News You Can't Use: K2 'Zombies' at Brooklyn Intersection

There's a reason that New York City is the only city in America and quite possibly the world that actually matters and that reason is we just don't play, sucka. From Hello Kitty costume wearing junkies that will straight-up rush you, to mole people and of course the next President it's clear that living in The City is both no big deal and the biggest deal possibly imaginable, all at once. Stuff is so thick down here in Manny-Hanny that even fake dope users are a clear and present danger. Yes, abusers who can't even enter the Elmo Union are clearly no picnic, either. I heart sign this city so much it probably ain't even healthy.

A street corner in Brooklyn is one of the worst spots in the city for synthetic marijuana use, with users lighting up in broad daylight, passing out on sidewalks and stumbling out into traffic, according to reports.

Much like that episode of Degrassi Junior High where the prankster kid took vitamins and pretended to be high, except, I guess, slightly less humorous.

Even longtime residents of Bed-Stuy and Bushwick say drug use at the intersection of Broadway and Myrtle Avenue has reached “epidemic” levels.

I mean, "foughetta bout it." I've seen some crazy stuff during my time in the Earthly purgatory that is Bushwick, but these new placebo effect druggies are the absolute worst.

One man said: “I’ve lived here for more than 20 years, and it’s terrible now.”

Ten minutes to deadline, better quick whip-up a fake quote (for a story on fake dope!!!) that has no attribution whatsoever. That journalism school bunco, man.

Synthetic marijuana, also known as K2, is illegal to sell in New York City under legislation passed last fall amid a spike in use. But stores near Broadway and Myrtle are still dealing it — police have reportedly issued hundreds of summonses to store owners, according to a report in DNAinfo New York.

When we made it illegal we didn't, you know, think we'd have to do anything like go in stores or whatever. We were pretty sure the honor system would handle things in a city one bad day away from a return to a state of nature.

Lately, locals have been complaining about quality-of-life issues associated with the drug. 

"I barely felt anything at all from this hocus-pocus!"

New York City health officials issued warnings last spring after synthetic marijuana sent 160 people to hospitals in a little over a week.

There they were given sugar pills to treat the imaginary overdose effects.

The Death Wish vigilante probably doesn't agree.

“It’s an epidemic, every borough, every hood. Just look at the people on the corner, they look like zombies,” Trevor Tyrrell told DNAinfo.

I can handle cannibalistic underground dwellers, giant rats and roving violence gangs, but these zombies might be too much.

Last month a man with a dagger was shot and wounded by police in Bergen Beach, Brooklyn.

Yes, a dagger. Not unlike in "Mazes and Monsters." As a wizard it's the only weapon I'm allowed to use. These are my spells, I guard them with my life.

One teen who was at a rehab center at the time described the drug as a “big blackout.”

Not exactly the next Hunter S. Thompson, but it's the best we've got.

Full Article.

Komment Korner   

I’ve made $64,000 so far this year w0rking 0nline and I’m a full time student.

Doesn't unfettered liberalism bring about utopia?

60% of K8-K12 comprehension tested can not pass reading test. 60%... Only 43% can do math. We are sure doing a great job. But, they all know the size of Kardasians posterior.

They're obviously not the brighest among us but they are not doing anything in conflict with natural law.

I get paid £96 every hour from online jobs. I never thought I’d be able to do it

That's the spirit. Thinking hurts. Don't risk it. 


Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Video Shows Suspected Vandals Taking Control Of Stored Subway Train

I'm always fighting the urge to post nothing but New York insanity, all the time. Between heroin addicts dressed as Disney characters, the mole people, and criminal gangs that take over subways for the sole purpose of vandalizing them, there's enough to go around. Honestly, what would you do if you were a criminal element that had seized control of the Red Line? If your answer is "Cover it with spray paint, then leave" you've got the right attitude to take part in the latest Big Apple pathology.

A piece of newly viral video Saturday night showed a group of subway vandals striking again – this time sneaking onto a stored train and taking control of it.

Please die modern world. Do you think there were "viral books" going around a hundred years ago? "Man, you won't believe the crazy stuff in this Hemingway, check it out!" Today, we enjoy watching already sagging infrastructure get the "street art" treatment from dangerous New York underground humanoids, possibly of the cannibalistic variety.

The group, known as the Subway Conquestors, has been implicated in several other incidents in recent months.

The name of our destroy society and replace it with nothing club has a non-word in it, but I'm sure it's not the fault of the public school or anything.

An announcement and digital map indicate that the train is set to run as a D Train, but the train is of a newer model than those actually used on the D line.

This is the one that takes you through mole people land and into Electric Executioner territory, not the one where that guy with nerd glasses shot muggers.

D.J. Hammers, who uploaded the video, alleged that they used stolen subway keys.

Please Hammer, don't hurt the mass transit system. Also, I think this "alleged" statement is crazy enough to be true.

Later, the video shows a quarrel that ends with a man being struck and falling to the ground, in what appears to be an unused subway station. Details about that incident have not been learned.

If destroying inanimate objects isn't your thing we threw in a little poorly defined violence toward other biological units to help sate your sickening blood lust. Please share and subscribe.

A subway train sign that is described as having been vandalized also appears.

"When are they gonna wreck some signage? I'm getting so angry. Oh, there it is."

Police sources believe the Subway Conquestors were also responsible for an explosion in the Bronx, and have been linked to one at Brooklyn’s Nostrand Avenue station in April.

Explosion in the Bronx, no one actually noticed or cared.

Rail enthusiast Max Diamond said the acts are getting more extreme as the vandals try to one up each other. They have been accused of changing destination signs to confuse passengers, surfing train cars, and stealing Metropolitan Transportation Authority equipment and gear.

I own a model railroad, which qualifies me to discuss transportation and collapse of America issues with the media.

Yes, but is it art?

“It’s extremely dangerous. The tools and keys they have give them full control over subway trains just like any other employee of the MTA — which is incredibly scary, because this is 16, 17-year-old kids,” he said.

"I certainly don't let my kids get anywhere near my toy train sets."

Don't bother with the ad-intensive source:  http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2015/05/16/video-subway-vandals/

Komment Korner  

Studies show that thugs will stop assaulting a victim once you have killed them.

Must be those darn Japanese exchange students.

I'm surprised this comment section is still open.

"snuck"? And this girl reporter no doubt graduated form journalism school.

Someone should have used an axe on your mom's fallopian tubes before you were born

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Subway Trains Fumigated After Bedbugs Found

In New York City when we say "don't let the bedbugs bite" we mean it very literally. We also might warn you about aggressive junkies dressed up as Hello Kitty, rats the size of ponies, underground humaniods that mostly subsist on human flesh and stage shows that are often overrated and fail to deliver the full entertainment value you would expect for the price demanded. Yes, there are a few dangers to living in a city that resembles your "teen hero dystopia" minus the plucky kids, wacky futurist fashions and even the smallest glimmer of hope. The good news is that the fumigators are on the case, so soon the bedbug problem can be downgraded to a mere "subway car interior coated with poison" issue.

The city fumigated three subway trains after bedbugs were spotted on them over the weekend, the MTA says.

New York don't play, sucker. The city itself, not workers or even half-human mole people, went to work on these trains. Three letters were there to comment on it.

All the bedbugs were found on the N line.

Not to be confused with the "Death Wish vigilante" line or the one that takes you right into the throne room of the Mole King whose unfathomable demands are immediately carried out by his blind minions. The "N" will take you to the burning tire district after a few stops in "Gramercy Rifts" territory.

Two trains were taken out of service Sunday after the bugs were found on some cars. A third N train was fumigated Tuesday.

Let me check my fingers. Yup, that would make three.

MTA spokesman Kevin Ortiz wouldn't say where on the trains the bugs were found, nor would he say at which point in the line they were discovered

He also wouldn't comment on the meaning of life, was highly taciturn when asked about those Elmo bullies and didn't having nuttin' to say 'bout living in the world's worst city.

The Daily News reports some of the critters were spotted in seat cushions in train cabs used by conductors and motormen.

Maybe if we referred to the C.H.U.D.s in a cutesy fashion they would seem like less of a problem.

Could bedbug sniffing dogs be the answer?

Ortiz didn't say when the last reported bedbug sighting on a subway train was.
 

We're in good hands with this "see nothing, say nothing" guy in charge.

Full Article.

Komment Korner  

Wish there was a way to AGREE with your post but not "like" it...

Everything that goes wrong, you blame Obama. You would think he has been in that office for the last millennium

This country is a republic.

What the NYC subways need to fumigated for is to get rid of LIBERALS.

Fumigation won't work---believe me I tried.

Check Out My Books!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read free excerpts here and here.

His first novel "The Foolchild Invention" is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Pols Promise a Solution Against ‘Elmo Bullies’

New York City ain't no joke, man. If the air and water don't kill you the druggers, violence mobs and humanoid underground dwellers will. Even the most effeminate of children's characters are weaponized into aggressive panhandlers and con artists. Tickle me Elmo? Try, "Intimidate you with physical violence into making a 'donation' to the heroin fund Elmo." Since even the Death Wish vigilante isn't going to shoot junkies dressed up as Big Bird or whatever, it's up to "Pols" to spring into action and attempt to legislate away urban rot that's so virulent it even infected wussy kid stuff.

Though complaints about Times Square can fill an entire encyclopedia, at the latest Times Square Alliance’s Midtown conditions meeting, one issue took center stage: how to deal with Elmo, Hello Kitty and Spiderman, among other costumed characters.

I once visited the "Complaints on Time Square" Wikipedia page and it gave my computer about a hundred viruses, broke both my arms and stole the radio from my car. I don't recommend it.

When they came for the break dancers I didn't say anything because I wasn't a break dancer. When they came for the untreated mentally ill drug abusers dressed up like cutesy Japanese nonsense I didn't say anything...etc.

Costumed characters that panhandle or offer pictures in exchange for money have proliferated in Times Square, as noted by the Wall Street Journal, adding to the usual commercial chaos of the famed town square.

"It's making it hard for me to sell pencils, crude window washing and miniature American flags to raise funds to buy tiny white rocks."

And while they may seem cuddly, elected officials said the characters are a serious problem.

Let's explode the myth of the "lovable meth addict," once and for all time.

This is a cancer on Times Square that has to be excised soon.

"You're a disease, Hello Kitty, and I'm the cure." *repeatedly fires combat shotgun*

“The panhandlers are exploiting the First Amendment, but I don’t think you have a First Amendment right to harass and threaten people as some of these characters have done.”

Can we just add an amendment to the Bill of Rights that very clearly states "None of these rights apply if you're wearing a muppet-themed costume." Yup, we're gonna start quartering soldiers in the house of the guy that dresses up as "Scooter."

The alliance’s director, Tim Tompkins, said they’re not all bad — but their presence, and the number of complaints, has grown in the last two years.

There's at least two or three who don't shoot up or menace people, so we're kind of in a tight spot.

“The problem is not with the folks that are out there making kids happy in an appropriate way, the problem is the folks that are both subtly and not so subtly intimidating and harassing people,” Mr. Tompkins said.

This is NYC pal, there aren't any "folks" here. Try dope-heads, mole people and walking, anthropomorphic evil. Whoever it was that taught politicians "people will trust you more if you use circa 1930 Alabama syntax" deserves the worst.

The companies that own the characters being depicted are also interested in addressing this issue, Mr. Tompkins added, and having a way to get troublemakers out of their character’s costumes. He called on the City Council to regulate them.

"I sold you a costume depicting our intellectual property and then sued you for wearing it!" Logic.

City Councils. We regulate any harassing of "folks" by depictions of animated characters. We're damn good too. But you can't be any geek off the streets. Gotta be handy with the illogical application of capitalism and our legal system, earn your keep.

“If you have a licensing scheme, then you have the ability to leave the people alone who are doing the right thing, but also go after the people that are not doing the right thing” he added.

We used to call this force "God." It's now more correctly identified as a "licensing scheme." It will make people do right and not do not right. Somehow.

Manhattan Borough President Gale Brewer told reporters she was open to examining a slew of possible solutions.

"We got a whole heapin' helpin' of in-ter-esting solutions for the folks on God's Green Earth, not to mention our costumed brothers and sisters."

Put him in jail!

“Legally, what do we want to do?  We want to regulate them? We want them to be licensed? How do we not infringe on the First Amendment?” she asked.

Obviously more red tape and bureaucracy is the answer, but how to do it?

“They accost people. I’ve seen it with my own eyes — they ask to take a picture, they ask for money, they chase people to the ATM sometimes for money. They are very aggressive and it doesn’t show a good picture of New York,” Ms. Brewer said.

If we're going to win that bid to have the entire city transformed into a prison colony we're going to have to improve that image a little.

“We’ve talked with our legal department about how we craft this legislation to allow you to express yourself, because I support freedom of speech and your right to freely act, speak and engage, but the minute you violate somebody else’s space then you have to be held accountable,” he said.

Or you could just actually enforce existing laws, whatever.

Mr. King seemed confident about the future of the bill. “I do expect huge support of the council members, I do,” he said.

Moments later he was torn to pieces and devoured by C.H.U.Ds.

Full Article.

Komment Korner   

I'm not saying it's good or it's right, but it is caused by liberal and democrat policy.

The only cancer in new York are the Communists who run it.

You mean like how NYC has a real handle on licensing Taxis. AHHAHAH Character medallions?

Just like the stings to bust criminals that rob drunks on the trains.

Check Out My Books!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read free excerpts here and here.

His first novel "The Foolchild Invention" is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: NYPD Arrests Nearly 100 Subway Break Dancers

Is there a more persecuted minority group than breakers and poppers? All right, maybe all those people that hate to laugh and don't enjoy fun, but that's about it. It seems that The Man is always trying to destroy our healthy good times of downrock, freezes and generally spinning on the head and so forth. The latest outrage comes from New York City, where the war on B-boying has entered an ugly new phase. It's bad enough we're expected to pay for own protection (sheets of cardboard on the ground) but now we're being arrested by a system that finds our power moves threatening.

After recently learning that New York sleeps in later than every other city in the country, we’re wondering why the NYPD is trying so damn hard to get rid of subway break dancers.

Nice and professional, Observer. Why the fucking shit bitch shitty crap is the NYPD doing this? I'm just tryin' to sleep in, here. How ya doin'? Fogettaboutit!

Because what does a better job of waking New Yorkers up than dodging flailing legs on the L train at 9:00 a.m.? Oh yeah, we have Starbucks for that.

I think we can now concede that letting the editor's talentless punk kid write an article was a bad idea.

Officials say that 46 subway break dancers have been charged with reckless endangerment so far this year. Another 50 have been charged with disorderly conduct, New York reports.

We are the dead.

There were only two such charges of reckless endangerment committed by subway dancers in 2013.

This is what scientists and so on call "number get bigger."

But dancers aren’t the only underground dangers the NYPD is targeting, and no, we’re not talking about the rats or the crowds, or even the upskirt photography (although we wish we were).

Right now our main targets are Mole People, alligators, break dancers and those monsters from the movie Tremors. We can't go after camera perverts because that's a Constitutionally protected freedom.

Despite Mayor Bill de Blasio insisting there is no “crackdown” going on, the Post reported that police have busted 371 panhandlers so far this year — a hefty increase from the total 100 charged last year.

Because this is somehow relevant to the struggle for our nation's soul going on over my freedom to swing from objects and then hold a pose as if unable to move.

The most prophetic movie ever made.

Those peddling churros and other yummy snacks without licenses are coming under fire as well

"All right pal, do you realize how yummy you were being back there?"

At least underground muggings are down!

Mostly because of that Death Wish guy. 

Full Story.

Komment Korner  

Artistic expression? I am surprised the twat that wrote this article is not claiming racial profiling. God forbid we not want to allow people to act like Overgrown children.

these youngsters are actually dancing the polls on full trains and is more intimidating to the riders than it is entertaining, doing his horizontal hanging on the pole he had his sneakers literally in my face

Make them catch 10 rats down there per infraction.

About time the crackdown started.

In de jungle, you've got to be able to do dis to get dem bananas.

Check Out My Books!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read a free excerpt here.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Research Claims Your Cat Thinks You’re Just Another (Big!) Cat

What is going on in the mind of your cat? The correct answer is some variation on "sleep, eat, reproduce, repeat" and "I can't wait until my owner is sick or otherwise vulnerable so I can finally consume those delicious eyeballs." The incorrect answer is it thinks you're a giant cat, and not in a good way, either.

As an overly-exuberant animal lover, I’m somewhat ashamed to confess that I am not a cat person.

The shame of it all.

"Man, I love Renaissance art! I'm just all overly-exuberant about it!"
"Wow, you must be into Michelangelo, right?"
"Well...no."

Sure, cats are as cute as the next fuzzy mammal and kittens are all-out adorable, but felines enjoy hunting and killing things, and they don’t seem to care much for humans either.

Incredibly the survival or destruction, tooth 'n' claw natural world isn't as "adorable" as you might have thought.

According to Dr. John Bradshaw, who’s studied felines for over 30 years and wrote the tome Cat Sense, cats were never bred for companionship.

It's this sort of dynamite revelation that comes from thirty years of studying and writing "tomes." Hey, I'm all for creative vocabulary, but a cutesy book on kitty kats is not really what I think of when you say "tome."

In fact, they tend to think of humans as big, lazy, overgrown fellow cats, which might explain some of that cool, disinterested behavior towards us.

Whoa, I might be big and lazy and overgrown, but I'll have you know...what was the third thing again?

“if a cat “kneads” you, that’s how it used to get milk from its mother.”

Just when you thought "cat person" pathology couldn't get any creepier.

In other words, what seems like feline affection might actually be perfunctory.

As opposed to human physical affection, which is always a combination of magic and transcendence that touches the very deepest levels of meaning.

After reading some of Bradshaw’s research, I remain unconvinced that the glowering creature hiding under the couch isn’t going to claw my face off the first chance it gets.

Just for your information what you described there isn't a cat. It's a mole person.

Another reliable article on cat behavior.

And to any pet owner who claims their cat is “just like a dog,” I have just one thing to say: No, he isn’t, and you obviously don’t have a dog.
 

*dramatically pulls on "Yorkie" sweater and walks confidently toward the setting sun*

Original Article.

Komment Korner  

Any dog would vote for Obama. Thousands surely did.

"I hate you! Feed me!"

Is this JOURNALISM or a mere opinion of a cat hater?

Cats and dogs arent people, stop trying to personify these animals.

My cat thinks I'm a chair.

Shill Section

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read a free excerpt here.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

DotTeeVee: Bullet proof your home for SHTF

With the imminent fall of the sky creeping closer it makes sense to start getting super serious about ways to survive the coming Armageddon. I'm talking things like "bug-out bags" and "100,000 rounds of ammunition, minimum," and don't let the Obama-care zombies bite you and so forth. No doubt these ideas will be vindicated, assuming their advocates survive the initial explosion of violence, which does seem pretty presumptuous. Assuming you last long enough, you can then start thinking about making your house bullet proof!

Bring it on, NWO!!!

After displaying the above image out unseen narrator introduces himself as "patriot survival" because nothing is more synonymous with patriotism than constantly imagining all against all scenarios and how you're going to run and hide during them. He proposes a new answer to SHTF or WROL scenarios and frankly it's about time. Apparently "prepping" is full of this sort of lame jargon, because using code words is fun and it's neat to be part of the Sure To Survive The End club. Let's set our decoder rings and keep watching.

 

Stock up on these while it's still legal!

Unfortunately the new secret weapon against The Beast System turns out to be old grass bags. I have to admit I was a little disappointed, even if our heroic patriot imagines deploying them for bug-in (???) scenarios as well as building "super strong permanent underground bunkers." Before we start creating fortified kill zones in front of our trailer park, we need to discuss the pro and contra as compared to "sand bags." The seed bag is larger, but suffers from a lack of UV protection, meaning the sun will wreck it. Since we're going to be living like moles after the O-bombing I really don't see this as a big deal.

The true American Republic lives on...in this hole.

 

The Omega Man talks about leaving some of these bags lying on his "gun range," lest we start worrying that there are some stereotypes he doesn't conform to. I'd bet money he has several "how to turn your home into an ammo dump" videos, but let's focus on the bags, please. Speaking of which, we get an endless shot of one such bag, as if it's so interesting we have to thoroughly document it. Dynamic imagery is not exactly a strong suit for this survivor.

We discuss "earth bag building." "They've built museums out of them," we are told. After the bag rots away you've got shaped earth, I guess. I can see the utility, but "museums?" Really? Apparently this happened in California and wasn't just any museum, but a "large museum." Man, that crazy west coast. It sure will be a shame when it all is devoured by cleansing fire during SHTF and/or WROL

"This here is gonna be a museum."

 

We get more abbreviations and advice on taking your hillbilly sand bags along to the "bug-out location." Time to wrap up this fantasy with the suggestion of a possible "fire fight" where seed bags full of soil just might help you defeat the Obamunists or whatever. Then we get the usually "please like this video" begging that seems out of place from someone who expects the shoe to fall any day now. Those "likes" ain't gonna help you when Big Brother comes to get you, friend. 

For many more good ideas for that bug-out location I recommend this book.

Komment Korner

They will just burn you out.

Become friends with your neighbors and fellow citizens less work and safer as well. 

 awesome is that ur bug out location

 That is brilliant.

Aaron Zehner's first novel The Foolchild Invention is available in e-book format at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.