Saturday, May 7, 2016

DotTeeVee: How To Fail At A Traffic Stop - Sovereign Citizen Edition

If I have a failing, and I want to really stress that if, it's being hopelessly addicted to sovereign citizen videos (and also alcohol, but let's focus here). There's something so disarmingly charming about fellow non-corporate individual settlers who honestly feel that the rule of law can be undone simply by reciting the proper words of divine power. You know, like in the movie "Warlock." If we can just convince the ruling tyranny that the Articles of Confederation are somehow still in effect every personal idiocy will be covered by our incorrect interpretation of 18th century admiralty law. Then stupid old reality ruins it, of course, but like any great work of literature the quality lies in the telling, not gimmicky plot twists.

Today's topic, for example, manages to follow the traditionally established structure (detained by police, recite arcane elements of a treaty from 1687, argue a bit, get arrested and "owned") while adding exciting new details into the mix. For example, our Free Man hero introduces himself in a soft, somewhat patronizing voice as "Pastor Earnest" proudly representing "Yahweh's Flat Earth Dot Com." Yes, this is no mere weedhead or lead foot, this is a Holy Fool who will confront the evils of our system while also advocating for ideas so obviously wrong that even a website probably can't redeem them.

  Apostrophes are also the work of the devil and should be rejected.

The mad monk slowly circles his vehicle while discussing his latest legal troubles. Specifically, this sixties leftover was given a citation for covering the windows of his sensible Kia minivan with web addresses and semi-coherent ramblings about something we've known to be incorrect for about 2200 years. Our gray long-haired globe-denier explains that he's in trouble for "constitutional speech" which I guess sounds more noble than not understanding the function windows perform on a motor vehicle and living in staggering ignorance of the most basic facts about our pale blue dot.

On the other hand he also tells us "this is not a motor vehicle" but rather something that he "travels in," which is one of those weird verbal tricks that will certainly defeat the brutish government thugs that won't let you spray paint inane b.s. on the windows of what you travel in, just like how the bottom of a ship disappearing first as it sails toward the horizon is a trick of the ether that Yahweh allows to occur to test our faith in pancake planet.

Land of the hurrying sun, confirmed by ancient poetry.

All of this is summed up as "Preaching the Gospel, as you can clearly see." It could not be more obvious. The best way to convert someone to your worldview is to lead with rank superstition and idiocy, everyone knows that. Once we get you aboard the "You'll fall off the edge, Columbus!" train the rest will neatly fall into place.

Now it's time to "look inside" and observe that the sight lines are not completely impaired by the garish white lettering, thus proving the injustice. We're given a quick warning about those jackboots in Massachusetts and it's finally time for some "I do not consent!" roadside entertainment.

We open strong with the always wining State's Rights gambit, where as an out-of-state traveling individual that does not wish to create joinder I don't need a license plate or anything. The officer waves this and the predictable request to see a supervisor aside and demands ihnen papieren, bitte. A lame appeal to the Supreme Court is made, which seems very out of character for a movement that likes to pretend the last 170 years or so never happened. Still, we get a useful Pro Tip for our own futile stands against the nightmare state.

This is the correct spelling, your pastor is a liar.

The brief debate over "treveling" that follows accomplishes exactly nothing in advancing this interaction, but it's still the key to this amazing trick bag, trust me.  Our hero than incorrectly sites some case law, specifically Murdock v. Pennsylvania, a 1943 Supreme Court decision that declared it unconstitutional for solicitors to have to purchase a special license. I'm not really sure how this is relevant. Maybe he should have claimed to be "soliciting" in his "soliciting wagon" instead of "treveling." The magic words only work when they're used properly, after all.

Our hero holds up a piece of paper like an amulet and insists his wild misinterpretation of how rights and privileges interact is in fact correct, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Hey, just like Flat Earth! Well, he's consistent if nothing else. He then claims to have been "harassed by the Mossad." I'm starting to consider the possibility this guy doesn't have both oars in the water.

This is definitely not a metaphor.

Things take a turn for the hot and steamy as Pastor Earnest asks the officer to "show me yours." Sadly, he's talking about identification. Still, some passive-aggressive dominance role-playing results as Officer Brutal demands "hands on the wheel" while the Man of God insists that he be allowed to sift through various sheets of paper. We know he's not going to comply, because of Freedom and the call to defend the most comical and incorrect beliefs, so even a threat that "It won't end well" is not going to move this mighty mountain.

Another officer arrives, but sadly it isn't the supervisor the man who once battled Israeli secret police has been requesting. Also, more red text informs us that several more imaginary usurpations have taken place, despite not being in evidence in the moving pictures my lying eyes are struggling to process.

No, really.

A lot of what is almost certainly worthless babbling is mercifully edited out by a quick cut, but the debate rages on. He asks the police for a "business card," which I guess would be used when selling your police services to interested clients (no license required for that, thank you 1943 Supreme Court!) but gets shut down by the fascists. He's told he's going to be arrested and the original policeman says, in a Bane voice no less, "This isn't going well for you."

Or should it be "This isn't going well...for you!"

The officers have clearly lost all patience with this goof, I mean heroic defender of our rights, and after a jump cut the female officers politely informs him that his ideas about how this should go are, in fact, "false." Apparently some I.D. does get shown. I know, wow, what a payoff, but the video abruptly ends without any true resolution.

Komment Korner  

"This is not a motor vehicle" So what's the thing under the hood that makes it go vroom? 

Cognitive errors and egocentric philosophies.

Ok. I didn't get the sarcasm at the time.

 I have an idea. You're blocked from my page for advertising a website used for criminal activity.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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