Wednesday, May 6, 2015

News You Can't Use: Woman Cuts Family Off From WiFi Over Health Concerns

Is the unnecessary technological nonsense we can't live without causing health problems or even premature death (this has never happened before)? The answer, of course, is yes, but on the other hand there's little glowing mobile skinner boxes that provide just the perfect reinforcement schedule for any right-thinking modern super ape. Faced with giving that up to survive I think the living would envy the dead. Still, there's some crank somewhere who has dumped the WiFi and somehow made headlines in the process. Oh well, it's not like there's anything else going on in America or the World right now, so I guess this bit of whimsy involving the mother who feared the invisible wires is acceptable.

A local mother’s health concerns prompted her to cut her family off from wireless and wants more research conducted into the safety of WiFi.

In other news a local bar patron made some excellent points about poverty and the military industrial complex, before falling asleep in his own vomit.

In the Lawson household, cassette tapes are still in use, as are landline telephones.

It's like taking a fear-fueled Luddite time machine back to the late eighties! Freaky stuff, man.

Not in use, however, are cellphones, iPads, iPods nor absolutely no wireless connections to the outside world.

This level of detachment is roughly equivalent to living in a cave on the dark side of the moon. Honestly, a landline telephone. Come on, help me make a big deal out of this non-story.

“You’re just thinking, ‘I want to live,’ ” said Anura Lawson, a mother and teacher.

"Put down that iPad if you want to live." Now climb on my motorcycle while I produce a pump-action shotgun from my cool leather jacket.

If only we stuck with cassettes, the machines would have never conquered Earth. Must go back in time and kill the compact disc inventor, even though that really has nothing to do with wireless technology.

Lawson says she started feeling sick in 2012 soon after the Los Angeles Department of Water and Power installed a wireless smart meter on her home.

I bought an iPod and felt a little sick later that week. After touching a CD case I ran into my ex-wife. Clearly these misfortunes were directly caused by the technology.

There are 52,000 of these smart meters being tested in L.A., and the DWP says they’re safe.

If you can't trust a faceless and evil government agency, who can you trust?

Lawson’s daughter, Amira, 22, also experienced trouble. “My brain was running slower, and I was like, ‘I don’t know what’s going on,’ ” she said.

Could this be the modern version of "Power lines gave me cancer, where's my lawyer?" Let's all hope so.

“There is a syndrome called electromagnetic hypersensitivity,” said Robert Nagourney, an oncologist in Long Beach and professor at UC Irvine.

"Actually, no there isn't. Now for the last time, I want you out."

But with our 21st century explosion of wireless, Nagourney says “we’re bathed in this type of radiation.”

Nice healthy glow, total mental and physical breakdown, this is an age of miracles.

Once they got their analogue meter back, Lawson said they felt better healthwise. But a 1 ½ years later, Lawson says her symptoms returned.

Let's try to ignore the obvious logic trap.

Now, she is believed to be the first public school teacher in the U.S. granted a health accommodation for electromagnetic hypersensitivity.

Knowing that union, I somehow doubt she's the first.

Over the past three years, Lawson says, she has encountered plenty of doubters, which Nagourney says is too bad.

It is a shame we don't accept these crazy rantings at face value.

"You're not dealing with AT&Tumor..."

“People are of different sensitivities. We know that one person can get a bee sting and nothing happens. Another person goes into anaphylactic shock. It’s the same bee sting. Different reaction,” he said.

You've got to use your imagination a little, here.

“Teaching doesn’t have to involve a device,” she said. “I think that our students unfortunately are the Guinea pigs, and I don’t think that’s right.”

"All right, the wireless net is up. If all the kids die, we'll think about taking it down."

Lawson has started an online petition to get WiFi out of California classrooms.

She is fully aware of the inherent irony of this. 

Komment Korner  

Oh my! Hope she uses latex gloves to handle those cassette tapes that have plastic softeners in them. And a mask for the vapors.

Paranoia and hypochondria are terrible illnesses.

"My brain was moving slower!" That's HILARIOUS!

In double blind tests, people claiming to experience "electromagnetic hypersensitivity" have been proven to be wrong.

Too many cell phone zombies walk out in from of the buses without looking. Then they yell at the bus driver.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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