News You Can't Use: Teen Tricked Oklahoma Walmart Managers Out Of Nearly $30,000

I'm not sure if a story about some punk kid ripping off big boxes under obvious false pretenses destroys my little remaining faith in our youth or completely restores it. Maybe call it a draw? Either way, this caper has "wacky Hollywood comedy that glorifies evil" written all over it.

A 17-year-old scammed 3 Oklahoma Walmart stores out of nearly $30,000, reports KFOR-TV.

This is why you're wrong, Grandpa. This story proves not all of us whippersnappers are lazy.  Sure we're deceitful and amoral monsters, but we're not afraid to put the shoulder to the criminality grindstone.

Police say the teen, whose name is not being released because he is a juvenile, conned the managers of those stores into thinking he was an employee.

The old "pretend to be an employee" trick. Ask a government worker for more information on how that one is done.

At a Walmart in Moore, the teen “acted as if he was a general manager from another store,” says the police report. He told the managers he was doing an inventory before corporate higher ups came to inspect them after the holidays.

"Dude, I mean sir, I'm General Manager Van Halen and it's very important I go through all the money for like, holiday inspection or whatever."

Surveillance cameras recorded the teen all alone in the cash room where he took “multiple bundles of cash, stuffing them inside his pockets and clothes,” says the report.

So in other words he acted the way most legitimate management does, perhaps somewhat more blatantly.

He allegedly showed up in uniform and nametag at a store in Edmond, where he worked a register and pocketed $3,000.

Well, he's got a name tag. That's enough proof for me. Leave him alone in the cash room for a few hours.

I don't like these new greeters they're using.

Authorities say he had a uniform and nametag because he had worked at a Walmart in Oklahoma city…before he was fired for stealing.

This must be one of those "patterns" that those super genius guys on the electronic toilet use to solve crimes.

Komment Korner  

Given his obvious mental capacity, they ought to give a light sentence and pay his college tuition. He might do some good for the world.

He was just getting seed money to start his hedge fund.

He's a prime candidate for a long career as a Wall St "investment banker".

Obviously you are ignorant piece of garbage

Good going, young one! Very proud of you!

Shill Section

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read a free excerpt here.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here