Americans are stuck in chairs and on the couch, spending eight hours a day with their metabolic engines barely idling
And that isn't even counting the so-called "sleeping" that wastes another eight hours.
According to data from sensors that scientists put on nearly 2,600 people to see what they actually did all day.
"Can't I just write down what I do and report back? I think my word should be good enough."
The results were not encouraging: Obese women averaged about 11 seconds a day at vigorous exercise
This exercise consisted of opening various food containers.
11 seconds? How is that even possible? It's been awhile since I've had an 11 second vigorous exercise and the truth is it happens to all men sometimes so stop looking at me like that and let me go to sleep.
While men and women of normal weight exercised vigorously (on the level of a jog or brisk uphill hike) for less than two minutes a day, according to the study published in Mayo Clinic Proceedings.
While not quite a two pump (of knees while hiking uphill) chump, it's not especially good, either.
I'm guessing the land whales used in this study thought the "mayo clinic" was some sort of mayonnaise research center and by the time they figured out it wasn't the medical devices had already been attached.
If you included moderate exercise, such as yoga or golf, folks of normal weight logged about 2.5 to 4 hours weekly, according to the data. In part, that’s good news: federal recommendations for adults include 2.5 hours of moderate-intensity aerobic activity coupled with muscle-strengthening exercise.
So really, everything is fine.
Still, the data sketch a nearly supine population profile, with days marked by long hours of sedentary behavior, particularly for those who are overweight or obese.
One nation, fully prone, gasping for breath, with assorted salty snack items and sugar syrups for all.
Edward C. Archer, a nutrition and obesity researcher at the University of Alabama at Birmingham. “How you spend your day determines whether you store your food as fat or store your food in your muscle, healthfully.”
I don't think it's possible to be an "obesity researcher" in the USA and not be constantly on the verge of a violent meltdown.
Time for those eleven seconds of vigorous exercise.
For the obese, the study confirms what has been known for some time -- they are stuck in a “vicious cycle” of inactivity and weight gain, said Archer.
We have now proven the "what goes around come around" hypothesis and are close to a unifying theory of how you can't have your cake and eat it too.
The difference between those who were overweight and those with a normal range body mass amounted to four to six minutes of moderate to vigorous activity, the study showed.
If we could just get everyone to climb a sheer cliff face while weighted down with 100 pounds of gear as quickly as possible for a lousy six minutes a day we would solve this problem.
Although socioeconomic data were not included in the paper, previous research has shown that low-income people, particularly single mothers, are most likely to falling into a low-exercise lifestyle, in part from the demands of work and from the condition of recreational facilities in their neighborhoods.
Although the article is pretty much over I thought I'd throw in this irrelevant digression that has vaguely political undertones for no good reason.
“Ultimately the greatest inequalities we have is in our health behaviors,” he said.
"If only there was some way to redistribute exercise using coercive methods via a state-controlled apparatus, perhaps after a bloody revolution where the 'health nobility' are targeted."
“Unfortunately, we live most of our life going from chair to chair to chair. And if we can change that, just a little bit, we can have a massive impact on our healthcare costs.”
Just remember, you are the sum of the value you create minus the costs of sustaining your life and that's it. For the good of an impersonal and often hostile system, shape the hell up.
There is a long political tradition of abusing fat kids
JUST A ROUTINE AUDIT, CITIZEN-UNIT...
Getting down to the floor also allows for greater mobility as one streches and moves the body.
Yeah, and their new model is Planet Fitness, where serious fitness buffs are excluded, uninvited, and overtly discouraged from membership.
I've noticed the three most prominent "fat jobs" are goobmit, deadumacation, and hellth care.