Wednesday, April 8, 2015

News You Can't Use: Too Much Time On Facebook Can Lead To Feeling Depressed

When I'm feeling down nothing improves the old vital humor balance faster than providing potentially damaging information about myself to the entire internet, looking with jealousy at the material possessions of my "friends" and thinking lots of impure thoughts while sorting through perfectly innocent beach/bending over/somehow lost my pants pictures. Oddly enough, it seems my experience is not what you'd call typical. According to the same experts that routinely fail to diagnose obvious pathologies in ticking human time bombs the Facebook experience might actually lead to The Sad.

From photos of that incredibly fit friend to new baby announcements and vacation gloaties, Facebook can sometimes be a source of anxiety and envy.

I'm so nervous and jealous. Come on, are there any two emotions more in step with the modern American experience? Throw in a little healthy dislike of "the other" and you're all set. Still, it would appear that the "gloaties," a word that definitely needs to be destroyed by one of those Ministry of Truth re-writers, are wrecking our fragile psychological well-being. Stop showing me your Easter Island photos Mr. Work Acquaintance, it's tearing me up inside!

University of Houston researchers found that Facebook users felt depressed when comparing themselves to others on the site.

If we'd just start comparing ourselves to imprisoned criminals and those without pre-fab McMansions we'd immediately feel better. Please launch HumanDerelictBook.Com so this is possible.

The lead researcher notes that too much time using Facebook and comparing oneself to others can be linked to depressive symptoms.

And not the good kind of depression you get from taking goof balls or Coors Lite, but the bad kind where you get weepy and write horrible poetry.

“One danger is that Facebook often gives us information about our friends that we are not normally privy to, which gives us even more opportunities to socially compare,” lead researcher Mai-Ly Steers said on the school’s website. “You can’t really control the impulse to compare because you never know what your friends are going to post.”

Yeah, I just never know what those crazy guys and gals are going to slap up there on the old information gathering site next. It certainly won't be endless cat pictures, "amazing" videos from lame mainstream websites or "funny" images of old timey people with modern snark added. No, it's totally impossible to predict. "Here's me dissolving my date in the bathtub!" Man, you wild dudes. Now I'm depressed.

Look at this wacky stuff! My life is like an awesome sitcom! Hope it doesn't make you all sad!

Researchers also note, though, that the findings do not indicate that Facebook causes depression.

Think of it as a mirror held up to your pathetic loser life, not the cause of said life.

The article is published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology.

I'd say that journal used to be full of serious, high quality studies, but let's get real here.

Avoid depressing ads for things you don't need by skipping the source.

Komment Korner

all my "friends" were deluging me with useless communication on subjects like fake farming games and mafia wars.

It would be depressing to know you're just like all the people who use Facebook.

Facebook is computer trash.

Too much Hussein Obama causes depression too, in a myriad of ways. Cruz 2016.

Good point. "I saw a girl on the internet who loved it when the guy did x, y and z to her, so why won't you let me do those things to you?

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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