DotTeeVee: Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned 2 COMPILATION, Part IV

Last time on Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned we met Wily Wonka's less successful but equally self-righteous younger brother, a hero of the common man swore impotently while getting cuffed, the Alabama T-1000 smashed a window and some crazy woman took over a house because possession is nine-tenths and all that. Now we're back after another long break (It's summer! There's warm weather, fun beach activities and I get to show off my arms in public!) and it just keeps getting better, I will assume based on no evidence whatsoever.

Either way, we hit the ground running with yet another Article Four Free Inhabitant running afoul of highway revenue collectors. Our new hero announces he's not turning off his "live stream," in a bizarre sing-song voice no less, all but giving us notarized proof of his membership in Generation Nothing. We're always "streaming" those misfortunes, we hold camera phones like protective amulets and generally use technology as a stand-in for old fashioned disassociative psychoses. He's also not going to obey the instructions of the jack boot squad, but you're a Sovereign Citizen and Free Man of the Land, so that was already implied. The more of a grueling and violent ordeal we can make this routine stop, the more we have stood up for our sacred freedom to drive like a lunatic or not bother with license plates, these being some of most basic rights given by nature and nature's God.

Soon to be the fifth face on Mount Rushmore.

The bespectacled traveler refuses a request to get out of the vehicle, claiming he "does not feel safe." It's pretty disappointing stuff, actually. This is the part where you're supposed to explain how your car isn't really a car and a treaty from 1745 gives you the right to run stop signs. Despite this breach of Free Man decorum the unseen officer promises a trip to the green bar motel if compliance isn't obtained. Forget you, man, it's totally worth it to spent time in the jug if it means I don't have to voluntarily open a car door. Or, "For resisting WHAT!?!" if you prefer.

But it's a lawful order! More like an awful order, right? Whoa man, far out. Is that freedom rock you're playing, by the way?

Sadly, the door is opened after some more threats and the best the defeated livestreamer can manage is timidly asking if the fascists would stop yelling. Now they broke you, man. Next thing you'll be talking about how much you love Big Brother. Anyway, here's your ticket, time to sign it like the meaningless corporate bar code you've become. "Why are you being so aggressive?" Well, I got the idea from a cheer I heard at a high school football game.

Bubble gum, bubble gum, pop pop pop, we think your Orwellian police state is a flop. Important note: pom poms may be required for this cheer, consult with your coach.

We don't get an answer to why the aggression is occurring. Instead, there's stereo demands to sign the ticket from both unseen stasi. More back and forth, plus there's some debate over a flashlight and the decision is finally made not to sign this contract with the devil after all. Yes! Down with the beast system! The fact that you briefly doubted yourself makes you more a hero, not less of one. Then the strong-arming and thuggery kicks off. "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Tonight on "Arresting Joey Lawrence."

"Stop resisting!" Fade to black. 

Without even pausing to reflect on the amazing morality play we just witnessed it's time for another confrontation with the so-called legitimate authorities. My professor told me to question everything and I accepted that uncritically. In this confrontation our identity figure is already under arrest, so we can skip the "Am I being detained?" foreplay and get to the good stuff (glass breaking, tasers, pitiful wailing, etc). A police dog (two legs bad, four legs even worse) apparently detected contraband in the means of travel and the Free Man now asks to confront the dog. I'm not even joking. For real, this happens. Who is a furry tool of tyranny? You are, boy! Yes, you are!

 No pasaran, dog! Bad dog!

The discussion turns to the planned removal of the man who did nothing wrong from his conveyance, countered with more blanket denials of any wrong-doing. It's now time for what we all came for: the destruction of automotive windows. Sometimes I think the whole Sovereign Citizen movement was a psy-op created by Auto Glass Specialists to drive business their way. "Close your eyes!" Yup, here it comes baby. You ready for it? Uhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Our humble narrator adds an annotation stating he didn't see anything else because his eyes were closed. Will peek-a-boo prevent this ridiculous usurpation? We're about to find out. Using what looks like one of those little hammers a doctor employs to test your knee response, the faceless representative of totalitarian nightmares smashes the glass and then immediately deploys the taser! This is the Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned equivalent of the double jackpot. The blind guardian of freedom starts howling and I think I need a cigarette. 

Hey, it's a quick update on the crazy lady who took over a house from last time! The fake news anchor informs us she's learning "how much time she'll spend behind bars" so I guess that whole "move into a house that's for sale and start living in it" master plan might have had some weaknesses. Still, our undocumented homeowner is claiming to be "Moorish-American" and that "laws don't apply to her" so I'm sure the judge will ignore the most basic first principles of property ownership that our entire civilization was built upon because she said the magic words. 

For now, we're left in suspense.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.  

DotTeeVee: How To Fail At A Traffic Stop - Sovereign Citizen Edition

If I have a failing, and I want to really stress that if, it's being hopelessly addicted to sovereign citizen videos (and also alcohol, but let's focus here). There's something so disarmingly charming about fellow non-corporate individual settlers who honestly feel that the rule of law can be undone simply by reciting the proper words of divine power. You know, like in the movie "Warlock." If we can just convince the ruling tyranny that the Articles of Confederation are somehow still in effect every personal idiocy will be covered by our incorrect interpretation of 18th century admiralty law. Then stupid old reality ruins it, of course, but like any great work of literature the quality lies in the telling, not gimmicky plot twists.

Today's topic, for example, manages to follow the traditionally established structure (detained by police, recite arcane elements of a treaty from 1687, argue a bit, get arrested and "owned") while adding exciting new details into the mix. For example, our Free Man hero introduces himself in a soft, somewhat patronizing voice as "Pastor Earnest" proudly representing "Yahweh's Flat Earth Dot Com." Yes, this is no mere weedhead or lead foot, this is a Holy Fool who will confront the evils of our system while also advocating for ideas so obviously wrong that even a website probably can't redeem them.

  Apostrophes are also the work of the devil and should be rejected.

The mad monk slowly circles his vehicle while discussing his latest legal troubles. Specifically, this sixties leftover was given a citation for covering the windows of his sensible Kia minivan with web addresses and semi-coherent ramblings about something we've known to be incorrect for about 2200 years. Our gray long-haired globe-denier explains that he's in trouble for "constitutional speech" which I guess sounds more noble than not understanding the function windows perform on a motor vehicle and living in staggering ignorance of the most basic facts about our pale blue dot.

On the other hand he also tells us "this is not a motor vehicle" but rather something that he "travels in," which is one of those weird verbal tricks that will certainly defeat the brutish government thugs that won't let you spray paint inane b.s. on the windows of what you travel in, just like how the bottom of a ship disappearing first as it sails toward the horizon is a trick of the ether that Yahweh allows to occur to test our faith in pancake planet.

Land of the hurrying sun, confirmed by ancient poetry.

All of this is summed up as "Preaching the Gospel, as you can clearly see." It could not be more obvious. The best way to convert someone to your worldview is to lead with rank superstition and idiocy, everyone knows that. Once we get you aboard the "You'll fall off the edge, Columbus!" train the rest will neatly fall into place.

Now it's time to "look inside" and observe that the sight lines are not completely impaired by the garish white lettering, thus proving the injustice. We're given a quick warning about those jackboots in Massachusetts and it's finally time for some "I do not consent!" roadside entertainment.

We open strong with the always wining State's Rights gambit, where as an out-of-state traveling individual that does not wish to create joinder I don't need a license plate or anything. The officer waves this and the predictable request to see a supervisor aside and demands ihnen papieren, bitte. A lame appeal to the Supreme Court is made, which seems very out of character for a movement that likes to pretend the last 170 years or so never happened. Still, we get a useful Pro Tip for our own futile stands against the nightmare state.

This is the correct spelling, your pastor is a liar.

The brief debate over "treveling" that follows accomplishes exactly nothing in advancing this interaction, but it's still the key to this amazing trick bag, trust me.  Our hero than incorrectly sites some case law, specifically Murdock v. Pennsylvania, a 1943 Supreme Court decision that declared it unconstitutional for solicitors to have to purchase a special license. I'm not really sure how this is relevant. Maybe he should have claimed to be "soliciting" in his "soliciting wagon" instead of "treveling." The magic words only work when they're used properly, after all.

Our hero holds up a piece of paper like an amulet and insists his wild misinterpretation of how rights and privileges interact is in fact correct, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Hey, just like Flat Earth! Well, he's consistent if nothing else. He then claims to have been "harassed by the Mossad." I'm starting to consider the possibility this guy doesn't have both oars in the water.

This is definitely not a metaphor.

Things take a turn for the hot and steamy as Pastor Earnest asks the officer to "show me yours." Sadly, he's talking about identification. Still, some passive-aggressive dominance role-playing results as Officer Brutal demands "hands on the wheel" while the Man of God insists that he be allowed to sift through various sheets of paper. We know he's not going to comply, because of Freedom and the call to defend the most comical and incorrect beliefs, so even a threat that "It won't end well" is not going to move this mighty mountain.

Another officer arrives, but sadly it isn't the supervisor the man who once battled Israeli secret police has been requesting. Also, more red text informs us that several more imaginary usurpations have taken place, despite not being in evidence in the moving pictures my lying eyes are struggling to process.

No, really.

A lot of what is almost certainly worthless babbling is mercifully edited out by a quick cut, but the debate rages on. He asks the police for a "business card," which I guess would be used when selling your police services to interested clients (no license required for that, thank you 1943 Supreme Court!) but gets shut down by the fascists. He's told he's going to be arrested and the original policeman says, in a Bane voice no less, "This isn't going well for you."

Or should it be "This isn't going well...for you!"

The officers have clearly lost all patience with this goof, I mean heroic defender of our rights, and after a jump cut the female officers politely informs him that his ideas about how this should go are, in fact, "false." Apparently some I.D. does get shown. I know, wow, what a payoff, but the video abruptly ends without any true resolution.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUWtUtfqg0c

Komment Korner  

"This is not a motor vehicle" So what's the thing under the hood that makes it go vroom? 

Cognitive errors and egocentric philosophies.

Ok. I didn't get the sarcasm at the time.

 I have an idea. You're blocked from my page for advertising a website used for criminal activity.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

DotTeeVee: Sovereign Citizens Being Owned, Part 2

Previously, on Sovereign Citizens Being Owned we saw the Lower Alabama version of the Terminator killbot smash a car window, a dopehead get some rather tame voltage to the scrotal area and the world's most unlikeable truck driver turn a routine twenty second stop into a seemingly never ending lecture on how his misinterpretation of a naval treaty from 1761 means that questions from an officer don't need to be answered. Honestly, the only way it could have been better would have been with some Sheriff John Bunnell narration. "Here's a law-flaunting drug freak in a Big Rig! He honestly thinks that he's going to talk his way out of this by appealing to the Articles of the Confederation. The officer has seen enough. Now the window glass is almost as broken as his understanding of the legal system. A few high voltage shocks bring this dangerous animal under control. He'll continue his discourse on 18th century road laws...in JAIL!!!"

"His smart mouth just bought him a night's stay in the Green Bar Hotel!"

Our next resistor to the evil, all-powerful government, you know like in Divergent, proudly declares that's he's not listening to the lawful orders, which I'm sure will shut this down under some obscure hard-of-hearing defense that was briefly allowed for a few months by a treaty from 1744. In other words, check and mate. I can't even comprehend the tyranny you're talking at me, man. Far out. "It's called civil disobedience, have you ever heard of it?" explains our hero. Move over Gandhi. Why aren't you here, making life miserable for our police?

This question about civil disobedience and the knowledge of the concept is asked a few more times without satisfactory results and then the version of Thoreau our generation gets simply drives off. Wait, I thought he was going to get owned, what's up with this? As if in anticipation of my objections, the court records, complete with guilty pleas, are displayed while wacky music plays. We need to get the person who made this video directing various Hollywood reboots, this is incredible art.

9/15, never forget.

We're back to the trucker we met in part one. I guess the auteur that wove together this amazing compilation correctly assumed that there's only so much of this passive-aggressive piece of human goo we could take in one sitting. Now the officer is actually reading the relevant code directly from a piece of paper, his initial jovial goodwill long gone. The basic takeaway is that you're supposed to cooperate with law enforcement. But what about my freedoms? Talk about a bring-down. We get a final ultimatum that is met with "I am cooperating!" Well, that explains why we're wasting all this time going around in meaningless circles.

There's a jump edit and the same conversation is still going as if probably twenty minutes or so hadn't just elapsed. Long suffering doesn't even begin to describe the tool of the Orwellian system, while his victim just wants to "go down a road." He also isn't a fan of the intimidation that has occurred, as witnessed in cheerful smiles, polite questions and supreme professionalism in the face of the drivel he's been spouting. 

It's time to break the glass, but even now the jackboot wearer gives a countdown from three and when the countdown is over has some addition, fruitless discussion with the last, best hope for a free society. Finally the window gets smashed and the trucker gets showered with flying shards. "Shit." Yeah, it's almost like you could have somehow prevented this, but let's be real you're correct and the rest of the world needs to change.

They only warned me 37 times!

 

After all of that, the minority of one is dragged from the cab and arrested. This civilization thing, it's got to go.

Time to hear from a young lady, who wants yet another faceless system thug to remove his dark glasses so we can search vainly for any humanity in the eyes beneath. Predictably, the request is ignored and questions about comings and going receive non-answers. Back to discussing the cool shades, but they're not coming off because of the sunlight. Yeah, right. These nazis, they just make up anything.

We get some insincere thanks from the daughter of liberty, more debate over sunglasses and my feelings as a unique and special human being and then the officer wants to know why the motorist has been parked on the roadside for an extended period of time. Apparently she already told another oppressor. See, he wasn't wearing glass and thus earned the precious pearl that is a barely civil conversation.

To keep track of cars parked along a road.

After more useless, useless words the protector of the wealthy elite directs the driver to a nearby sign. In a funny bit we actually briefly see the No Parking sign, but our heroine instead thinks he's pointing to one mentioning a game refuge. This misunderstanding is promptly corrected. In a rare flip of the script the free woman asks the state trooper if there's a fire, but sadly "It doesn't matter." More feigned politeness and we manage to end one of these without breaking glass or delivering shocks. 

That last one was pretty boring and disappointing, but to make up for it we cut to a car chase worthy of World's Wildest Police Videos. Two high-speed scofflaws, putting innocent lives in danger, as a certain well-tanned sheriff might describe it. Heavy Australian accents describe how they "Just went through a breathalyzer" and are now fleeing the reprisal. Whether or not they were drinking from those massive beer cans or discussing if something was a knife or not remains unknown at this point.

Hi guys...drink beer!

We get a hearty "Here we go!" as the glory riders haul rear end, fleeing Mad Max and his 800 horsepower interceptor. A quick glance back reveals the forces of the decaying central authority are close by, trying to prevent this white line nightmare. This is followed by some exciting night driving footage and the calming tones of police sirens. Sadly the Nightrider is promptly surrounded by the authorities. Oh well, I'm sure they'll be willing to calmly discuss admiralty law for the next twenty minutes following that wild mid-speed chase.

Requests to open the door are met with a "No Mate!" Break out his window with a boomerang guys, come on.   

Mad Max 5: Am I Under Arrest?

Incredibly, we actually do get more conversation, featuring the usual "Am I free to go" requests as menacing government tools circle with batons at the ready. The smash and grab does occur however, and is described as "thuggery." I'd go so far as to maybe call it "hooliganism" myself.  

"Am I under arrest?"

"Yes."

Tune in next week at this time for the thrilling conclusion of Sovereign Citizens Being Owned, featuring a feckless momma's boy, a snide comment that is actually factually accurate and more requests to see the supervisor because law enforcement is like costumer service and that particular gambit always works. 

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.