Wednesday, April 22, 2015

News You Can't Use: Governments are Hiding Aliens, Claims Former Defence Minister

There's some weird stuff going on up there in America Junior. And I'm not even talking about the legal drugs everywhere, the speech and thought laws, the French, or the Edmonton Oilers getting yet another chance to ruin a first overall draft pick. No, there's stranger things going down than a mismanaged joke of a Hockey franchise that gets all the breaks. I'm talking about space aliens who are being concealed by the powers that be in Ottawa, something I think we all suspected deep down but has now been completely confirmed by a former leader of the Canadian military maple syrup bacon complex. 

A former defence minister has accused world leaders of concealing the presence of aliens.

My claim that the cover of the Megadeth album "Rust in Peace" was based on actual events has now been fully vindicated. I'm just waiting for confirmation that Jimmy Carter is full of Soviet cyborg parts and all my heavy metal conspiracy theories will be proven.

Paul Hellyer, who was a Canadian minister from 1963 to 1967, is now urging world powers to release what he believes to be hidden data on UFOs.

We don't even have college transcripts for our President, so good luck.

'Much of the media won't touch [the documents]', he said during a keynote speech at the Disclosure Canada Tour at the University of Calgary.

"Good news, class! Instead of learning dreary employment skills, today we're going to hear a speech from some crank who believes in fly saucers!"

'[The public] will say, in one way or another, "Mr President or Mr Prime Minister we want the truth and we want it now because it affects our lives."'

For this to happen the [internet pornography] and [television] will have to go down and stay down for several weeks and society must somehow not fully collapse during that time.

Hellyer, 91, first went public with his belief in aliens on Earth in 2005, becoming the first high ranking politician to do so.

Of course he's been out of office for nearly forty years. I'm just sayin'.

He claims that the aliens have 'been visiting our planet for thousands of years' and are unimpressed with how we live.

Snobs from another galaxy. Sure you united your planet, eliminated all war and crime and then mastered faster-than-light travel, but we keep churning out slight improvements in selfie and texting technology. That's got to count for something.

'We spend too much time fighting each other, we spend too much money on military expenditures and not enough on feeding the poor and looking after the homeless and sick,' he said.

It can now be confirmed that inscrutable intelligences from the other side of the universe are cut from the same cloth as that guy at the bar who rambles about "We got bombs, but no food, man" before staggering home to brutally pummel his wife and children.

Last year, the former Canadian defence minister declared on Russian TV that aliens are walking among us.

Something tells me there was a lot of patronizing "Da, tell more." in that interview.

But he said they are refusing to share their advanced technologies until we change our polluting and warring ways.

"We're not giving you this technology that would create pollution-free energy until you stop polluting." Whatever spaceman, don't let the door hit you on the way out.

In the bizarre interview, Hellyer made a series of pronouncements about aliens which grew increasingly outlandish and sounded closer to the plot of Star Trek.

I like how it got worse as the interview progressed. You haven't even seen the real crazy yet! I've got some Star Trek stuff here. Doomed redshirts, rubber-suit aliens, talking computers to death, ridiculous brawling, that sort of thing.

'They are very much afraid that we might be stupid enough to start using atomic weapons again.'

Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!

Hellyer believes aliens are responsible for some of our modern technology including the microchip, LED light and Kevlar vest, he said.

But I thought they weren't sharing with us, what with the pollution and bombs and war and that guy over there called me a jerk, I think.

Hellyer described several types of aliens including 'Tall Whites' who are working with the U.S. air force in Nevada.

The BYU basketball team is not from outer space, sorry.

'They're able to get away with that; they had a couple of their ladies dressed as nuns go into Las Vegas to shop and they weren't detected,' he claimed.

Well, there's your great idea for a "Sister Act" reboot, Hollywood.

Well, how else would it get in there, smart guy?
A third group are called 'Nordic Blondes' and Hellyer said that if you meet one you'd probably say, 'I wonder if she's from Denmark or somewhere.'

Please ignore the fact that my alien delusions are also full of my bizarre racial purity theories.

Full Article.

Komment Korner

There is a rumor that the Aliens have demanded that 2015 is the year that the Governments either confirm their existence or they will will do a big "coming out" themselves.

Nurse, where's my tin foil hat!

The US spends $800 billion protecting the World from itself

Finally more proof there are crack pots at high levels of the Canadian government.

Sounds like this poor guy has flipped his lid.

Seriously, what the hell.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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