DotTeeVee: Judge Doesn't Take Sovereign Citizen’s Nonsense

We've seen the traffic stops, but what happens afterward, when delusional sovereign citizens must face the fair and speedy trial? This is an important question that deserves a through answer, but instead I'm going to review a two and a half minute video and consider the matter closed. In today's subject, a citizen resistor confronts a judge (and some lesser civil servants who go uncredited) and discovers there's a lot less patience to be had in this environment than on the shoulder of some interstate after you drove your "flat earth" truthing "property" without a license plate because of freedom.

Anyways, our Free Man of the Land is already stirred up when the amazing footage begins, yelling "Insubordination!" at a bailiff because that's a logical thing to do. I don't think that word means what you think it does. The heroic beardo continues, blasting the state employee for letting down the public trust. I guess that all happened (and rest assured, it's no doubt legitimate) before this particular video began. We can only speculate over the usurpation that occurred. Asking him to take his hat off? Who knows.

Another individual enters, mumbling about the imminent arrival of the judge. This is like a top-quality stage play, full of bravura performances and challenging themes, to say nothing of the champion tier dialogue. "Am I Being Detained," a critically acclaimed single act avant-garde inquisition into freedom and responsibility. After some heavy silence while the new arrival walks over to his mark, our sovereign asks the assembled trope of low-level authorities if they want to make any "counter-claims." You really don't understand this whole "legal system" thing.

It is the bright day that brings forth the adder

And that craves wary walking. Crown him that,

And then I grant we put a sting in him

That at his will he may do danger with.

We're then told that "failure to answer is consent." There's so much wrong with this statement and so many troubling implications, I'm not sure where to begin. Believe it or not, it turns out that, legally, a lack of a response can never be interpreted as an agreement to something, but on the other hand you can just make things up as you go. The millennial Perry Mason, everyone. The last hope of a free and fair society makes passive-aggressive comments about the literacy of the court employees and then just reads the nonsense out loud anyway. Suffice it to say, we get some garbled legalese that doesn't actually confer anything resembling a lucid meaning. The court room is like a wizard battle, just shout the magic words you don't understand and then you win.

 Am I being summoned? Am I free to go?

The babbling concludes with a "Do you agree?" paired with a lean-in of anticipation. Honestly, this is fake dinner theater I'm watching, right? Believe it or not, agreement is not obtained from the well-fed tool of the fascist regime we live under. Instead, he saunters past, the bright yellow hilt of the taser clearly visible. Anton Chekhov would be proud of this high-quality foreshadowing.

We get some fairly standard issue "I do not consent!" which is pretty bizarre, considering no one has made any request of the Article Four Inhabitant, but again, you want to check all the boxes. Let's discuss municipalities! Before this can turn into a thrilling Sunday morning local politics show, however, our hero demands to know who the "gatekeeper" is. Legal drama or high fantasy, it's a lot harder to tell the difference than you might initially expect.

What the hell are you talking about, cartoon from 2010?

Next it's time to question the "venue." John Grisham, eat your heart out and move over. It turns out we're in Oklahoma, so maybe this should've been a musical. Anyway, the judge is here and it's time for the "all rise" tyranny that any non-slave must reject. "I object!" You know, maybe watching half an episode of "Matlock" after taking krokodil didn't really adequately prepare you for this. The judge starts laying down the suppression. Who does this guy think he is, God? Far out, man.

The Sovereign Citizen is promptly arrested. I know, who could have predicted? In fine literary propriety, the shock gun is deployed just as the video ends.

Komment Korner   

lol dang where is the rest of the video. I want to see the camera guy get beat up to

He's in court no doubt for failing to a provide his drivers license during a routine traffic stop, probably got one of his windows smashed as well.

I can't believe those servants did that to a sovereign citizen! He even gave them a lawful order to stand down and they refused!!

It's ever so much fun when they get tased! :)

Mans that's some concentrated crazy right there

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.  

DotTeeVee: Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned 2 COMPILATION, Part VII

Previously on Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned we traveled (not drove, this is not a commercial vehicle) to Jolly Old England where we witnessed the blind aggression of a totalitarian state, we learned that you can't yell profanity in a public space without consequences, another window got smashed and a hero who wouldn't take off his hat in a courtroom for reasons that were never actually articulated got a ride in a wheelchair and a room in the painted concrete motel. Believe or not, today we're not only going to finish, but we have so little remaining material I'm going to have to throw in a special "bonus" video (lucky you, right?) just to make this an acceptable length (what she said, etc.).

For our final sovereign citizen we're back in Britain and this enemy of the state actually gets the courtesy of a blurred out face, a mercy Mister I Ain't Removing Muh Lid in No Court Room probably now wishes had been granted. It's time to blow into the breathalyzer and instead of citing the Articles of the Confederation or Hammurabi's Code our hero meekly complies. What kind of sovereign citizen is this? Next you'll just give the officer identification without a ten minute argument that concludes with a broken car window and repeated deployments of a taser.

Anyway, our faceless protagonist blows into the tyranny device. Despite the craven compliance just displayed, there's still going to be a ticket for some unknown violation, a state of affairs vigorously disputed by the last free man. The sticking point is it will be written in capital letters, one of the main weapons of the fascist state against us. Once they capitalize you, they can sell your birth certificate to China, if I'm correctly understanding how this outrage functions. We must never allow our names to typed out as "shouting," that's the bottom line.

Our unusually tractable free man casually promises to just take it to the "Supreme Courts" and the officer is all "Fine, sounds great." I'm sure a high court has nothing better to do than review the time this piece of work rolled a stop sign or whatever. On the other hand, our hero starts spouting legal mumbo jumbo and tells the brown shirt he'll owe "3 billion dollars" or "three pots of gold" (it's a cop, not a leprechaun, bro) for this incident. This is more like it. You've have totally redeemed your earlier compliance with this total nonsense.

Traffic violations aren't crimes according to People vs. Battle, laddie.

A voice-over closes us out. I guess this is like a classier continental version of "World's Wildest Police Videos." The traveler mentions appealing to "The Grand Master" and "Queen Victoria," earning what's basically a "Sod off, wanker" from a second officer. I just report this stuff. Some pointless bickering follows (I know, who would have thought) concluding with a claim to be a "shaman" that fails to gain the respect you would expect it to. With this whimper the video ends.

But don't leave yet! There's a totally lame slammin bonus video! Brought to us by someone or something called "Van Balion II," aka "Van the Man," it's one more classic traffic stop. We meet our less than impressive resistor, who is already asking for a badge number. Does that ever help or lead to anything good? My instincts tell me "no" and I'm pretty sure the officer's information will be on the ticket anyway, but on the other hand it antagonizes over-worked civil servants who are there for our protection, so you know it's good.

The tool of the Beast State explains that everything is already being recorded, so there's really no need to commit things to "the record" despite repeated requests. This is followed by a crash course in basic civics while the driver looks away at his recording device, seemingly doing his best to seduce the camera. Again, I just report this, I don't make it up.

Hello there beautiful. I didn't hear you come in.

The officer has clearly already lost all patience with this loser and demands ihnen papiern, bitte. Suffice it to say, this doesn't happen. Instead the last, best hope for a free and civil society again asks if this is "for the record," I guess forgetting those references to "everything is recorded" way back 30 seconds ago. "Are you under the influence?" Truly, angry cop is best cop. Honestly, make the request, repeat it maybe once, then break the window and apply the taser. No one who matters will care if you weren't polite to a fault.

Despite being a little blunt with the lover of liberty and high calorie meals, the officer still falls back into repeatedly asking for the required documents and we spin our wheels some more. It's apparently time to step out of the vehicle as we've gone from a civil offense to a criminal offense. "That's horrible!" If this guy breaks the window with his bare hands he'll officially become the best policeman we've seen in any of these seemingly endless sovereign citizen traffic stop videos.

"Maybe you watch too much T.V.!" Well, that would explain his voluptuous figure, but I think the information highway on the computer is responsible for this particular pathology. This is followed by giving the badge number and even the "commission card." Come on, break the damn window! All this sovereign citizen footage, it really does things to your perception of civil rights, let me tell you.

"I don't see why you're so angry?" Yeah, it really is quite the mystery. With that anti-climax, we're done. I need to get another hobby, this sovereign citizen stuff is not making me a better person.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.    

DotTeeVee: Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned 2 COMPILATION, Part VI

Last time on Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned we discovered what your upper body would look like if you never did a push-up in your life, we got a convincing argument for banning all immigration, ever, for any reason and the new King of America performed his self-coronation. If that wasn't enough, a diabolic plan to sell our names to China was uncovered and I learned that I'm never going to try to review a video longer than seven minutes or so again, ever, because this has totally consumed my life with no end in sight. Fortunately, I scouted ahead and from here on in we get some classy Old World charm from the British and, as far as I know, being a U.S. American without maps, their neighboring wayward children.

Am I free to go? Am I being detained? Do I have to answer this map question?

Sure enough, our next Free Man expresses outrage over a traffic stop in his distinct Slopeshire accent. This already feels much classier. I bet he's even wearing a shirt. Sadly, the "bobby" is making the universal request for ihnen papiern, bitte and it seems that no amount of appealing to "What law says that?" is going to prove useful for ending this predictable impasse. The authorities, the last hero and his fellow "traveler" (because we're traveling instead of driving, which is a commercial term, I don't know if they're communists) confer independently, each group coming up with a plan of action.

Those plans turn out to be "smash the glass" and "keep acting passive-aggressive and hope that somehow de-escalates the situation, respectively. 

Outrage is expressed as the cruel hands of tyranny mill about listlessly. "Are you gonna put up with this?" This is the question we must all answer, lest our freedom to be a jerk to poorly paid and overworked public servants starts to slip through our fingers. 

In the background a "tyres" truck drives past, confirming that we're across the pond.

"Look at this aggression!" This is immediately followed by shattering glass. Travel 3000 miles and nothing changes. The camera goes black. "Get out!" Addition high-pitched whining follows from The Resistor and the clip abruptly ends.

If you ain't Millwall I'll bash ya, you bleeding wanker.

Looks like we're back in the good old USA for the next clip, as unconfirmed by the ubiquitous obesity and "I flipped off your [fudging] friend." Sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. The officers challenge our hero's right to use "foul language" earning goofy laughter in return. Honestly, after watching a few hours of this stuff I'm ready to vote against due process, a chance we'll hopefully get very soon. 

The Private Citizen only wants to talk to the fascist he "flipped off," I guess under the assumption that this individual would be the most sympathetic, which is totally reasonable. Instead, it's cuffing time and we're already done here. Truly the one that laughs last, laughs best.

Time for more Britain. This time the thrall of the Evil Queen wants "details" and there are no prizes for guessing the response. We then discover that "an act is not a law" which is sheer brilliancy. Arrest is threatened and the man of courage demands a warrant. It's like this guy watched Perry Mason while high on PCP and now thinks he's a legal expert. With no warning whatsoever the window gets smashed. "Shit!"

These sovereign citizens are putting my kids through college! 

There's various mutterings in heavy prole accents that defy interpretation and another enemy of Big Brother gets arrested. I know, who could have predicted this?

Back to America, where a live-action version of Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel refuses to remove his battered NASCAR hat in a court room setting. "Many people consider it disrespectful NOT to wear a hat," explains his equally disheveled buddy, no doubt blowing the minds of "the squares." He then goes on to suggest that the cap-wearing might be religious in nature and who are you, punk, to claim one religion is better than another. Yeah, take that! This is a lot better than complying with a perfectly reasonable request.

Dale Junior is my religion.

Another polite entreaty is, of course, rejected. This is illegal force and a usurpation of my rights. We didn't fight the War Between the States to return home to this kind of treatment. "Treat others as you would want to be treated." Wow, far out. We're going to defeat the hat nazis with the power of LOVE, man. My ratty headgear stays on. I'm a human being full of value.

Time to get arrested. Our lid aficionado refuses to assist in his arrest, just like a scruffy, totally unlikable version of Gandhi.  This leads to a lot of goofy behavior, dutifully recorded on phones by scumbags with massive beer bellies. If you want to "accidentally" hit that button Mr. Putin, I totally understand.

...and I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free...

More references to the Golden Rule fall on the wooden ears of tyranny. I'd let you wear a cap, if the roles were reversed. I'm just saying. The passive resistance continues, ultimately culminating in a wheelchair for the greatest human being currently alive. "What do you plan on doing?" Gee, I wonder. The bony rear end is placed in the seat and additional sarcastic comments are made, because I treat others how I would like to be treated, except when it becomes even the tiniest of burdens. The dirtbag gets rolled off. Godspeed, my true friend, you were too beautiful for this world.

Can you believe we're almost done? Tune in next time for the shocking conclusion of Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned 2 COMPILATION.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.    

DotTeeVee: Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned 2 COMPILATION, Part V

I'm still hoping to get this scintillating inquiry into the most highly legitimate political movement in today's America (and Canada!) finished before the heat death, so we better get at it. Last time on Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned we met the man who briefly denied his beliefs before having a moment of glorious redemption and then getting promptly wrecked, we discussed the implications of confronting a canine fascist accuser and an attempt to actually pull a "nine-tenths of the law" swift one failed miserably. Let's dig in for some more!

We hit the ground running with out shirtless and tattooed "free man" fleeing law enforcement in his personal means of travel (it's not a car because it's not for commercial usage). We pan around the private property's interior, revealing a pile of undifferentiated garbage in the back seat and the rather twitchy demeanor of the Free Man of the Land. More wild camera work follows as a police chase that apparently wasn't sufficiently wild enough to make it on one of those "special interests" VHS rentals concludes.  We do get a nice shot of our hero's extremely impressive torso, so there's that. "Let me see your hands!" How can I trick-talk my way out of this one?

The hero we deserve.

"Who are you?" Yes, that's a quality rejoinder. Sirens, a gun, a badge, it really is an impenetrable mystery. Please explain yourself. We're quickly informed it's the "police," which I never would have guessed in a million attempts. This is followed by an attempt to claim that the scumbag Murrican answer to Ghandi is in "his own jurisdiction" and as such is immune to all laws. If that wasn't enough, he also didn't do anything. Is it wrong that I'm hoping "Mad Cop Disease" will kick in and this piece of work will get stomped?

Instead, a failed "broken wrist" gambit fails to prevent the cuffing and the scene abruptly ends, just as I was fully engaged in the action.

Next up is footage of a face-cam on a phone, like this is an episode of The Jetsons or something. Man, the miraculous future we live in. What amazing message is being transmitted over this science as magic, you ask? Something about "breaking the lock" after eviction, which is just crazy enough to succeed, I feel. Addition profanity and passive-aggressive threats toward the police follow, as if this scuzzy character is cutting a backyard wrestling promo in 1999 or something. Again, it just ends there, without any actual "ownage." I'm getting a little worried. Maybe the uploader thought no one would watch all the way through, but I'm nothing if not persistent in the most work-shy way possible.

Am I being detained?

How about some highly avant-garde footage of a floor and shoes? Meanwhile, the owner of said footwear claims to be a "non-resident alien" as if this would grant you special rights and freedom from legal obligations. I know, that's just crazy, who would ever get that kind of idea? It turns out its time to get a van. "I don't take orders from you!" We must never build a wall on our border, it's immoral and bad and you're a good person, right?

Apparently, our "dreamer" wants to take the cars of the police, to make up for the crimes committed involving his family. For whatever reason, this isn't happening. Come on, it's the right thing to do. This is not who we are. Next clip, please.

The latest Resistor claims he doesn't even have a name. Could this be an even more powerful version of the "I'm my own jurisdiction" end-around that failed so miserably earlier in today's clip? Time to argue with some desk officers. I bet this achieves a lot.

"I'm serving notice!" Then we go round and round with that game where both sides talk past each other and nothing gets accomplished, one of my favorite activities. "I do not consent to killing children!" "How can I help you?" that sort of thing.

After an unsupported claim of having strong sanity it's back to arguing who has authority and to what extent. It's like a John Stuart Mill book came alive, wow. The officer is still wondering what he can do about our hero renouncing his participation in absolutely everything. An effort is made to wrap this up. "I do not consent!" 

"The door's right there." Don't let it hit you. Another officer joins this experiment in individual value, demanding the Free Man go outside. Don't do it, that's where all the brutality happens! Sadly, the only other alternative is a "jail cell." Also, "don't do this in front of kids!" Won't somebody, etc.

Instead of meekly leaving, however, it's time to claim victory. "I'm the King!" They are then told "Don't come back," as the potato filming this nonsense completely breaks down into pixelated visual puke. 

We conclude with one of those Twenty Minutes investigative reporting deals you used to get from the fake news monopoly before they switched to the all Russia format we've had for the past year. An "expert" who is probably less qualified than I am after watching all these Youtube videos, explains that Sovereign Citizens believe our names are sold to foreign investors and somewhere in Bahrain or wherever someone is probably hoping to short-sell mine. 

Actually, China is the big purchaser, we're told. Huh. Well, I guess that makes sense. See you eight months from now with Part VI.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.   

DotTeeVee: Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned 2 COMPILATION, Part IV

Last time on Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned we met Wily Wonka's less successful but equally self-righteous younger brother, a hero of the common man swore impotently while getting cuffed, the Alabama T-1000 smashed a window and some crazy woman took over a house because possession is nine-tenths and all that. Now we're back after another long break (It's summer! There's warm weather, fun beach activities and I get to show off my arms in public!) and it just keeps getting better, I will assume based on no evidence whatsoever.

Either way, we hit the ground running with yet another Article Four Free Inhabitant running afoul of highway revenue collectors. Our new hero announces he's not turning off his "live stream," in a bizarre sing-song voice no less, all but giving us notarized proof of his membership in Generation Nothing. We're always "streaming" those misfortunes, we hold camera phones like protective amulets and generally use technology as a stand-in for old fashioned disassociative psychoses. He's also not going to obey the instructions of the jack boot squad, but you're a Sovereign Citizen and Free Man of the Land, so that was already implied. The more of a grueling and violent ordeal we can make this routine stop, the more we have stood up for our sacred freedom to drive like a lunatic or not bother with license plates, these being some of most basic rights given by nature and nature's God.

Soon to be the fifth face on Mount Rushmore.

The bespectacled traveler refuses a request to get out of the vehicle, claiming he "does not feel safe." It's pretty disappointing stuff, actually. This is the part where you're supposed to explain how your car isn't really a car and a treaty from 1745 gives you the right to run stop signs. Despite this breach of Free Man decorum the unseen officer promises a trip to the green bar motel if compliance isn't obtained. Forget you, man, it's totally worth it to spent time in the jug if it means I don't have to voluntarily open a car door. Or, "For resisting WHAT!?!" if you prefer.

But it's a lawful order! More like an awful order, right? Whoa man, far out. Is that freedom rock you're playing, by the way?

Sadly, the door is opened after some more threats and the best the defeated livestreamer can manage is timidly asking if the fascists would stop yelling. Now they broke you, man. Next thing you'll be talking about how much you love Big Brother. Anyway, here's your ticket, time to sign it like the meaningless corporate bar code you've become. "Why are you being so aggressive?" Well, I got the idea from a cheer I heard at a high school football game.

Bubble gum, bubble gum, pop pop pop, we think your Orwellian police state is a flop. Important note: pom poms may be required for this cheer, consult with your coach.

We don't get an answer to why the aggression is occurring. Instead, there's stereo demands to sign the ticket from both unseen stasi. More back and forth, plus there's some debate over a flashlight and the decision is finally made not to sign this contract with the devil after all. Yes! Down with the beast system! The fact that you briefly doubted yourself makes you more a hero, not less of one. Then the strong-arming and thuggery kicks off. "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Tonight on "Arresting Joey Lawrence."

"Stop resisting!" Fade to black. 

Without even pausing to reflect on the amazing morality play we just witnessed it's time for another confrontation with the so-called legitimate authorities. My professor told me to question everything and I accepted that uncritically. In this confrontation our identity figure is already under arrest, so we can skip the "Am I being detained?" foreplay and get to the good stuff (glass breaking, tasers, pitiful wailing, etc). A police dog (two legs bad, four legs even worse) apparently detected contraband in the means of travel and the Free Man now asks to confront the dog. I'm not even joking. For real, this happens. Who is a furry tool of tyranny? You are, boy! Yes, you are!

 No pasaran, dog! Bad dog!

The discussion turns to the planned removal of the man who did nothing wrong from his conveyance, countered with more blanket denials of any wrong-doing. It's now time for what we all came for: the destruction of automotive windows. Sometimes I think the whole Sovereign Citizen movement was a psy-op created by Auto Glass Specialists to drive business their way. "Close your eyes!" Yup, here it comes baby. You ready for it? Uhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Our humble narrator adds an annotation stating he didn't see anything else because his eyes were closed. Will peek-a-boo prevent this ridiculous usurpation? We're about to find out. Using what looks like one of those little hammers a doctor employs to test your knee response, the faceless representative of totalitarian nightmares smashes the glass and then immediately deploys the taser! This is the Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned equivalent of the double jackpot. The blind guardian of freedom starts howling and I think I need a cigarette. 

Hey, it's a quick update on the crazy lady who took over a house from last time! The fake news anchor informs us she's learning "how much time she'll spend behind bars" so I guess that whole "move into a house that's for sale and start living in it" master plan might have had some weaknesses. Still, our undocumented homeowner is claiming to be "Moorish-American" and that "laws don't apply to her" so I'm sure the judge will ignore the most basic first principles of property ownership that our entire civilization was built upon because she said the magic words. 

For now, we're left in suspense.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.  

DotTeeVee: Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned 2 COMPILATION, Part III

I know, I promised this over a month ago and then failed miserably on the old follow-through. In my defense I didn't realize how difficult it would be to slog through nearly an hour worth of freedom getting wrecked by the worst imaginable tyrannies. I started to feel like I was being detained myself, but then I remembered I was free to go. Fortunately for the sports gambling and stock market bots that frequent this blog I've decided to voluntarily restore joinder with this amazing and critically acclaimed inquisition into the Sovereign Citizen movement, so let's dive right back in. Last time we learned that our birth certificates are bought and sold on the Chinese Dry Goods Exchange, we met an "activist" who failed to defuse a police encounter by offering Pepsi and nearly paid the ultimate price and we discovered that there is such a thing as "too cute" in a dog. Today, we've got even more life lessons, or at least that would be a sensible presumption.

We get off to a hot start by meeting a man who resembles Willy Wonka's far less successful younger brother. Something tells me that we're going to end this segment with a "You lose, good day sir!" Just a wild guess. Anyway, the Wilder Lite is in the middle of a call to some agent of the Beast System. It might be a badge fascist, since he's already getting read his rights from whoever is on the other end of the line. Not the best start to my efforts to buy back my birth certificate from East Asia. "Anything I say can be used against me in a court of law?" outrages the Free Man and this is quickly confirmed.

Slugworth stole my recipe for balloon candy? What?

When asked to clarify his understanding of the situation the resistor declares that his rights emanate from God and not something a police officer reads off a tiny card. This is the hero we don't deserve. "I'm in charge!" he insists, which is right up there with "You can't arrest me" and "I was told I'm special and unique" when it comes to impotent bravado. To punctuate this limp stand against evil he rises out of the chair, giving us a nice close-up of the frontal "area" before walking away from the camera. Low production values and poor blocking in a homemade Sovereign Citizen recording? It's more likely than you might expect.

A blanket denial of understanding the plain English that was read off a laminated piece of paper follows, while baby and dog noises from off-camera add to the surreal atmosphere. A question about an "attorney" earns an outraged "What???" Ignorance of that obscure and rarely seen profession is certainly understandable. Suffice it to say, there is no legal representation for the Man They Can't Break. Without any resolution, it's over. This entire segment seemed more like some sort of lazy student film. It's called "Free Wonka," dudemar. It's, like, a commentary on the shackles that bind us to this dying society or whatever. Real hype stuff, I still have to put in some music and fix all the mistakes like that extreme crotch shot in editing.

Back to cuffing one of the losers from last week month while flashing lights threaten to trigger epilepsy. "Where's the blood coming from?" My best guess, and this is just a guess, would be "cuts in your flesh." While the speculation continues the man who refuses to be a barcode for a soulless nightmare state yells semi-coherently about "mob mentality" which would make a little more sense if he was being lynched instead of arrested by duly appointed officers. I mean, it's really a good point, never mind that. Mobs, man. That diffusion of responsibility doe.

Am I under arrest? Am I free to leave?

Time to discuss our rights, namely the right to be an "asshole" after tackling. This was originally going to be the Third Amendment before we got that weird bit about quartering soldiers in our homes. Additional potty mouth follows. "I'll stop when I'm done!" Whoa, totally far-out and with it, man. Take that, establishment. He apparently is done, because we cut away.

Next up is more footage I've already examined in loving detail. The short version is a southern-fried version of the T-1000 breaks a car's window barehanded in pursuit of humanity's last, best hope. Which turns out to be some goof who was "traveling" and refuses to give the papiern. Then he gets zapped with a tazer. Seriously, if you love the genre of Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned, and you shouldn't be reading this if you don't, this one is top shelf. 

Back to our telephone calling, attorney ignoring, suit wearing, wonka-looking son-of-a-gun. He's back out of the chair, leaving more "fix it in post" work for the aspiring filmmaker. Now the stranger on the other end is asking for a "Last Name," probably so he can sell it on the gray market. While this happens we get more waist-down shots. Seriously, I don't really need this in my life.

We leave our daylight caller, again without any resolution, for a news report from the Mainstream Media! Here comes the rigorous honesty, impartial balance and sincere desire to educate and improve the populace, in other words. The fake news du jour focuses on a Sovereign Citizen squatting in a 3 million dollar mansion. The police politely asked this person to leave, but no compliance followed and it's not like we have a legal monopoly on coercive force or anything so here we are. Ordinary slave citizens express bemusement, but what you're looking at is called "freedom," sheeple. It turns out that a woman "took over" the abandoned home. I know, what is even going on here?

  

Believe it or not, she has a so-called "criminal record" for trying to run over Brown Shirts in a traffic stop. And that's all for this highly polished and compelling tale from the local news. Will we use the rule of law to evict this decent and highly sane individual, or will "I do not consent to being arrested!" work for the first time ever? I don't know, it just ends abruptly.

More to come, hopefully in a more timely fashion!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.  

DotTeeVee: Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned 2 COMPILATION, Part II

Previously on Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned we met a nervous weedhead, a man who honestly thought public freakouts were protected under The Unwritten Laws and a guy who looked like what the Chucky doll from "Child's Play" would become if he was somehow made fully human and aged into a socially maladroit forty-something. Now we're back and it's time again to create joinder with these amazing patriots fighting for our sacred rights. Rights like not having license plates, speeding, screaming at other people for no reason, you know, all that Tommy Jefferson stuff.

Instead of the customary traffic stop we start with a face-cam of a free woman of the land talking directly to us. Sanity and coherent reasoning are going to be in very short supply during this monologue. She discusses "breaking even" on "strawman bills" and I'm not even sure how to keep ridiculing this drivel. This footage is what would happen if you took PCP and then watched one of those Sunday morning political snooze-fests. "Are we talking about rezoning or redistricting?" asked the balding middle-age suit as he steps out of the television and transforms into a dozen rainbow colored birds of paradise dripping blood from their wings as they fly around the room in formation. Come on, we've all been there.

The exciting discussion of "bills" continues. I guess the idea here, and this is almost pure conjecture, is that what you pay to the state should only be just enough to keep the services running and no civil servant should be allowed to have a comfortable lifestyle as a result of this taxation. This thesis largely falls apart when she gives examples like "A bastard lost at sea." I honestly have no idea. Helpfully, some Twilight Zone music is inserted over this deranged misunderstanding of the First Principles of government.

We're then told that birth certificates are used as "collateral" following the "Bankruptcy of 1933." I'm not sure how that would work for people born after that forgotten historical tragedy, but on the other hand I have a reasonable grasp on what we call "reality." The good news is you call file some bureaucratic paperwork to get your "living soul" back, so take that FDR. Make sure your name is in all capital letters, though, because otherwise it won't work and the devil will get you.

There was no actual "ownage" in this segment, but wow, I really feel "woke" after all of that.

The government took my soul, but I got it back by writing my name in big letters on some form.

Incredibly, the next resistor has already been covered in glorious detail about a year ago. Are we running out of strategic "Am I being detained" reserves? Please say it isn't so. Anyway, it's our friend from "Cun-adda" who ran afoul of the Canadian version of Dirty Harry and failed to defeat maple leaf tyranny. The only difference is this version added some little animations, including "Thug Life" and the 420 sniper rifle. Whether this is an improvement on the original footage is a matter for the philosophers to examine, we're moving on.

Next up we get an awkward rotated shot of lights flashing hypnotically in the darkness while our unseen freeman insists that his arrest is actually "corporate policy." "Yeah...gonna need you to come to the jail on Saturday this week." He calls the officer "good sir" and questions the need for the lights, since there is no emergency.  The camera keeps jerking around and it might be time to use that airsickness bag, good sir. Forsooth, thou art a knave and scoundrel badge heretic, with no cause for thine cherries and blueberries.

The argument continues. "We are activists!" Give the cop a Pepsi, I'm told that calms 'em right down. "I do this all the time!" Truly you are a national treasure, good sir. Now it's time to walk away because "I control the situation!" Can you hazard a guess how this will end?

You're right, it's time to kiss pavement, while insisting that "I'm not under arrest." My eyes are closed, how can you see me? Pathetic and entertaining whining follows as Democracy Dies in the Darkness. There's some profanity (So edgy! My square button-down mind just got BLOWN) and the cuffs are applied. "You ever hear of commercial lean?" Well, have you, punk? More cussing and acting out follows. This is the hero of our time.

He actually has the stones to say "Ignorance of the law is no excuse!" While on his stomach and cuffed. Then it abruptly ends, without ever finding out the fate of the potty mouth who stood up.

You have no right to set up this jar, it violates the Paris accords of 1784.

Now it's time for a young lady who is also being detained by fascists. We're told a "dog unit" is on the way. Just like you, all obedient to like, tyranny, man. We discuss the reasons for this unlawful usurpation and it remains unclear what, exactly, is going on. Our free lady of the land does threaten to call 911, earning a laugh from the officer. I'm being harassed by the police, time to call the police. There are logical problems.

More attempts to get at the heart of the motives for this illegal and immoral detention are derailed by references to the cuteness of a dog. It turns out our subject was "nervous" which is now an arrest-able offense, it would seem. Obviously the missing scene between the awkward initial interaction and the current situation must have involved the usual sovereign citizen escalation of something that would immediately end if you demonstrated some very basic cooperation with fair authority, I mean pitiful consent to the machinery threatening to devour our souls.

Am I being detained?

Our heroine decides to initiate a twenty minute time limit, but is immediately vetoed by the jackboot patrol. The tool of a corrupt and evil system even threatens to "spike your tires" which I'm guessing doesn't mean trying to somehow pour booze into them. Oddly, the car is what is actually being held and she's free to walk away. I'm not sure how this works. Can we just park it in a cell for a few weeks, since it's what you're angry at?

Now to debate where one is allowed to stand. "Your little thing is over there!" I don't want to know. This earns hostility, but lawsuits are threatened in return. All because my dog was cute and I'm naturally twitchy. Now for the assault, complete with lots of hysterical screaming, some of which calls to mind Goofy cartoons. This is how freedom dies. "What the [fudge] is wrong with you! Are you retarded?" That's ableist. Now I don't know who to side with in this narrative.

The victim of the monopoly on violence keeps persisting with more screaming. "Get it out of me!" That's what she said! Well, it is. More arguing over who was in the way and a suggestion that she might be in trouble for assaulting a federal officer. If you want to be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty dog your pet. Also, she got tased. That's what was in her, electrodes. Not penis. I'm glad we've settled that. Part Three next week, friends.

Komment Korner  

They should call in P BARNES for all these taz them and they likely live in their mom and step dads basement anyway bahaha    

lol she sounded like Goofy falling off a cliff  

good sir, these people are idiots.......good sir

LOL that woman with the teaser get it out of me in that arnold schwarzenegger

"Ignorance of the law is no excuse". I have a sneaking feeling he's going to be hearing those exact words from a judge.

I thought these dumbasses were exclusively American

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.   

DotTeeVee: Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned 2 COMPILATION

I used to have a difficult time relating to the pathetic, broken losers who camp out waiting for a sequel to be released, wasting the precious gift of life anticipating an escapist fantasy that is sure to be a disappointment because of its inherent limitations. I guess I still do, but on the other hand I'm mad hype for the long-awaited second edition of sovereign citizens trying their "this is not the car without plates you're looking for" mind tricks only to suffer the ignominy of being "owned." With another forty-plus minutes to get through it looks like this will be my new Saturday night thing.

Unlike most Part Twos we don't waste any time catching the viewer back up or explaining the premise for newcomers. Instead we're already deep in the conflict between Free Men of the Land and the 1984 nightmare state as an unseen fascist politely asks for ihnen papiern, bitte. Of course, it can't be that easy, otherwise we might not get wrecked. Our full-faced hero of the pound-sign resistance explains that he's "the human being that owns the entity." Could this be the new word magic? Just call your car an "entity" like in one of those PG-13 horror films about hauntings and you should be off the hook. It's not like you're going to get your window broken or zapped with a taser or bracelets behind the back, that's for sure.

For all your traveling needs.

We get a request for insurance and, incredibly, compliance follows. Shouldn't you be citing the Articles of the Confederation at this point? Come on, man. He even shows his license to the friendly face of totalitarian evil! Just as I'm about to lose all hope (We are the dead, etc.) the officer notes that he's "never seen a license like this before?" Excuse me officer, but this License to Oogle is pretty standard issue and thoroughly legitimate. I also have a "Female Body Inspector" card if you need to see that.

We skip ahead, mercifully, to our anti-hero explaining that his narcotics are legitimate prescription Colorado Cools, and as such perfectly legal. Still he's "under arrest for marijuana." Meanwhile the goon squad slips on a black glove, no doubt in preparation for massive Constitutional violations. What about, like, my right to get nice and evenly baked? Is that even factoring into the decision process here?

 I'm gonna need you to smell the glove.

Our identification figure continues to argue his "lawful right" to get blown, but it's clear this is a losing battle, what with the lack of case law from the eighteenth century being cited. No wonder they call it dope. The door is opened and the full-figured champion of the sacred freedoms of this land insists he isn't being arrested, despite considerable evidence to the contrary. The owning finally occurs as our hemp smoking friend is shoved into the side of the car with a satisfying "Ow!" Then it's back to insisting his Satan Weed is actually "medicinal" before being driven to the ground. 

"I'm not resisting!" is said repeatedly while the Chong this generation deserves flops like a freshly landed halibut on the pavement. The cuffs are put on while he continues to rant ineffectually about his right to get lit. Another weedhead defeated, good work officer.

We jump to the next vignette, where our unseen narrator records a police car pulling up with obscene resignation. Heavy breathing follows. Seriously, we get a lengthy piece of video that is nothing but painful sounding huffing and puffing while the police state leisurely gets into position. Apparently the free citizen's own erratic behavior (walking into traffic, screaming, etc) provoked the arrival of the goon squad, a likely story. This is tyranny. Despite "not consenting to contact" the no-nonsense cop, I mean criminal with a badge, demands a "favor." I wonder how this will play out?

 I bet this guy wants to hear all about admiralty law.

"Step away from the bag!" Meanwhile more officers are arriving. You wanted attention, now you have it. No one wants to discuss probable cause, and our cameraman is instead told to sit down. No way, beast system. I have a right to scream menacing nonsense at random passerby. Some barely legible red text on the screen provides a massive spoiler for what is about to happen (Assault!) and sure enough after trying to leave it's time to roll on the ground with help from the oppression squad. Sadly the camera got turned off by the officers during the struggle (how convenient!) and you'll just have to imagine the worst, I guess.

New scene, a Ford Truck from the distant past, before the average cab height was about ten feet in the air, disgorges a scruffy sovereign citizen. He's told to "stand at the front of the car" but comes back with an impressive "Why?" Checkmate, dictatorship.

Another rejected Travis Bickle audition. 

Ford Truck Driver is told to "have a seat" on the car. What is it with gestapo wanting us to sit down, man? It's bad for the circulation, unlike my "medicine." The last free man complies, showing off his impressive mane of lightly washed hair and general slovenly appearance. Apparently this handsome rake was involved in a "hit and run" according to witnesses. How can I use my incorrect reading of the Mayflower Compact to get me out of this one? If your answer was speaking semi-coherently about who exactly made the allegations than congratulations, you share a mind with free man adult Chucky doll here.

We discuss the lack of communication and even call for a "rewind" while making the appropriate circular hand gestures. Then the disheveled traveler reaches in his pockets, prompting a stern rebuke. Now it's time to put those same hands on the hood, but the champion of the right to crash into someone and drive off actually has the stones to say "Shoot Me!" Yeah, if only.

He finally assumes the position, dropping some unseen item (A miniature Constitution? My legal joints? A non-legitimate license?) in the process. An attempt to open a forum on the meaning of "probable cause" is swatted aside (A witness statement might, just might, qualify). "Are you listening?" Next thing we know, this Brad Pitt look-a-like is getting manhandled by uniformed thugs while continuing to mutter inanities during the cuffing.

Are you even listening, dude?

Another car pulls up, complete with point-of-view action driving. The production values, they keep getting better and better. The third officer rushes up with a taser. "Tase me!" is offered as one last act of defiance, but we're a little less reluctant to deploy the zapper as opposed to the hand cannon. First some painful electricity, than an awkward fall to the ground that looked really painful for the Free Man. Another police car pulls up. The scene ends with no less than four puppets of a criminal state working to subdue this goof. This is my special day where I got to be the Big Boy, I'll always cherish it. 

I'm only eight minutes in. According to my pocket calculator that means we might do five of these. The "Holiday Season" has come early.

Komment Korner  

For me busting the window is like busting a load

I got a dui once because I had a prescription that was a day expired.

 
As a cop, as soon as someone starts giving you a bunch of legal terms, you know you might have to tase an idiot today

the second guy looks like a human form of Chucky.

sees the time "Oh I should probably go to bed" sees a 42 minute video of sovereign idiots "NAH"

love watching these idiots getting there ass beat

Jesus christ, what HAPPENED to the guy @4:00? He looks like a goddamn manikin and his lips aren't moving. He's gotta be either high or drunk off his ass.

I THREW IT ON THE GROUND!!! I'm not a part of your system!!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.     

DotTeeVee: How To Fail At A Traffic Stop - Sovereign Citizen Edition

If I have a failing, and I want to really stress that if, it's being hopelessly addicted to sovereign citizen videos (and also alcohol, but let's focus here). There's something so disarmingly charming about fellow non-corporate individual settlers who honestly feel that the rule of law can be undone simply by reciting the proper words of divine power. You know, like in the movie "Warlock." If we can just convince the ruling tyranny that the Articles of Confederation are somehow still in effect every personal idiocy will be covered by our incorrect interpretation of 18th century admiralty law. Then stupid old reality ruins it, of course, but like any great work of literature the quality lies in the telling, not gimmicky plot twists.

Today's topic, for example, manages to follow the traditionally established structure (detained by police, recite arcane elements of a treaty from 1687, argue a bit, get arrested and "owned") while adding exciting new details into the mix. For example, our Free Man hero introduces himself in a soft, somewhat patronizing voice as "Pastor Earnest" proudly representing "Yahweh's Flat Earth Dot Com." Yes, this is no mere weedhead or lead foot, this is a Holy Fool who will confront the evils of our system while also advocating for ideas so obviously wrong that even a website probably can't redeem them.

  Apostrophes are also the work of the devil and should be rejected.

The mad monk slowly circles his vehicle while discussing his latest legal troubles. Specifically, this sixties leftover was given a citation for covering the windows of his sensible Kia minivan with web addresses and semi-coherent ramblings about something we've known to be incorrect for about 2200 years. Our gray long-haired globe-denier explains that he's in trouble for "constitutional speech" which I guess sounds more noble than not understanding the function windows perform on a motor vehicle and living in staggering ignorance of the most basic facts about our pale blue dot.

On the other hand he also tells us "this is not a motor vehicle" but rather something that he "travels in," which is one of those weird verbal tricks that will certainly defeat the brutish government thugs that won't let you spray paint inane b.s. on the windows of what you travel in, just like how the bottom of a ship disappearing first as it sails toward the horizon is a trick of the ether that Yahweh allows to occur to test our faith in pancake planet.

Land of the hurrying sun, confirmed by ancient poetry.

All of this is summed up as "Preaching the Gospel, as you can clearly see." It could not be more obvious. The best way to convert someone to your worldview is to lead with rank superstition and idiocy, everyone knows that. Once we get you aboard the "You'll fall off the edge, Columbus!" train the rest will neatly fall into place.

Now it's time to "look inside" and observe that the sight lines are not completely impaired by the garish white lettering, thus proving the injustice. We're given a quick warning about those jackboots in Massachusetts and it's finally time for some "I do not consent!" roadside entertainment.

We open strong with the always wining State's Rights gambit, where as an out-of-state traveling individual that does not wish to create joinder I don't need a license plate or anything. The officer waves this and the predictable request to see a supervisor aside and demands ihnen papieren, bitte. A lame appeal to the Supreme Court is made, which seems very out of character for a movement that likes to pretend the last 170 years or so never happened. Still, we get a useful Pro Tip for our own futile stands against the nightmare state.

This is the correct spelling, your pastor is a liar.

The brief debate over "treveling" that follows accomplishes exactly nothing in advancing this interaction, but it's still the key to this amazing trick bag, trust me.  Our hero than incorrectly sites some case law, specifically Murdock v. Pennsylvania, a 1943 Supreme Court decision that declared it unconstitutional for solicitors to have to purchase a special license. I'm not really sure how this is relevant. Maybe he should have claimed to be "soliciting" in his "soliciting wagon" instead of "treveling." The magic words only work when they're used properly, after all.

Our hero holds up a piece of paper like an amulet and insists his wild misinterpretation of how rights and privileges interact is in fact correct, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Hey, just like Flat Earth! Well, he's consistent if nothing else. He then claims to have been "harassed by the Mossad." I'm starting to consider the possibility this guy doesn't have both oars in the water.

This is definitely not a metaphor.

Things take a turn for the hot and steamy as Pastor Earnest asks the officer to "show me yours." Sadly, he's talking about identification. Still, some passive-aggressive dominance role-playing results as Officer Brutal demands "hands on the wheel" while the Man of God insists that he be allowed to sift through various sheets of paper. We know he's not going to comply, because of Freedom and the call to defend the most comical and incorrect beliefs, so even a threat that "It won't end well" is not going to move this mighty mountain.

Another officer arrives, but sadly it isn't the supervisor the man who once battled Israeli secret police has been requesting. Also, more red text informs us that several more imaginary usurpations have taken place, despite not being in evidence in the moving pictures my lying eyes are struggling to process.

No, really.

A lot of what is almost certainly worthless babbling is mercifully edited out by a quick cut, but the debate rages on. He asks the police for a "business card," which I guess would be used when selling your police services to interested clients (no license required for that, thank you 1943 Supreme Court!) but gets shut down by the fascists. He's told he's going to be arrested and the original policeman says, in a Bane voice no less, "This isn't going well for you."

Or should it be "This isn't going well...for you!"

The officers have clearly lost all patience with this goof, I mean heroic defender of our rights, and after a jump cut the female officers politely informs him that his ideas about how this should go are, in fact, "false." Apparently some I.D. does get shown. I know, wow, what a payoff, but the video abruptly ends without any true resolution.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUWtUtfqg0c

Komment Korner  

"This is not a motor vehicle" So what's the thing under the hood that makes it go vroom? 

Cognitive errors and egocentric philosophies.

Ok. I didn't get the sarcasm at the time.

 I have an idea. You're blocked from my page for advertising a website used for criminal activity.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.