Wednesday, May 13, 2015

News You Can't Use: Humans to Blame for Accidents Involving Self-Driving Cars

There are two things almost everyone thinks they're good at and almost no one actually is: driving and making love. In the bedroom arena the process of replacing failed humanity with superior mechanized genitals is pretty much complete and we're much better off for it. Unfortunately, the progress of turning over the internal combustion transport to friend computer is proving much slower, but there's every reason for optimism. After all, Google is on the case and they've already brought us such innovations such as unskippable YouTube commercials and a camera you can attach to your face. Truly, this is the correct soulless mega-corporation for the job. Now if only you humans and your stupid minds would stop causing accidents with amazing robot cars. 

Testing of self-driving cars on California roads has resulted in about a dozen minor accidents during the past six years, but humans were to blame for the accidents, Delphi Automotive and Google said.

"It was the other person's fault," say highly biased business clones that are paid to tell these sort of lies. I'm convinced.

No one was hurt in the accidents, according to both companies.

"The circuit board was completely undamaged. Some glorified ape might have died or whatever, but who cares."

The accidents came to light after the Associated Press examined state public records covering the companies and the cars, which must be filed in order to test the vehicles on public roads. The filings became mandatory in September.

See, the media isn't entirely an apparatus that exists to sell products and promote tyranny. We also do some of that so-called "investigative" reporting.

“Not once was the self-driving car the cause of the accident,” he wrote.

Just like how everything that goes wrong with your computer is entirely your own fault, always.

Kristen Kinley, a spokeswoman for Delphi – a maker of automotive parts and components – said in an interview with Fortune that “these are engineering vehicles. You can’t get from A to B – to driverless cars – without a lot of testing. Driverless is still a long way off.”

"Omelet, broken eggs, you get the idea."

Cars already can be equipped with sensors that can keep a car in its lane, brake to prevent a rear-end collision and detect pedestrians and bicyclists.

These exciting "sensors" are sometimes also called "mirrors."

The Boston Consulting Group, in a study released in January, forecasted “partially autonomous vehicles are likely to hit the roads in large numbers by 2017.”

And we do mean "hit." Might want to stay off the freeway for a little while, just saying.

The new technology is bound to worry and bewilder more than a few drivers, which is why Google, Delphi and the automakers are undertaking prolonged, extensive testing under real-world conditions to explore possible pitfalls and demonstrate technological effectiveness – with the goal of overcoming consumer skepticism.

Having created the convincing illusion of that "legitimate journalism" we heard mentioned once in an undergraduate class it's back to selling you horrible dangerous garbage you don't need.

“The potential for safety is enormous,” said Kinley.

Honestly, just think of all the safety. That should be your first thought when we discuss the coming rise of the machines.

"I'll drive."

About 33,000 traffic fatalities were recorded in the U.S. in 2013.

Only about half were directly caused by misuse of existing technology.

BCG predicts that the technology will be “highly attractive to both carmakers and their customers.”

Finally that annoying chore of driving cool cars will be eliminated.

But first the public must be convinced that the computers, sensors and software that control these new machines will do a superior job of keeping it safe and sound.

The usual "we'll just tell you what to think" strategy will be used.

Komment Korner  

If we could just eliminate Humans, the robots will have no problem on Earth.

I have a good driving record and enjoy pretty cheap insurance rates ($25/month from Insurance Panda).

Unfortunately, humans are to blame for Google.

Kill google before its too late.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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