News You Can't Use: ‘Blind’ Man Caught in Disability Fraud After Seen Driving a Speed Boat

Ready to pull that big scam on Uncle Sucker and cash in on the federal reserve crumbs? Of course you are. Here's a free tip, though. Don't pick the first disability that pops into your head. Believe it or not, pretending to be blind for an extended period of time might prove difficult, especially if you happen to be into boating. Play it safe and claim something like "Uncontrollable Falling Down Syndrome" or "Late Stage Cancer."

A “blind” Wisconsin man’s $175,000 Social Security disability fraud scheme ended when federal agents caught him driving a speedboat, according to the inspector general.

Well, let's not go jumping to any conclusions. Are they sure it wasn't a seeing eye boat?

Lawrence Popp, 58, was sentenced to one year in prison on Tuesday for defrauding the Social Security Administration after pretending to be blind in order to get disability benefits.

When the rain turns to pain.

Popp said he was unable to drive, read, or “bowl without bumpers” due to his condition.

Only in Wisconsin is bowling ability a benchmark of normal functioning. I'm guessing "I have trouble getting cheese and beer into my mouth" was on there, too.

Popp, a wealthy businessman, continued to work and go on lavish vacations in the Cayman Islands while collecting disability benefits for five years.

Yes, an already filthy rich bastard defrauded tax payers by pretending to be blind so he could take a few extra vacations. Can we change that one year sentence to something more fitting and appropriate, like being torn to pieces by vicious dogs?

Popp was found out after agents from the IRS and the SSA caught him driving a water-ski boat, a snowmobile, and driving a car to and from his benefits office, according to the Milwaukee-Wisconsin Journal Sentinel.

"After seeing the car and the snowmobile we were still unsure if he was really blind, but that boat really put it over the top." Yes, this guy was driving himself to the office where he pretended to be blind and no one noticed or cared for five years. Apparently that bad reputation government workers have is not entirely unearned.

Popp collected $115,000 in unlawful Medicare benefits and evaded $178,000 in taxes between 2004 and 2009 in addition to disability payments.

Looking forward to watching the movie "The Blind Wolf" in a few years, where this total and complete scumbag will be portrayed as a cool and rebellious hero.

During a review at an SSA office in 2008, Popp told his benefits counselor he “could not read small print, couldn’t bowl without bumpers used by children and couldn’t work.”

He then read the entire disclaimer from a sex pill ad, bowled a 300 game and built a deck. No one thought any of that was unusual.

Federal agents then recorded Popp walking back to his car and driving away.

It's debatable who the bigger tax thief is.

Just don't ask him to bowl.

A 2012 report from Sen. Tom Coburn (R., Okla.) found that more than 25 percent of benefits are awarded with “insufficient, contradictory, and incomplete evidence.”

There's no komment korner for this article, so I will attempt to produce the sort of comment that we would have gotten if there was one: "Man, that Obummer. More like hope and OUTRAGE."

Shill Section

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read a free excerpt here.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.