Wednesday, April 29, 2015

News You Can't Use: The Business of Sleep

The effort to monetize the sleep cycle has, until now, been somewhat of a disappointment. No commercials being beamed into dreams, no monthly bed taxes, it's a sad state of affairs. Fortunately, the progress toward a world where literally everything costs money, where the "skip ad" button does nothing and is just retained to mock you and by-the-minute rates are imposed for naps is being made. As usual, New York City is right there at the vanguard of this exciting new realm of profit. See, there's some serious entrepreneurs there. It's not all junkies dressed as Disney characters, underground dwelling cannibal humanoids and giant bed bugs, really.

The Yelo Spa in Midtown Manhattan goes a step beyond traditional spa services. You can actually come here simply to catch some Zs.

It's hard to believe that we live in such an age of miracles. A place you can go to and fall asleep.

Yelo spa founder Nico Ronco came up with this room called the Yelo Cabin -- or "Yelo Cab" for short -- so that the city that never sleeps can take a nap.

Please do not get into an unlicensed Yelo Cab.

Nappers can relax in a zero-gravity reclining chair and choose from a variety of colored lights or complete darkness to find the perfect sleep mood.

Wow, zero gravity! It's like sawing wood in space. Then add the exciting choice of lights or even everyone's favorite, total darkness. Whatever this costs, I'm in!

The cost:  $1 a minute.

You know what, I think I changed my mind. It's like a motel that costs $480 a night, has red and blue lights instead of basic cable and probably wouldn't let you do the Adult Act with a lot lizard.

The Yelo Cab punctuates a growing demand. Millions are not getting proper amounts of sleep and turning to places outside of their home to fix it.

Yes, millions are turning from the bed that failed and seeking out total and complete rip offs.

The emphasis on sleep is so great at the Benjamin Hotel that it partnered with Cornell University to create an entire sleep program complete with a sleep team.

The best sleep scientists from Sleep University will be creating a sleep program so you can sleep!

In addition to black-out drapes and the obligatory eye mask, the Benjamin's sleep therapy includes 10 different pillows from which to choose including one called the lullaby pillow.

Whoa, wouldn't recommend that one. The lullaby pillow would be too much for a first-timer like you.

Wait, you can get it free?

The CDC calls insufficient sleep a public health epidemic. It remains a factor in many illnesses, some chronic.

No word yet on our gullibility epidemic.

So suffice it to say, getting a good night's sleep is invaluable. The consequences of not doing so can lead to a variety of health issues. Talk to your doctor if need be.

Who needs insurance when you can get all this great free medical advice from FOX New York?

Komment Korner  

Yeah, that's a competitive rate for sure.

Let's call it nap time, no one will suspect anything.

Really. Really? For real? Are we being serious? For really?

lol only a fool pays for a service like this

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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