Friday, August 7, 2015

DotTeeVee: Sovereign Citizens Being Owned, Part 2

Previously, on Sovereign Citizens Being Owned we saw the Lower Alabama version of the Terminator killbot smash a car window, a dopehead get some rather tame voltage to the scrotal area and the world's most unlikeable truck driver turn a routine twenty second stop into a seemingly never ending lecture on how his misinterpretation of a naval treaty from 1761 means that questions from an officer don't need to be answered. Honestly, the only way it could have been better would have been with some Sheriff John Bunnell narration. "Here's a law-flaunting drug freak in a Big Rig! He honestly thinks that he's going to talk his way out of this by appealing to the Articles of the Confederation. The officer has seen enough. Now the window glass is almost as broken as his understanding of the legal system. A few high voltage shocks bring this dangerous animal under control. He'll continue his discourse on 18th century road JAIL!!!"

"His smart mouth just bought him a night's stay in the Green Bar Hotel!"

Our next resistor to the evil, all-powerful government, you know like in Divergent, proudly declares that's he's not listening to the lawful orders, which I'm sure will shut this down under some obscure hard-of-hearing defense that was briefly allowed for a few months by a treaty from 1744. In other words, check and mate. I can't even comprehend the tyranny you're talking at me, man. Far out. "It's called civil disobedience, have you ever heard of it?" explains our hero. Move over Gandhi. Why aren't you here, making life miserable for our police?

This question about civil disobedience and the knowledge of the concept is asked a few more times without satisfactory results and then the version of Thoreau our generation gets simply drives off. Wait, I thought he was going to get owned, what's up with this? As if in anticipation of my objections, the court records, complete with guilty pleas, are displayed while wacky music plays. We need to get the person who made this video directing various Hollywood reboots, this is incredible art.

9/15, never forget.

We're back to the trucker we met in part one. I guess the auteur that wove together this amazing compilation correctly assumed that there's only so much of this passive-aggressive piece of human goo we could take in one sitting. Now the officer is actually reading the relevant code directly from a piece of paper, his initial jovial goodwill long gone. The basic takeaway is that you're supposed to cooperate with law enforcement. But what about my freedoms? Talk about a bring-down. We get a final ultimatum that is met with "I am cooperating!" Well, that explains why we're wasting all this time going around in meaningless circles.

There's a jump edit and the same conversation is still going as if probably twenty minutes or so hadn't just elapsed. Long suffering doesn't even begin to describe the tool of the Orwellian system, while his victim just wants to "go down a road." He also isn't a fan of the intimidation that has occurred, as witnessed in cheerful smiles, polite questions and supreme professionalism in the face of the drivel he's been spouting. 

It's time to break the glass, but even now the jackboot wearer gives a countdown from three and when the countdown is over has some addition, fruitless discussion with the last, best hope for a free society. Finally the window gets smashed and the trucker gets showered with flying shards. "Shit." Yeah, it's almost like you could have somehow prevented this, but let's be real you're correct and the rest of the world needs to change.

They only warned me 37 times!
After all of that, the minority of one is dragged from the cab and arrested. This civilization thing, it's got to go.

Time to hear from a young lady, who wants yet another faceless system thug to remove his dark glasses so we can search vainly for any humanity in the eyes beneath. Predictably, the request is ignored and questions about comings and going receive non-answers. Back to discussing the cool shades, but they're not coming off because of the sunlight. Yeah, right. These nazis, they just make up anything.

We get some insincere thanks from the daughter of liberty, more debate over sunglasses and my feelings as a unique and special human being and then the officer wants to know why the motorist has been parked on the roadside for an extended period of time. Apparently she already told another oppressor. See, he wasn't wearing glass and thus earned the precious pearl that is a barely civil conversation.

To keep track of cars parked along a road.

After more useless, useless words the protector of the wealthy elite directs the driver to a nearby sign. In a funny bit we actually briefly see the No Parking sign, but our heroine instead thinks he's pointing to one mentioning a game refuge. This misunderstanding is promptly corrected. In a rare flip of the script the free woman asks the state trooper if there's a fire, but sadly "It doesn't matter." More feigned politeness and we manage to end one of these without breaking glass or delivering shocks. 

That last one was pretty boring and disappointing, but to make up for it we cut to a car chase worthy of World's Wildest Police Videos. Two high-speed scofflaws, putting innocent lives in danger, as a certain well-tanned sheriff might describe it. Heavy Australian accents describe how they "Just went through a breathalyzer" and are now fleeing the reprisal. Whether or not they were drinking from those massive beer cans or discussing if something was a knife or not remains unknown at this point.

Hi guys...drink beer!

We get a hearty "Here we go!" as the glory riders haul rear end, fleeing Mad Max and his 800 horsepower interceptor. A quick glance back reveals the forces of the decaying central authority are close by, trying to prevent this white line nightmare. This is followed by some exciting night driving footage and the calming tones of police sirens. Sadly the Nightrider is promptly surrounded by the authorities. Oh well, I'm sure they'll be willing to calmly discuss admiralty law for the next twenty minutes following that wild mid-speed chase.

Requests to open the door are met with a "No Mate!" Break out his window with a boomerang guys, come on.   

Mad Max 5: Am I Under Arrest?

Incredibly, we actually do get more conversation, featuring the usual "Am I free to go" requests as menacing government tools circle with batons at the ready. The smash and grab does occur however, and is described as "thuggery." I'd go so far as to maybe call it "hooliganism" myself.  

"Am I under arrest?"


Tune in next week at this time for the thrilling conclusion of Sovereign Citizens Being Owned, featuring a feckless momma's boy, a snide comment that is actually factually accurate and more requests to see the supervisor because law enforcement is like costumer service and that particular gambit always works. 

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.   

No comments:

Post a Comment