Wednesday, January 15, 2014

News You Can't Use: Research Claims Your Cat Thinks You’re Just Another (Big!) Cat

What is going on in the mind of your cat? The correct answer is some variation on "sleep, eat, reproduce, repeat" and "I can't wait until my owner is sick or otherwise vulnerable so I can finally consume those delicious eyeballs." The incorrect answer is it thinks you're a giant cat, and not in a good way, either.

As an overly-exuberant animal lover, I’m somewhat ashamed to confess that I am not a cat person.

The shame of it all.

"Man, I love Renaissance art! I'm just all overly-exuberant about it!"
"Wow, you must be into Michelangelo, right?"

Sure, cats are as cute as the next fuzzy mammal and kittens are all-out adorable, but felines enjoy hunting and killing things, and they don’t seem to care much for humans either.

Incredibly the survival or destruction, tooth 'n' claw natural world isn't as "adorable" as you might have thought.

According to Dr. John Bradshaw, who’s studied felines for over 30 years and wrote the tome Cat Sense, cats were never bred for companionship.

It's this sort of dynamite revelation that comes from thirty years of studying and writing "tomes." Hey, I'm all for creative vocabulary, but a cutesy book on kitty kats is not really what I think of when you say "tome."

In fact, they tend to think of humans as big, lazy, overgrown fellow cats, which might explain some of that cool, disinterested behavior towards us.

Whoa, I might be big and lazy and overgrown, but I'll have you know...what was the third thing again?

“if a cat “kneads” you, that’s how it used to get milk from its mother.”

Just when you thought "cat person" pathology couldn't get any creepier.

In other words, what seems like feline affection might actually be perfunctory.

As opposed to human physical affection, which is always a combination of magic and transcendence that touches the very deepest levels of meaning.

After reading some of Bradshaw’s research, I remain unconvinced that the glowering creature hiding under the couch isn’t going to claw my face off the first chance it gets.

Just for your information what you described there isn't a cat. It's a mole person.

Another reliable article on cat behavior.

And to any pet owner who claims their cat is “just like a dog,” I have just one thing to say: No, he isn’t, and you obviously don’t have a dog.
*dramatically pulls on "Yorkie" sweater and walks confidently toward the setting sun*

Komment Korner  

Any dog would vote for Obama. Thousands surely did.

"I hate you! Feed me!"

Is this JOURNALISM or a mere opinion of a cat hater?

Cats and dogs arent people, stop trying to personify these animals.

My cat thinks I'm a chair.

Shill Section

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read a free excerpt here.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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