DotTeeVee: Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned 2 COMPILATION, Part VI

Last time on Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned we discovered what your upper body would look like if you never did a push-up in your life, we got a convincing argument for banning all immigration, ever, for any reason and the new King of America performed his self-coronation. If that wasn't enough, a diabolic plan to sell our names to China was uncovered and I learned that I'm never going to try to review a video longer than seven minutes or so again, ever, because this has totally consumed my life with no end in sight. Fortunately, I scouted ahead and from here on in we get some classy Old World charm from the British and, as far as I know, being a U.S. American without maps, their neighboring wayward children.

Am I free to go? Am I being detained? Do I have to answer this map question?

Sure enough, our next Free Man expresses outrage over a traffic stop in his distinct Slopeshire accent. This already feels much classier. I bet he's even wearing a shirt. Sadly, the "bobby" is making the universal request for ihnen papiern, bitte and it seems that no amount of appealing to "What law says that?" is going to prove useful for ending this predictable impasse. The authorities, the last hero and his fellow "traveler" (because we're traveling instead of driving, which is a commercial term, I don't know if they're communists) confer independently, each group coming up with a plan of action.

Those plans turn out to be "smash the glass" and "keep acting passive-aggressive and hope that somehow de-escalates the situation, respectively. 

Outrage is expressed as the cruel hands of tyranny mill about listlessly. "Are you gonna put up with this?" This is the question we must all answer, lest our freedom to be a jerk to poorly paid and overworked public servants starts to slip through our fingers. 

In the background a "tyres" truck drives past, confirming that we're across the pond.

"Look at this aggression!" This is immediately followed by shattering glass. Travel 3000 miles and nothing changes. The camera goes black. "Get out!" Addition high-pitched whining follows from The Resistor and the clip abruptly ends.

If you ain't Millwall I'll bash ya, you bleeding wanker.

Looks like we're back in the good old USA for the next clip, as unconfirmed by the ubiquitous obesity and "I flipped off your [fudging] friend." Sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. The officers challenge our hero's right to use "foul language" earning goofy laughter in return. Honestly, after watching a few hours of this stuff I'm ready to vote against due process, a chance we'll hopefully get very soon. 

The Private Citizen only wants to talk to the fascist he "flipped off," I guess under the assumption that this individual would be the most sympathetic, which is totally reasonable. Instead, it's cuffing time and we're already done here. Truly the one that laughs last, laughs best.

Time for more Britain. This time the thrall of the Evil Queen wants "details" and there are no prizes for guessing the response. We then discover that "an act is not a law" which is sheer brilliancy. Arrest is threatened and the man of courage demands a warrant. It's like this guy watched Perry Mason while high on PCP and now thinks he's a legal expert. With no warning whatsoever the window gets smashed. "Shit!"

These sovereign citizens are putting my kids through college! 

There's various mutterings in heavy prole accents that defy interpretation and another enemy of Big Brother gets arrested. I know, who could have predicted this?

Back to America, where a live-action version of Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel refuses to remove his battered NASCAR hat in a court room setting. "Many people consider it disrespectful NOT to wear a hat," explains his equally disheveled buddy, no doubt blowing the minds of "the squares." He then goes on to suggest that the cap-wearing might be religious in nature and who are you, punk, to claim one religion is better than another. Yeah, take that! This is a lot better than complying with a perfectly reasonable request.

Dale Junior is my religion.

Another polite entreaty is, of course, rejected. This is illegal force and a usurpation of my rights. We didn't fight the War Between the States to return home to this kind of treatment. "Treat others as you would want to be treated." Wow, far out. We're going to defeat the hat nazis with the power of LOVE, man. My ratty headgear stays on. I'm a human being full of value.

Time to get arrested. Our lid aficionado refuses to assist in his arrest, just like a scruffy, totally unlikable version of Gandhi.  This leads to a lot of goofy behavior, dutifully recorded on phones by scumbags with massive beer bellies. If you want to "accidentally" hit that button Mr. Putin, I totally understand.

...and I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free...

More references to the Golden Rule fall on the wooden ears of tyranny. I'd let you wear a cap, if the roles were reversed. I'm just saying. The passive resistance continues, ultimately culminating in a wheelchair for the greatest human being currently alive. "What do you plan on doing?" Gee, I wonder. The bony rear end is placed in the seat and additional sarcastic comments are made, because I treat others how I would like to be treated, except when it becomes even the tiniest of burdens. The dirtbag gets rolled off. Godspeed, my true friend, you were too beautiful for this world.

Can you believe we're almost done? Tune in next time for the shocking conclusion of Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned 2 COMPILATION.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.    

News You Can't Use: McDonald's to Cut Prices on Drinks as Industry Slumps

Having the world's most extensive strategic arsenal of high fructose corn syrup beverages is bound to come in useful at some point. Maybe we can water crops with the bubble water, something like that? Or perhaps it could be used to save the slumping fast food industry, which has been hamstrung by the fitness craze sweeping the nation, the new and exotic so-called "grocery store" and our recent decision to raise the minimum wage to a thousand dollars an hour, making everyone super wealthy because that's how economics works. Now the hope rests on watered-down syrup delivery systems aimed at the human resource who is not aware that you can buy the real stuff dirt cheap at that weird, snobbish "grocer" I already mentioned.

McDonald’s Corp., reeling from an industrywide restaurant slump and slowing growth from its all-day breakfast push, is looking to beverages to help perk up the business.

Once I could get breakfast balls at 11:01 a.m.without making a giant scene I pretty much lost all interest in purchasing them. Give me something else to dream on, pink slime industry.

The world’s biggest food-service company, which last year focused its advertising on cheeseburgers and chicken sandwiches, plans to offer $1 sodas and $2 McCafe specialty drinks across the U.S.

The critically acclaimed "I'll give you these cheeseburgers/I don't want any cheeseburgers" advertising campaign somehow failed. Perhaps I can offer you something else. Suck a soda through a straw?

It’s turning to higher-margin beverages at a time when cheap grocery prices are prodding more Americans to eat at home.

Seriously bro, I bought a box of Captain Crunch up in that bizz-atch for three Washingtons, took it home and got down. I have defeated the "restaurant" trick bag and am woke as fudge.

Last year, the chain advertised two-for-$2 and two-for-$5 deals to bring back diners they’d lost after nixing its popular Dollar Menu.

Yeah, nice try. My dinner budget is one George plus applicable sales tax and that's not negotiable.

“Demand has been a little weak,” said Jack Russo, analyst at Edward D. Jones & Co. “A lot of these guys think they’ve got to keep promoting to keep people coming in the door.”

Some of these em effers think you have to offer deals or whatever. It's crazy.

The McDonald’s promotion, which starts in April, will include soft drinks of any size for $1.

Yes, even "medium."

The strategy aims to create “noticeable changes” for customers, said Adam Salgado, vice president of U.S. marketing at Oak Brook, Illinois-based McDonald’s. 

We've given up on subliminals, at least for now.

“It’s adding another layer of great value for customers with more choices.”

You will note that it's just a minor price adjustment and there are no actual new choices, but by the time you figure it out I'll be on a plane headed for South America.

Snack maker PepsiCo Inc. said on a Feb. 15 conference call that it expects commodity inflation to accelerate this year. Potbelly Corp., a U.S. sandwich chain, also warned about rising costs.

Pathetic Fat and Inactive Piles of Human Waste LLC warned that current indicators suggest a market correction is coming soon.

Starbucks Corp. and Dunkin’ Donuts, meanwhile, both have rewards programs that lock customers in with free and discounted beverages and food.

Buy ten cheeseburgers and the eleventh is 10% less! Here, stick this card in your wallet with all the others!

“We know that there are budget-conscious consumers out there,” he said. “Value will always be a part of our strategy.”

With that in mind, we're cancelling the "McCaviar" sandwich.

Full Story.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.   

News You Can't Use: Obese to Wear Waist Sensors for Federal Study

Despite the seemingly endless run of that fat camp television show we've still got a big (haw haw) problem with obesity in America. Somehow watching food victims waddle up stairs to a giant scale for forty-five advertisement riddled minutes has done little to change the gorging and lazing habits that represent the closest thing we have to a shared national vision. Fortunately, our government is on the case and we've all seen their track record of success. We're going to attach sophisticated sensors to people with real bodies not like those Hollywood sticks and will, presumably, get real-time "Are you allowed to have a jelly doughnut?" updates or something.

The National Science Foundation (NSF) is spending $1.7 million to monitor how and what obese families eat, tracking their eating via sensors they wear on their waists.

I guess we could just ask them, but you know how physical and moral failure walk arm-in-arm, so sensors must be deployed. Who is agreeing to this? "Hey fat boy, how would you like to wear an electronic device on your bloat that will document your pathetic lack of self-control?" Who could say no to that?

The research, conducted by the University of Southern California (USC) and the University of Virginia, began this month. Families will be monitored for months at a time.

I...want...my...fancy...degree. Man, that ain't working, you do the research at the Uni-verse-it-tee. That's the way to do it, grants for nothing and unearned respect for free. Let me tell, them guys ain't dumb. Maybe get a blister on your sensor finger, maybe get some chocolate stains on your thumb. What's that? Obesity studies? He's banging on a table like a chim-pan-zee.

A leading researcher on the project said the study is a “novel” approach to fighting childhood obesity.

Yeah, I suppose that's one way to describe this massive waste of time and money that might, if we get lucky, reveal that obese individuals take in more calories than they expend.

“Recent advances in remote sensing have provided a new paradigm for tracking human behavior, but obesity-related efforts focused directly on diet and activity have been hampered by not only the accuracy of behavior tracking (especially dietary intake) but also the lack of behavioral theories and dynamic models for personalized just-in-time, adaptive interventions (JITAIs),” according to a grant for the project. 

Let's try to parse this word swamp into vernacular English. "The rise of big brother and 'we are the dead' technology is giving us new ways to treat people like lab rats but when it comes to fatties [impenetrable and meaningless academic babble] so please give us money." Sorry, that was the best I could do.

“Current behavioral science suggests that family eating dynamics (FED) have high potential to impact child and parent dietary intake and obesity rates.”

LOL., FED amirite? USC and Virgina, master trolls messing with old Uncle Sucker.

The project will use wearable wireless sensors to track the family’s eating habits, in the hopes of bring about “behavior modification.”

We'll play some Beethoven, show you a video of someone eating a cake and inject drugs that make you physically ill.

Maybe sensors could help explain it.

The project, dubbed M2FED, is using a system of “in-home beacons, wireless and wearable sensors, and smartphones” to collect real time data of what the research subjects are eating. 

Everyone staring into tiny electronic devices is fixing every other aspect of our society so it makes sense to deploy it here.

USC has received $1,047,961 so far for the project. The University of Virginia received $689,315.

Thanks taxpayers!

“It is a pretty ambitious project, but the data that we accrue will be absolutely novel and informative,” she said. “We are going to learn many new things with this proposal about how family systems function dynamically around food and eating, and how this impacts eating behavior.”

Think of the "most of it actually gets into the mouth instead of flying off as crumbs" breakthroughs we'll be making!

Spruijt-Metz’s Obesity Research and Mobile Health Lab at USC uses technology to develop “culturally sensitive, evidence based approaches to promote health behavior change.”

It's like solving the world's hardest mystery, while walking on eggshells to avoid offending anyone.

Spruijt-Metz is also leading a $1,131,922 study for the National Institutes of Health that turned First Lady Michelle Obama’s White House garden into a video game.

Escape the Witch's Garden of Evil before she can seize our beloved grease food! Dodge foul-tasting "nutritious" government meals and earn big points for grabbing those yummy cheeseburgers!

Don't visit the ad-intensive source: http://freebeacon.com/issues/obese-to-wear-waist-sensors-for-federal-study/

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Pizza Hut Testing 'Skinny Slice'

Americans, on the average, have awesome real bodies with incredible curves that any decent, secure man would go wild over in the most respectful way possible. And by that, I mean we're overweight. Which is great! I celebrate absolutely everything, as long as it isn't those evil traditional values that served civilization so poorly over the last six thousand years. Still, there are a few cranks who think the expanding national waistlines are a mixed blessing. Some of these individuals are apparently decision makers for pizza chains, because we're now getting an attempt to make a meal that represents a week's worth of calories into something sensible that would only fill that quota for two or three days, max.

Pizza Hut is testing out a lighter pizza in two U.S. markets as it seeks to freshen up its menu and regain its footing against competitors.

"I think you'll all agree that the new Pizza Hut Nothin' is the magic bullet that will save our mediocre franchise from the far superior alternatives that have been devastating our market share. If you have any questions, I'll be in the restroom, sobbing."

The tests of the "Skinny Slice" pies began this week at several dozen restaurants in Toledo, Ohio, and West Palm Beach, Florida.

As usual the non-Spanish Toledo is right at the cutting edge of exciting new trends that absolutely reek of desperation and "Me too!" bandwagonism long after the point where it would have actually made a difference. And there's Florida, too, I guess.

The pies simply use less of the same dough used for regular pies and are lighter on the toppings, said Doug Terfehr, a Pizza Hut spokesman.

By the time you figure out this is a "pay more, get less" shuck that really won't help with fitness or weight loss goals I'll be safely in a country that doesn't extradite.

Several fast-food and restaurant chains have turned to lighter offerings over the years as a way to update their images, with varying degrees of success. 

Still better than "Extreme Marketing," you can at least say that.

Burger King, for instance, recently said the majority of its U.S. restaurants would stop offering lower-calorie french fries less than a year after the so-called "Satisfries" were introduced.

They were replaced with the standard high calorie freedom fries, the so-called "Pacifries."

The test by Pizza Hut comes as the chain fights to win back market share. Last year, Pizza Hut sales fell 2 percent at U.S. locations open at least a year. Domino's, by contrast, saw the figure rise 5.4 percent while Papa John's saw sales rise 4 percent in North America.

Two percent might not seem like a lot, but that is private industry we're talking about, not our government.

Darren Tristano, a restaurant analyst with industry tracker Technomic, noted that Pizza Hut may be suffering in part because it's the biggest player and has the most to lose at a time when the pizza business overall is seeing moderate growth of about 2 percent to 3 percent a year.

The dismal science, it's amazing! Obviously in a time of moderate growth the "biggest player" would stand to lose. It just makes logical sense. Hey, let's print more money to cover budget shortfalls!

But he also noted that the chain has failed to "evolve its product," while Papa John's has played up its quality and Domino's improved its pizza.

The New Domino's: Tastes Less Like an Old Tire Than Ever!

"Gimme ten of them Skinny Pizzas."

Pizza Hut is owned by Yum Brands Inc., which also owns Taco Bell and KFC.

Good old "Yum Brands," formerly Hitlertech Chemicals and Germ Warfare. 

Pizza Hut also rolled out "Fit n' Delicious" pies more than a decade ago that had even fewer calories than the new Skinny Slice pies by going lighter on toppings.

After several locations were burned to the ground that particular "pie" was discontinued. 

Also, we need another word for pizza that isn't "pie," because I'm sure the editor that decided to take a five day weekend rather than check this article would have had issues with this. Maybe "Eye-talian Circle Food" or "Man, My Left Arm is Tingling."

If the test proves successful, the Skinny Slice pies would replace the Fit N' Delicious pies, which are still available on request, Terfehr said in an email.

This request must be made in writing, submitted six months in advance and be approved by one of your State Senators. 

During the Atkins craze, Domino's also tested a whole wheat crust but ultimately abandoned the idea.

Maybe there's some sort of lesson there. Naw, probably not. Still, food for thought. 

Full Article.

Check Out My Books!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read free excerpts here and here.

His first novel "The Foolchild Invention" is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

DotTeeVee: 13 year old boy arrested for smiling

DotTeeVee is finally back and suffice it to say I picked a great video to return with that certainly wasn't the first mildly amusing under three minutes drivel I stumbled on. No, this is very, very special. It's all about the plague of Face Crime threatening whatever the hell it is that our country is supposed to represent. It's time to get that smile off your face for the greater good. Throw in some police state and the always amusing middle age beer bellies and you have to know this is going to be the most fun you can have while imprisoned in your cell of flesh and bone.

We start off with some youths skateboarding and I'm relieved to see that this activity hasn't changed at all since the fadish popularity it enjoyed when I was the correct age to be arrested for facial expressions. You know the drill: wheel around, attempt some basic stunt and fail miserably, pick up your board and hold it poseur style, repeat until you remember that video games and "R Rated" downloads are waiting back inside your house.

 I rolled around for six seconds without falling...a new record!

Our anti-heroes have constructed a crude "ramp" using a plastic garbage bin and a piece of wood. They're using this construction to preform hot tricks like skating up it...and then sliding back down. I mean, holy dog stuff, I thought I was watching the X Games there for a moment. All is not well in this pocket paradise however, as an adult with an aggressive case of male pregnancy is walking over to squash the righteous good times with the totally major bummer rule of law.

Our full-figured villain wants to know who owns the garbage can propping up the primitive one-eighth pipe, and one teen bravely speaks truth to power by claiming "It was there when we got here!" Sorry son, this isn't an evolution debate where "billions of years, mutations and environmental forces" can be played like an instant-win card. Clearly there are signs of intelligent, or let's be honest semi-intelligent, design. 

"It was formed by the forces of erosion and plate tectonics, honest!"

Suffice it to say the enemy of clean good times is not mollified by this answer, or even the flippant "It was!" that follows. Sure kids, just double down on your lies. We get a threat to call the sheriff and then there's a collision as one of the Precious Natural Resources tries to skate up the board while the evil elder is removing it. For a moment it looks like things are about to get ugly.

   A leaked image from the upcoming "Home Improvement" remake.

We get more common core debating as there's an argument over whether or not Grim Chronos hit one of the beings of pure light and innocence. Father Time insists that law enforcement wouldn't believe their story, even though this entire incident is being recorded, just like everything that now happens thanks to camera phones and beloved Big Brother. Instead of pointing this out the future doctors and lawyers fall back on "Seven on one!" "Seven punk kids!" is the witty rejoinder.

Now riled up by this baby first's rights and responsibilities lecture the embodiment of uncoolness makes the threatened call to the authorities while telling one of the skater's to "Stay here!" He points right at him, but the mind that one day might cure cancer or come up with a workable flat tax still doesn't understand. "Me?"

Yeah, you.

The message finally sinks in and he tries to run off, but apparently fails. Somehow. There's missing footage, footage that I'm sure paints the innocent cherubs and their skate boarding fun in an extremely positive light.

 "Please don't call the cops, boxing reptiles."

When we rejoin this little morality play the lost sheep of generation nothing have been rounded up and are receiving a civics lesson from The Man. Apparently there's a thing called "Private Property" that carries with it certain rights, such as the right not to have to host a special education version of Tony Hawk's pro skater. The impromptu class is all "We didn't do nothing!" which naturally sets off the fuzz even worse. The upshot is they'll have to go. Man, it's like that thing we learned about in our public school history class where the French were put into gas chambers by Russians or whatever. 

In a last bit of pathetic resistance the kids claim they were going to leave on their own. And yet, here you are. There is a logical problem with this.

Now it's time for the tyranny I promised. Channeling Dirty Harry the 30% BMI representative of the law asks "What's your problem punk!" and, of course, wants to see identification. Suffice it to say the Skate Board Kid is lacking ihnen papieren. Things quickly degenerate as the System Criminal delivers massive police brutality, up to and including touching an arm and promising to "take you home." 

When they came for the poseurs I said nothing, because I wasn't a poseur.

We get plenty of passive-aggressive whining from the victim of Orwellian-style oppression. He repeats the claim that he was going to leave and then practically begs to be let go. Is it wrong that I'm starting to hope we'll get into a massive conventional war that will last about ten years and feature the return of the draft? 

The cuffs come out and with that a nice pitiful "Ow, This hurts really bad" is produced followed by more begging. The whining continues, but Officer Evil simply responds with "Anyone else wanna join him!" Not surprisingly, there aren't any takers. Into the police car, drive off, fade to white.    

Komment Korner  

Leave the country please, no one is forcing you to stay

You`re happy I`m not because if I were Russian, you would have been hurt

Ow my arm what a little bitch pussy drop this kids ass in gaza and lets see how he likes it

Me and my friend got arrested for throwing bricks in the air. what the fuck I can't throw bricks?

imagine if it actually said, "Disrespectful 13 year old boy taken home for trespassing" and it explained how the cop put him in cuffs to teach him a lesson

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XmfviKr5HE

Check Out My Books!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read free excerpts here and here.

His first novel "The Foolchild Invention" is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

News You Can't Use: Exercise Data Reveal a Couch Potato Nation

Americans are fat. This is not news. But hey, we've got "science" in the form of attaching hungry, hungry citizens of this great republic to various probes and sensors and then recording the lethargy. The results, predictably, paint a picture of real women with real curves, real men with real sleep apnea issues and a nation that would never leave the couch, ever, if such a paradise was somehow obtainable.

Americans are stuck in chairs and on the couch, spending eight hours a day with their metabolic engines barely idling

And that isn't even counting the so-called "sleeping" that wastes another eight hours.

According to data from sensors that scientists put on nearly 2,600 people to see what they actually did all day.

"Can't I just write down what I do and report back? I think my word should be good enough."

"No. Sensors."

The results were not encouraging: Obese women averaged about 11 seconds a day at vigorous exercise

This exercise consisted of opening various food containers.

11 seconds? How is that even possible? It's been awhile since I've had an 11 second vigorous exercise and the truth is it happens to all men sometimes so stop looking at me like that and let me go to sleep.

While men and women of normal weight exercised vigorously (on the level of a jog or brisk uphill hike) for less than two minutes a day, according to the study published in Mayo Clinic Proceedings.

While not quite a two pump (of knees while hiking uphill) chump, it's not especially good, either.

I'm guessing the land whales used in this study thought the "mayo clinic" was some sort of mayonnaise research center and by the time they figured out it wasn't the medical devices had already been attached.

If you included moderate exercise, such as yoga or golf, folks of normal weight logged about 2.5 to 4 hours weekly, according to the data. In part, that’s good news: federal recommendations for adults include 2.5 hours of moderate-intensity aerobic activity coupled with muscle-strengthening exercise.

So really, everything is fine.

Still, the data sketch a nearly supine population profile, with days marked by long hours of sedentary behavior, particularly for those who are overweight or obese.

One nation, fully prone, gasping for breath, with assorted salty snack items and sugar syrups for all.

Edward C. Archer, a nutrition and obesity researcher at the University of Alabama at Birmingham. “How you spend your day determines whether you store your food as fat or store your food in your muscle, healthfully.” 

I don't think it's possible to be an "obesity researcher" in the USA and not be constantly on the verge of a violent meltdown.

Time for those eleven seconds of vigorous exercise.

For the obese, the study confirms what has been known for some time -- they are stuck in a “vicious cycle” of  inactivity and weight gain, said Archer.

We have now proven the "what goes around come around" hypothesis and are close to a unifying theory of how you can't have your cake and eat it too.

The difference between those who were overweight and those with a normal range body mass amounted to four to six minutes of moderate to vigorous activity, the study showed.

If we could just get everyone to climb a sheer cliff face while weighted down with 100 pounds of gear as quickly as possible for a lousy six minutes a day we would solve this problem.

Although socioeconomic data were not included in the paper, previous research has shown that low-income people, particularly single mothers, are most likely to falling into a low-exercise lifestyle, in part from the demands of work and from the condition of recreational facilities in their neighborhoods.

Although the article is pretty much over I thought I'd throw in this irrelevant digression that has vaguely political undertones for no good reason.

“Ultimately the greatest inequalities we have is in our health behaviors,” he said.

"If only there was some way to redistribute exercise using coercive methods via a state-controlled apparatus, perhaps after a bloody revolution where the 'health nobility' are targeted."

“Unfortunately, we live most of our life going from chair to chair to chair. And if we can change that, just a little bit, we can have a massive impact on our healthcare costs.”

Just remember, you are the sum of the value you create minus the costs of sustaining your life and that's it. For the good of an impersonal and often hostile system, shape the hell up.

Full Article.

Komment Korner  

There is a long political tradition of abusing fat kids

JUST A ROUTINE AUDIT, CITIZEN-UNIT...

Getting down to the floor also allows for greater mobility as one streches and moves the body.

Yeah, and their new model is Planet Fitness, where serious fitness buffs are excluded, uninvited, and overtly discouraged from membership.

I've noticed the three most prominent "fat jobs" are goobmit, deadumacation, and hellth care.

Shill Section

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read a free excerpt here.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.