Friday, October 23, 2015

News You Can't Use: Oregon AG Accuses Retailer GNC of Selling Drug-Spiked Dietary Supplements

Are you looking to get on some "gear" but haven't been able to figure out that the guy who comes to your gym wearing a suit once a week, isn't at all muscular and promptly disappears into the locker room for thirty minutes before leaving without doing any exercises is the person you need to talk to? If this is the case you might want to consider the powders, placebos and potions offered by the General Nutrition Center, located in rapidly dying shopping malls near you. Or maybe not, since as best as I can tell from skimming a lengthy, meandering, poorly written article from USA Today that I'll probably get sick of riffing on halfway through there might be dangerous drugs lurking among the safe ones that promote thickness, solidity and tightness.

GNC, one of the world’s largest retailers of supposedly all-natural dietary supplements, has knowingly sold products spiked with two synthetic drugs, according to internal company records and a lawsuit filed Thursday by Oregon’s attorney general.

I'm not an expert at so-called criminality and fraud, but I'm pretty sure if you're going to "spike" something with synthetic drugs it's in your interest not to leave a massive paper trail of memos and TPS reports. What would these records even look like? "RE: Miracle Slim Diet Powder. Yeah, we're gonna add to, or 'spike' if you will, this product with dangerous drugs. The funny thing is, no one will ever find out and we'll make that big evil genius bank. So don't say nothin' and maybe destroy this memo, k?"

The suit accuses GNC of selling thousands of units of 22 workout and fat-burner supplement products that contained picamilon, a prescription drug in Russia that is used there to treat neurological conditions. 

In post-Soviet Russia diet pill is for makink the mind work better. Also, I'm not sure what the downside of this is, other than the involvement of the Russian boogeyman that has been bombing the terrorists we were planning on somehow turning into good little democratic consumers. Washboard stomach and a cure for my neurological conditions in one handy pill? How can I lose?

Internal company records show a key GNC official knew as far back as 2007 the ingredient wasn’t natural, the suit alleges, and therefore could not lawfully be included in dietary supplements, which can only contain natural ingredients. 

The only unnatural supplement act is one that's physically impossible to perform.

Oregon Attorney General Ellen Rosenblum also accuses the retail giant of selling other workout and weight-loss supplements that contained a synthetic amphetamine-like chemical known as BMPEA, Beta-methylphenethylamine and by several other chemical names.

This is an outrage. Bennies in the thinner potions. Hey, wake up, you're supposed to get angry! Come on, we need litigation!

Among other evidence of wrongdoing, the attorney general's office cites emails circulated two years ago among top GNC executives in the wake of a 2013 USA TODAY article about BMPEA in supplements.

Technical ineptitude with you electronic post office leading to a downfall. We call this the "Hillary maneuver."

GNC, which initially said it wouldn't comment on the pending litigation, issued a short statement Thursday afternoon

We convinced them to do it be texting "please respond."

Shares of the company plunged almost 15% to $34.23 in late afternoon trading.

Time to dump those Russian neurotoxin futures, the bottom just fell out.

According to the lawsuit, actions in May 2007 by a key GNC official — responsible for ensuring that supplement labels and scientific claims are accurate — show "GNC knew that picamilon is not a lawful dietary ingredient."

It also revealed that "Guaranteed to jack you up" is a totally scientific claim that proved misleading.

If your amateur ass takes it and dies we can use the "For Professional Athletes!" blurb to defeat lawsuits.

Documents reviewed by the official at that time showed “that picamilon was a synthetic drug created by Soviet investigators and was not a lawful dietary ingredient in the United States,” the suit alleges. 

We must keep this Red Menace from sapping our vital bodily six-packs.

Komment Korner  

my friend's sister makes $61 hourly on the laptop

Anthing can be considered a supplement like table salt or sugar.

Stop advertising your ignorance!

If they are guilty for anything it is selling cr@p that doesn't work.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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