News You Can't Use: Staten Island Priest Sued for Vile Rants at HS

It's been far too long since we've had a "New York City don't play, suckah" story, but we've got a good one to return with. Seriously, NYC doesn't mess around. From the mole people and cannibal underground dwellers to dangerous cartoon mascots, the Death Wish vigilante and now the amazing cursing man of the cloth, the Apple is where it's at. God works in mysterious ways, after all, and those ways are never more inscrutable than when we've got a Staten Island pastor spewing profanity and catching some litigation because U.S.A.

This man of God raised holy hell with his satanic curses.

If the written word could inflict physical pain the above sentence would be the equivalent to a sledgehammer to the bathing suit area.

A stunning new lawsuit accuses a trash-talking Staten Island priest of raining a steady spew of obscenities, insults and slurs on terrified staffers at St. Joseph By The Sea High School.

You'd think living in The City would desensitize you to steady spews of the most vulgar possible language, even or perhaps especially from the clergy, but apparently not.

Women were “b----es” or “tw-ts,” gays were “f-gs,” certain teachers were “d---heads” to the coarse man of the cloth. Father Michael Reilly once even threatened to boot a black man “back to the jungle,” and to kick a cancer patient “to the f---ing curb.”

The big mean doctor threatened to kick my rapidly dying body to the freaking curb. Then I went to Cancer Center of America.

In fact, the suit charged the raunchy reverend appeared incapable of expressing a single thought without dropping an f-bomb — or ten.

Also called Average Teenager Syndrome.

Reilly “unleashed a constant stream of rude, crude and inappropriate remarks including saying the word f--- in almost every sentence in some form,” according to the 12-page Manhattan Supreme Court filing.

I had no idea how many ways the eff word could be conjugated until I met the venal New York priest. 

“(The) rude, crude and abusive language and actions committed by Father Reilly ... and condoned by the Archdiocese and Cardinal Dolan are offensive to the tenets of (plaintiffs’) religious beliefs,” the suit charged.

We'd ask God to punish him or whatever, but nuisance lawsuits have replaced lightning bolts and locust swarms in this modern world.

“This petty tyrant gets away with it because he gets backed up by the Archdiocese,” said Michael Dowd, attorney for plaintiffs Maureen Smith, Lawrence Boliak and Thomas Rodes. The latter two are retired cops.

Petty tyranny is truly best tyranny.

The Archdiocese, in a statement, said “the genesis for this lawsuit” came last fall when Boliak allegedly pulled down the pants of a male former student on school grounds.

That might be arguably worse than saying the foulest of foul words.

Boliak said he tugged at the young man’s shorts while trying to restrain the former student from fighting with Manos.

The hands of fate.

Full Article.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: College Bro Arrested Over Mac-and-Cheese Rant at Food Court

Hey brahs, let me aware you on the latest jimmy rustling events from the poverty level four year debt center. It turns out the non-lifting, untanned normals in charge don't take kindly to open alcohol containers or physical attacks, which probably proves some sort of point about the decline of society but I'm midway through the second 40 ounce so maybe ask someone else. In any case, try to stay safe as we examine this case of an attempt to acquire proteins gone horribly wrong. Das not it, mang.

University of Connecticut student got into a confrontation with a campus food court manager who wouldn’t let him buy macaroni and cheese with bacon and jalapeño peppers, and was arrested.

Another defeat for the free market. "Let me get this mac n' whatever, dudemar." "We're a state-funded university. We already got your tax dollars, bud."

An obscenity-laced video shows 19-year-old freshman Luke Gatti arguing with and shoving the manager on Sunday.

Every generation gets the version of the Great Debate that it deserves.

Police and the manager say he was refused service because he had an open alcohol container.

Yup, that's a college student all right. I guess we could just use our own discretion and make the sale anyway, but the principle of the thing is worth creating the 2015 answer to a Ritz Brothers movie.

The nine-minute video shows Gatti being tackled by another employee, being arrested by police and spitting at the manager before being led away.

No matter what you like, chances are this "bro" has it. Enjoy open containers in public? No problem. Customer service and unrestricted commerce? Aw, yeah. Fluckie football and gestapoism? This is America, remember?

Bench, squat and dead is what does.

He’s charged with breach of peace and criminal trespass. 

College really is a rich learning experience. Now you can experience being a nuisance to our legal system.

He hasn’t returned a phone call seeking comment.

Fast misc.

Full Story.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.