Wednesday, April 1, 2015

News You Can't Use: Michelle O’s ‘Healthy’ Lunches Going to the Pigs - Literally

I knew this was gonna be a winner just from the headline. Scare quotes? The word literally, which according to the dictionary can mean almost anything? Yes, this is going to be an incredible story of what happens when a program to save our bloated nation fails miserably and must be reverted to swill. In a way it's brilliant: take the food no one wants and feed it to the most magically delicious animal in the entire world. Yucky vegetables and disgusting fruits transformed through digestive and butchering alchemy into delicious bacon, pork, sausage and who knows what other money meats. In another, more realistic way it's sad and pathetic, but let's take a glass half full attitude toward the current race to the bottom.

There’s one group of young eaters who like Michelle Obama’s school lunch program: pigs.

No, not you chubby. I mean literal (the first definition, not the one where it means it isn't literal) mud rolling sources of delicious stored calories. My mouth is already watering contemplating the inefficient transfer of potential energy when I bite into a First Lady fed swine product.

New Mexico’s Galloping Grace Youth Ranch is accepting fruits and vegetables thrown away by students at several elementary schools in the Rio Rancho area and collects some five tons per week.

Maybe the legendary efficiency and concern for detail of our federal government has been slightly exaggerated.

“It’s really whatever they don’t eat coming off of their trays, so when they get up to the trash cans they will scrape it into one of our buckets that we pick up on a daily basis,” ranch CEO Max Wade tells KRQE.

Thank you for explaining this complicated process, I was really struggling to form a mental image. Generation Nothing fills the can with wasted food, off to the pig farm. Got it.

Speaking of the pigs, goats and chickens gobbling up the students’ castaways, Wade says, “If you think about it, it’s a fresh salad bar every day. Fruits and vegetables and they love it.”

With enough rationalization the coming meltdown seems like a blessing. If you think about it, stealing the copper wires from derelict industry is a form of recycling! If you think about it, lying to receive benefits is a sort of karmic adjustment!

To underscore the point, he’s talking about the farm animals, not the school children.

Yeah, we got it. I guess it's my fault for still wearing that "Traditional Conservative, Please Use Small Words and Repeat Yourself Often" sign around my neck.

The goats prefer romaine lettuce, some pigs like grapes while others will eat “anything.” The chickens like the dinner rolls.

When not eating rusted tin cans goats are the food snobs of the animal kingdom.

It left me too weak to resist common core math.

Earlier this year, a New York district estimated its students throw away 85 percent of their fruits and vegetables.

How well the imitation wadded beef is doing remains unknown.

“If we cut up 20 pounds of cucumbers, we guess that 17 pounds get thrown away. I’ve watched kids take their cup of vegetables or fruit they’re required to take and just throw it away.”

"Man, that global starvation is like so not cool, dude. Let me go throw away some food now."

The Nebraska Farmers Union was working to partner with Lincoln-area schools to collect discarded food to fuel a worm farm, known as vermiculture.

Yet another worm farm success story.

Some 3,000 pigs at a Rhode Island hog farm scarf up uneaten fruits and vegetables, too.

I think I've given you enough isolated anecdotes to make the point.

Two Rhode Island districts – North Smithfield and Burrillville – that are sending their scraps to My Blue Heaven Farm. Both districts are participants in the National School Lunch Program, which is implementing the hated federal lunch rules.

Not to be confused with My Blue Heaven fantasy camp, where I went last year and had a great time pretending to be a mob informant relocated to a small California town. 

Komment Korner  

anything government puts their hands on gets destroyed... ruined...

Naaahhhh, those are just your peon kids, they will eat whatever their Dear Leader tells them to eat.

Perhaps they should move to Russia or China to see how well things work there.

To see what BHO has in mind for America google the 'Holodomor"

Just to clarify, we at Galloping Grace Youth Ranch do not feed the cafeteria scraps to the pigs, only to the chickens. The Federal Swine Act states that any meat products must be recooked prior to feeding pigs. We do collect fruit and vegetable discards from local grocery stores and food banks and feed this to them. In the end, we donate the pork back to local food banks and food pantries.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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