Wednesday, October 7, 2015

News You Can't Use: College Bro Arrested Over Mac-and-Cheese Rant at Food Court

Hey brahs, let me aware you on the latest jimmy rustling events from the poverty level four year debt center. It turns out the non-lifting, untanned normals in charge don't take kindly to open alcohol containers or physical attacks, which probably proves some sort of point about the decline of society but I'm midway through the second 40 ounce so maybe ask someone else. In any case, try to stay safe as we examine this case of an attempt to acquire proteins gone horribly wrong. Das not it, mang.

University of Connecticut student got into a confrontation with a campus food court manager who wouldn’t let him buy macaroni and cheese with bacon and jalapeño peppers, and was arrested.

Another defeat for the free market. "Let me get this mac n' whatever, dudemar." "We're a state-funded university. We already got your tax dollars, bud."

An obscenity-laced video shows 19-year-old freshman Luke Gatti arguing with and shoving the manager on Sunday.

Every generation gets the version of the Great Debate that it deserves.

Police and the manager say he was refused service because he had an open alcohol container.

Yup, that's a college student all right. I guess we could just use our own discretion and make the sale anyway, but the principle of the thing is worth creating the 2015 answer to a Ritz Brothers movie.

The nine-minute video shows Gatti being tackled by another employee, being arrested by police and spitting at the manager before being led away.

No matter what you like, chances are this "bro" has it. Enjoy open containers in public? No problem. Customer service and unrestricted commerce? Aw, yeah. Fluckie football and gestapoism? This is America, remember?

Bench, squat and dead is what does.

He’s charged with breach of peace and criminal trespass. 

College really is a rich learning experience. Now you can experience being a nuisance to our legal system.

He hasn’t returned a phone call seeking comment.

Fast misc.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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