much of that time Blazer also served as the general secretary of CONCACAF, or the Confederation of North, Central America and Caribbean Association Football.

Responsibilities included inhaling food, providing luxury accommodations for Shithead the Cat and voting "No" to any proposal that might make soccer faster paced or more exciting.

Since 2012, Blazer recorded numerous high-profile conversations with high-ranking FIFA officials and according to the LA Times, those tapes are “at the heart of the three-year FBI investigation.” 

See, massive invasive spying operations are completely vindicated by the fact that we might be able to punish some suits controlling the world's worst sport.

Meanwhile, the 70-year-old Blazer, who has been reported by numerous outlets to be in bad health due to colon cancer, has pleaded guilty to racketeering, wire fraud, income tax evasion and money laundering, according to the LA Times.

Man, I'm so jealous of this guy and his amazing lifestyle.

I'll just follow this corruption story until they actually send someone to prison...

Additionally, The New York Times has reported that U.S. officials have “vowed to pursue” more charges against corrupt FIFA officials and their fraudulent practices.

It's the kind of outrage that makes you wonder how many days until the NFL starts up again. 

Full Story.

Komment Korner  

I hear FIFA was a taco stand involved in money laundering...

We need to throw tax money at the problem to fix it.

Pics of the cat's home please.

Just imagine how self-indulgent and narcissistic one has to be to live like this on OPM.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Video Shows Suspected Vandals Taking Control Of Stored Subway Train

I'm always fighting the urge to post nothing but New York insanity, all the time. Between heroin addicts dressed as Disney characters, the mole people, and criminal gangs that take over subways for the sole purpose of vandalizing them, there's enough to go around. Honestly, what would you do if you were a criminal element that had seized control of the Red Line? If your answer is "Cover it with spray paint, then leave" you've got the right attitude to take part in the latest Big Apple pathology.

A piece of newly viral video Saturday night showed a group of subway vandals striking again – this time sneaking onto a stored train and taking control of it.

Please die modern world. Do you think there were "viral books" going around a hundred years ago? "Man, you won't believe the crazy stuff in this Hemingway, check it out!" Today, we enjoy watching already sagging infrastructure get the "street art" treatment from dangerous New York underground humanoids, possibly of the cannibalistic variety.

The group, known as the Subway Conquestors, has been implicated in several other incidents in recent months.

The name of our destroy society and replace it with nothing club has a non-word in it, but I'm sure it's not the fault of the public school or anything.

An announcement and digital map indicate that the train is set to run as a D Train, but the train is of a newer model than those actually used on the D line.

This is the one that takes you through mole people land and into Electric Executioner territory, not the one where that guy with nerd glasses shot muggers.

D.J. Hammers, who uploaded the video, alleged that they used stolen subway keys.

Please Hammer, don't hurt the mass transit system. Also, I think this "alleged" statement is crazy enough to be true.

Later, the video shows a quarrel that ends with a man being struck and falling to the ground, in what appears to be an unused subway station. Details about that incident have not been learned.

If destroying inanimate objects isn't your thing we threw in a little poorly defined violence toward other biological units to help sate your sickening blood lust. Please share and subscribe.

A subway train sign that is described as having been vandalized also appears.

"When are they gonna wreck some signage? I'm getting so angry. Oh, there it is."

Police sources believe the Subway Conquestors were also responsible for an explosion in the Bronx, and have been linked to one at Brooklyn’s Nostrand Avenue station in April.

Explosion in the Bronx, no one actually noticed or cared.

Rail enthusiast Max Diamond said the acts are getting more extreme as the vandals try to one up each other. They have been accused of changing destination signs to confuse passengers, surfing train cars, and stealing Metropolitan Transportation Authority equipment and gear.

I own a model railroad, which qualifies me to discuss transportation and collapse of America issues with the media.

Yes, but is it art?

“It’s extremely dangerous. The tools and keys they have give them full control over subway trains just like any other employee of the MTA — which is incredibly scary, because this is 16, 17-year-old kids,” he said.

"I certainly don't let my kids get anywhere near my toy train sets."

Don't bother with the ad-intensive source:  http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2015/05/16/video-subway-vandals/

Komment Korner  

Studies show that thugs will stop assaulting a victim once you have killed them.

Must be those darn Japanese exchange students.

I'm surprised this comment section is still open.

"snuck"? And this girl reporter no doubt graduated form journalism school.

Someone should have used an axe on your mom's fallopian tubes before you were born

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: The Business of Sleep

The effort to monetize the sleep cycle has, until now, been somewhat of a disappointment. No commercials being beamed into dreams, no monthly bed taxes, it's a sad state of affairs. Fortunately, the progress toward a world where literally everything costs money, where the "skip ad" button does nothing and is just retained to mock you and by-the-minute rates are imposed for naps is being made. As usual, New York City is right there at the vanguard of this exciting new realm of profit. See, there's some serious entrepreneurs there. It's not all junkies dressed as Disney characters, underground dwelling cannibal humanoids and giant bed bugs, really.

The Yelo Spa in Midtown Manhattan goes a step beyond traditional spa services. You can actually come here simply to catch some Zs.

It's hard to believe that we live in such an age of miracles. A place you can go to and fall asleep.

Yelo spa founder Nico Ronco came up with this room called the Yelo Cabin -- or "Yelo Cab" for short -- so that the city that never sleeps can take a nap.

Please do not get into an unlicensed Yelo Cab.

Nappers can relax in a zero-gravity reclining chair and choose from a variety of colored lights or complete darkness to find the perfect sleep mood.

Wow, zero gravity! It's like sawing wood in space. Then add the exciting choice of lights or even everyone's favorite, total darkness. Whatever this costs, I'm in!

The cost:  $1 a minute.

You know what, I think I changed my mind. It's like a motel that costs $480 a night, has red and blue lights instead of basic cable and probably wouldn't let you do the Adult Act with a lot lizard.

The Yelo Cab punctuates a growing demand. Millions are not getting proper amounts of sleep and turning to places outside of their home to fix it.

Yes, millions are turning from the bed that failed and seeking out total and complete rip offs.

The emphasis on sleep is so great at the Benjamin Hotel that it partnered with Cornell University to create an entire sleep program complete with a sleep team.

The best sleep scientists from Sleep University will be creating a sleep program so you can sleep!

In addition to black-out drapes and the obligatory eye mask, the Benjamin's sleep therapy includes 10 different pillows from which to choose including one called the lullaby pillow.

Whoa, wouldn't recommend that one. The lullaby pillow would be too much for a first-timer like you.

Wait, you can get it free?

The CDC calls insufficient sleep a public health epidemic. It remains a factor in many illnesses, some chronic.

No word yet on our gullibility epidemic.

So suffice it to say, getting a good night's sleep is invaluable. The consequences of not doing so can lead to a variety of health issues. Talk to your doctor if need be.

Who needs insurance when you can get all this great free medical advice from FOX New York?

Full Story.

Komment Korner  

Yeah, that's a competitive rate for sure.

Let's call it nap time, no one will suspect anything.

Really. Really? For real? Are we being serious? For really?

lol only a fool pays for a service like this

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Times Square Characters Want to Unionize

A short time ago I broke the incredible story of New York scumbags and junkies dressing up as cutesy cartoon characters as part of an elaborate grift to strong arm and pull petty confidence games on tourists. "Pols," which I guess are elected officials, vowed to fix the problem. If you have even the most minimal exposure to the big city politician and their promise-to-success ratio it probably isn't surprising to learn that not only has nothing been accomplished but now the Looney Tunes mafia has a plan to "go legit" and expand their criminal empire.

Times Square is quickly becoming the costume capital of the world. They seem to be everywhere.

You'd think this would be an upgrade from the giant rat capital of the world or the apathy toward murder victims capital of the world, but sadly it really isn't.

City officials have said they want to crack down, but now the people who wear the costumes also want to take action and organize to protect their jobs.

You read that correctly. Pan-handling, pulling simplistic scams (I took your picture, you owe me $10) and outright threatening visitors who naively blundered into this urban heart of darkness is a legitimate job that must be protected. I guess it has to be considered as such, now that welfare recipients are considered government employees and "more free stuff" was the pivotal issue of our last presidential election.

You know them as Elmo, Cookie Monster and Woody, but the people who wear these costumes decided to take on a new name: Association of Artists United for a Smile New York City.

Now get to know Scuzzie, Heroin Monster and Exposed Genitals Pervert. They're here to make you smile.

"Once you make that ATM withdrawal you'll get your kid back."

Organizer Alex Gomez says the goal is to clean up the characters' image in the wake of growing complaints.

Because nothing cleans up an image faster than a union. Look what it did for the teamsters! 

The last few weeks have seen at least 5 times square characters arrested on charges including aggressive solicitation and disorderly conduct. Among them was a Spider-Man caught on tape allegedly punching a police officer.

My "punch law enforcement" sense is tingling like crazy. Wait, my mistake. That was just the methadone starting to wear off. 

The incidents led the NYPD to circulate a flier telling tourists tipping is optional.

"Yo, you ain't gots to obey some mook just cuz he's dressed like a kitty cat or some shit."

A bill is in the works that would require the characters to undergo background checks and wear photo id.

Red tape, identification cards and extra taxes fix everything. Except for vote fraud, where it would be wrong.

Mayor Bill de Blasio has expressed support. But some of the characters say they just want to be left alone to please tourists and collect their tips.

"Just leave us alone! We should be allowed to peacefully prey on the weak and gullible, just like any good New Yorker."

"Cross this line and I'll break your knees, scab."

Full Story.

Komment Korner  

Your enabling bad behavior!!!!!

I'm assuming the first thing their new union will do is negotiate a settlement for the countless trademark infringements. (sarcasm)

Why not vagrants, drug users and perverts, ...it is NYC with a great mayor all you New Yorkers voted for.

The Union of the Stupid.

I don't get how they can unionize when what they're doing is basically theft.

Check Out My Books!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read free excerpts here and here.

His first novel "The Foolchild Invention" is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Subway Trains Fumigated After Bedbugs Found

In New York City when we say "don't let the bedbugs bite" we mean it very literally. We also might warn you about aggressive junkies dressed up as Hello Kitty, rats the size of ponies, underground humaniods that mostly subsist on human flesh and stage shows that are often overrated and fail to deliver the full entertainment value you would expect for the price demanded. Yes, there are a few dangers to living in a city that resembles your "teen hero dystopia" minus the plucky kids, wacky futurist fashions and even the smallest glimmer of hope. The good news is that the fumigators are on the case, so soon the bedbug problem can be downgraded to a mere "subway car interior coated with poison" issue.

The city fumigated three subway trains after bedbugs were spotted on them over the weekend, the MTA says.

New York don't play, sucker. The city itself, not workers or even half-human mole people, went to work on these trains. Three letters were there to comment on it.

All the bedbugs were found on the N line.

Not to be confused with the "Death Wish vigilante" line or the one that takes you right into the throne room of the Mole King whose unfathomable demands are immediately carried out by his blind minions. The "N" will take you to the burning tire district after a few stops in "Gramercy Rifts" territory.

Two trains were taken out of service Sunday after the bugs were found on some cars. A third N train was fumigated Tuesday.

Let me check my fingers. Yup, that would make three.

MTA spokesman Kevin Ortiz wouldn't say where on the trains the bugs were found, nor would he say at which point in the line they were discovered

He also wouldn't comment on the meaning of life, was highly taciturn when asked about those Elmo bullies and didn't having nuttin' to say 'bout living in the world's worst city.

The Daily News reports some of the critters were spotted in seat cushions in train cabs used by conductors and motormen.

Maybe if we referred to the C.H.U.D.s in a cutesy fashion they would seem like less of a problem.

Could bedbug sniffing dogs be the answer?

Ortiz didn't say when the last reported bedbug sighting on a subway train was.
 

We're in good hands with this "see nothing, say nothing" guy in charge.

Full Article.

Komment Korner  

Wish there was a way to AGREE with your post but not "like" it...

Everything that goes wrong, you blame Obama. You would think he has been in that office for the last millennium

This country is a republic.

What the NYC subways need to fumigated for is to get rid of LIBERALS.

Fumigation won't work---believe me I tried.

Check Out My Books!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read free excerpts here and here.

His first novel "The Foolchild Invention" is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Pols Promise a Solution Against ‘Elmo Bullies’

New York City ain't no joke, man. If the air and water don't kill you the druggers, violence mobs and humanoid underground dwellers will. Even the most effeminate of children's characters are weaponized into aggressive panhandlers and con artists. Tickle me Elmo? Try, "Intimidate you with physical violence into making a 'donation' to the heroin fund Elmo." Since even the Death Wish vigilante isn't going to shoot junkies dressed up as Big Bird or whatever, it's up to "Pols" to spring into action and attempt to legislate away urban rot that's so virulent it even infected wussy kid stuff.

Though complaints about Times Square can fill an entire encyclopedia, at the latest Times Square Alliance’s Midtown conditions meeting, one issue took center stage: how to deal with Elmo, Hello Kitty and Spiderman, among other costumed characters.

I once visited the "Complaints on Time Square" Wikipedia page and it gave my computer about a hundred viruses, broke both my arms and stole the radio from my car. I don't recommend it.

When they came for the break dancers I didn't say anything because I wasn't a break dancer. When they came for the untreated mentally ill drug abusers dressed up like cutesy Japanese nonsense I didn't say anything...etc.

Costumed characters that panhandle or offer pictures in exchange for money have proliferated in Times Square, as noted by the Wall Street Journal, adding to the usual commercial chaos of the famed town square.

"It's making it hard for me to sell pencils, crude window washing and miniature American flags to raise funds to buy tiny white rocks."

And while they may seem cuddly, elected officials said the characters are a serious problem.

Let's explode the myth of the "lovable meth addict," once and for all time.

This is a cancer on Times Square that has to be excised soon.

"You're a disease, Hello Kitty, and I'm the cure." *repeatedly fires combat shotgun*

“The panhandlers are exploiting the First Amendment, but I don’t think you have a First Amendment right to harass and threaten people as some of these characters have done.”

Can we just add an amendment to the Bill of Rights that very clearly states "None of these rights apply if you're wearing a muppet-themed costume." Yup, we're gonna start quartering soldiers in the house of the guy that dresses up as "Scooter."

The alliance’s director, Tim Tompkins, said they’re not all bad — but their presence, and the number of complaints, has grown in the last two years.

There's at least two or three who don't shoot up or menace people, so we're kind of in a tight spot.

“The problem is not with the folks that are out there making kids happy in an appropriate way, the problem is the folks that are both subtly and not so subtly intimidating and harassing people,” Mr. Tompkins said.

This is NYC pal, there aren't any "folks" here. Try dope-heads, mole people and walking, anthropomorphic evil. Whoever it was that taught politicians "people will trust you more if you use circa 1930 Alabama syntax" deserves the worst.

The companies that own the characters being depicted are also interested in addressing this issue, Mr. Tompkins added, and having a way to get troublemakers out of their character’s costumes. He called on the City Council to regulate them.

"I sold you a costume depicting our intellectual property and then sued you for wearing it!" Logic.

City Councils. We regulate any harassing of "folks" by depictions of animated characters. We're damn good too. But you can't be any geek off the streets. Gotta be handy with the illogical application of capitalism and our legal system, earn your keep.

“If you have a licensing scheme, then you have the ability to leave the people alone who are doing the right thing, but also go after the people that are not doing the right thing” he added.

We used to call this force "God." It's now more correctly identified as a "licensing scheme." It will make people do right and not do not right. Somehow.

Manhattan Borough President Gale Brewer told reporters she was open to examining a slew of possible solutions.

"We got a whole heapin' helpin' of in-ter-esting solutions for the folks on God's Green Earth, not to mention our costumed brothers and sisters."

Put him in jail!

“Legally, what do we want to do?  We want to regulate them? We want them to be licensed? How do we not infringe on the First Amendment?” she asked.

Obviously more red tape and bureaucracy is the answer, but how to do it?

“They accost people. I’ve seen it with my own eyes — they ask to take a picture, they ask for money, they chase people to the ATM sometimes for money. They are very aggressive and it doesn’t show a good picture of New York,” Ms. Brewer said.

If we're going to win that bid to have the entire city transformed into a prison colony we're going to have to improve that image a little.

“We’ve talked with our legal department about how we craft this legislation to allow you to express yourself, because I support freedom of speech and your right to freely act, speak and engage, but the minute you violate somebody else’s space then you have to be held accountable,” he said.

Or you could just actually enforce existing laws, whatever.

Mr. King seemed confident about the future of the bill. “I do expect huge support of the council members, I do,” he said.

Moments later he was torn to pieces and devoured by C.H.U.Ds.

Full Article.

Komment Korner   

I'm not saying it's good or it's right, but it is caused by liberal and democrat policy.

The only cancer in new York are the Communists who run it.

You mean like how NYC has a real handle on licensing Taxis. AHHAHAH Character medallions?

Just like the stings to bust criminals that rob drunks on the trains.

Check Out My Books!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read free excerpts here and here.

His first novel "The Foolchild Invention" is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: NYPD Arrests Nearly 100 Subway Break Dancers

Is there a more persecuted minority group than breakers and poppers? All right, maybe all those people that hate to laugh and don't enjoy fun, but that's about it. It seems that The Man is always trying to destroy our healthy good times of downrock, freezes and generally spinning on the head and so forth. The latest outrage comes from New York City, where the war on B-boying has entered an ugly new phase. It's bad enough we're expected to pay for own protection (sheets of cardboard on the ground) but now we're being arrested by a system that finds our power moves threatening.

After recently learning that New York sleeps in later than every other city in the country, we’re wondering why the NYPD is trying so damn hard to get rid of subway break dancers.

Nice and professional, Observer. Why the fucking shit bitch shitty crap is the NYPD doing this? I'm just tryin' to sleep in, here. How ya doin'? Fogettaboutit!

Because what does a better job of waking New Yorkers up than dodging flailing legs on the L train at 9:00 a.m.? Oh yeah, we have Starbucks for that.

I think we can now concede that letting the editor's talentless punk kid write an article was a bad idea.

Officials say that 46 subway break dancers have been charged with reckless endangerment so far this year. Another 50 have been charged with disorderly conduct, New York reports.

We are the dead.

There were only two such charges of reckless endangerment committed by subway dancers in 2013.

This is what scientists and so on call "number get bigger."

But dancers aren’t the only underground dangers the NYPD is targeting, and no, we’re not talking about the rats or the crowds, or even the upskirt photography (although we wish we were).

Right now our main targets are Mole People, alligators, break dancers and those monsters from the movie Tremors. We can't go after camera perverts because that's a Constitutionally protected freedom.

Despite Mayor Bill de Blasio insisting there is no “crackdown” going on, the Post reported that police have busted 371 panhandlers so far this year — a hefty increase from the total 100 charged last year.

Because this is somehow relevant to the struggle for our nation's soul going on over my freedom to swing from objects and then hold a pose as if unable to move.

The most prophetic movie ever made.

Those peddling churros and other yummy snacks without licenses are coming under fire as well

"All right pal, do you realize how yummy you were being back there?"

At least underground muggings are down!

Mostly because of that Death Wish guy. 

Full Story.

Komment Korner  

Artistic expression? I am surprised the twat that wrote this article is not claiming racial profiling. God forbid we not want to allow people to act like Overgrown children.

these youngsters are actually dancing the polls on full trains and is more intimidating to the riders than it is entertaining, doing his horizontal hanging on the pole he had his sneakers literally in my face

Make them catch 10 rats down there per infraction.

About time the crackdown started.

In de jungle, you've got to be able to do dis to get dem bananas.

Check Out My Books!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read a free excerpt here.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Mass. Man Defends Snapping ‘Upskirt’ Photos As Constitutionally Protected

If you believe the mainstream media the Constitution is a terrorist training manual, a racism primer, something we don't need because only guilty people are concerned about their rights and a "get out of jail free card" for pranksters, perverts and assorted sickos. With this in mind, we can now defend our non-consensual "kinks" by claiming the Founding Deviants would have wanted it that way.

A Massachusetts man arrested for taking “upskirt” cellphone photos of women on subways has argued in court that it’s perfectly legal and Constitutionally protected.

Our inherent right, given to us by divine grace, to secretly harvest pixelated onanism material on public transportation. When you hear someone from the Fertile Crescent ranting about the "Great Satan" this is the kind of thing they're thinking of.

Michael Robertson, 31, was arrested in 2010 after trying to take photos up women’s dresses on the Boston subway.

I see he's also getting that speedy trial the Constitution promises. Now that this has somehow become a First Amendment issue we can expect it to drag on for many more years. Maybe just pay the $50 fine and don't do it again? Nah, let's turn my moral leprosy into the trial of the century.

Robertson’s defense attorney, a woman, argued before the state Supreme Court on Monday that her client’s actions are protected under the First Amendment.

Speech, religion, press, assembly...I'm missing the part that covers unauthorized bikini area photography, but it's probably in the fine print somewhere.

Also, they're now apparently giving law degrees away in "magic claw" machines.

Friedman, a Hofstra Law School professor, argued Robertson is not protected under law according to the Fourth Amendment.

Thank you law school professor for pointing out something that's obvious to anyone but an idiot.

“Do you have a reasonable expectation of privacy in your underwear or in the thighs of your body when you cover it with a skirt? And the answer is you do,” Friedman said.

It's a tough task, balancing the rights of subway scumbags against the right to thigh privacy.

Now protected by the Bill of Rights!

Some women in New York were appalled by the case. “A lot of perverts out there,” one woman told Gainer. “Horrible! I can’t believe that’s the case here,” another woman added.

I was too embarrassed and/or lazy to actually interview anyone, so here's some made-up quotes that express what a likely hypothetical reaction to this would be from an ordinary person. 

“It’s very frustrating,” another woman told Gainer. “The more time that goes by, the more rights that they have, the more loopholes that they can find and it’s just less and less safe.”

It's a mathematical equation: Time multiplied by the speed of light equals more rights, loopholes and less safety. Yes, we have discovered rights/loophole equivalence. This theory of freedom and weaseling relativity also accounts for the steady entropy state of our safety.  

Clearly the answer is less freedom.

“I’ve heard stories of people looking up skirts and such, so I definitely keep my legs together and try to cover up,” another woman said.

"After I got done getting off to those hot, hot stories I changed my public behavior."

The Massachusetts Suffolk County District Attorney’s Office has argued that people have a right to privacy beneath their own clothes and you don’t waive that right just by getting on the subway.

Unless you're at an airport, of course.

Here's a link to the original story. Don't visit this site under any circumstances, it's laden with every type of commercialized b.s. you could imagine. http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2013/11/07/mass-man-defends-snapping-upskirt-photos-as-constitutionally-protected/

Komment Korner  

The war on women by liberals continues, don't think for one second that the defendant or his female lawyer are conservatives. Nice job libtards.

One peak up a libtards skirt and you're probably bound to see a gerbal attempting to escape their arse.

What about these celeb women with nip slips, showing their coochies, rears hanging out

Hey, it's just a photon-scattering event. Nobody owns photons.

 Oh... our comments should relate to the story? Since when?

Shill Section  

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read a free excerpt here.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.