Friday, April 10, 2015

News You Can't Use: New .sucks Domain Stirs Up Storm Over Free Speech

Looking for exciting material on the cobweb related to straws, candy canes and industrial vacuums? Well, you're in luck, because the exciting new "Dot Sucks" revolution is upon us. Think of the amazing lamprey sites! Wait, I've just been told it will be little more than garbled anger directed at broad-side-of-a-barn targets like Google, Facebook and Taylor Swift. Finally a chance to make that "Why thar no not like button on da web book" page that the world is practically begging for. Or maybe not, because it turns out the monied elites that rule over us aren't thrilled with the idea of periods and suck being placed after their names by the new breed of Solzhenitsyns eager to battle the Beast System and also bad pop music.

The new Internet domain .sucks has stirred up a firestorm over free online speech and the potential for extortion against companies and individuals.

Yes, you read correctly, extortion. We have created an site full of lies and character assassinations. Leave ten million in unmarked bills in a P.O. Box or suffer the full wrath of a new top level domain no one has actually heard of.

The company operating this new domain claims it is "designed to help consumers find their voices and allow companies to find the value in criticism."

We are high-minded and noble heroes who use blowjob language to appeal to humanity's worst impulses. Finally that negative review of Microsoft products will have a home, unlike now where they have successfully scoured any and all criticism from the inner-tubes.

But critics see it as a shakedown scheme designed to force companies and individuals to fork over cash to keep an unfavorable or offensive website offline.

It's so hard to pick a side in this fight, what with everyone being so completely awful.

According to media reports, Microsoft, Facebook, Google and other large companies have bought up the domains by exercising their trademark priority rights, presumably with no intent to use them. Music star Taylor Swift reportedly did the same thing.

Wow, she really can turn those tables. Trouble, trouble. Shook this one right off. Thank you lame commercial gym for forcibly exposing me to this garbage to the point where I can reference it effortlessly.

Also, our ruling reptiles seem to be really afraid of a few semi-literate dirt bags creating special "you suck" sites for them. It's almost like this all just a giant house of cards. 18 trillion in debt you say? Huh, how about that.

What has fueled concerns is that the domain registrar, a Canadian-based company called Vox Populi, is charging $2,500 for the website names -- far more than a typical website registration of $10 to $25 -- before the names are opened to the public on June 1.

Oh, Canada. It's the neighbor that seems normal enough, but has a basement full of dope and holds regular wife-swap parties. Anything goes up there, man.

This really is some sleazy stuff, in all seriousness.

The Intellectual Property Constituency, an advisory group to the global Internet domain regulator, complained last month that the "exorbitant sums" are effectively a "shakedown scheme" to get money from companies and others.

They already got their T. Swizzle money, bro. It's a little late for this.

After the June 1 deadline, online trolls or "cybersquatters" could buy up the names and then extort even higher prices, according to the group which includes film, software and music industry associations and other trademark organizations.

Another victory for the free market! Look at all the value that's being created by the invisible hand of human garbage!

The group last month urged the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN), which manages the domain system, to stop the .sucks domain before it goes live.

Please vaguely defined shadow entity, stop this Canadian evil!

"Break down the cockpit doors, American internet! Assume the controls!"

Atallah told AFP however that as a result of the complaint, ICANN decided to forward the matter to regulators in the United States and Canada.

Regulators. We regulate any stealing of billionaire intellectual property. We're damn good, too. But you can't be any geek from a vaguely defined governing body. Gotta be handy with the domains, earn your keep.

John Berard, chief executive at Vox Populi, told AFP the new domain is something that companies can use to engage with consumers, and that he sees the word "sucks" as "edgy" but not pejorative.

It might have been edgy in 1981. Now with children's programs routinely spewing the foulest of foul words, to say nothing of R-13 movies for preteens, I don't think so.

"We think we're creating an opportunity for interaction that is meaningful," he said.

I'd respect you more if you were honest about your moral leprosy, I really would.

"If a company were to establish its own .sucks site and drive that discussion to a centralized location it might be quite a valuable asset."

Think of the synergy, raised awareness, cross-branding and strategic communication these fellatio-themed sites will allow. 

Berard added that the pricing "reflects what we believe to be the value of the names."

This dot suck site is a valuable commodity! Really!

Asked about ICANN's letter to regulators, Berard said, "I don't think that anyone who takes a look will find a problem."

Please do not "mount up."

The debate comes with ICANN acting to vastly expand the number of so-called generic top-level domains (gTLDs) from the traditional ones like .com and .gov, including some such as .porn and .wine.

Well, at least we have our priorities straight. Please visit my new site at

Komment Korner  

Voltaire highly influenced our Founders and Framers is already taken

Free speech free speech for the dumb. Free speech free speech for the dumb.

Why not ".sux?"

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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