Friday, November 29, 2013

DotTeeVee: Dating Advice for Men

Do you suffer from social retardation, questionable personal care and a firm belief that the world needs to change and you're fine? Do you expect attractive women to join you on your free-fall into the abyss but can't seem to find any takers? Don't worry, I can help. There's a fifty nine second video that basically says "click here to solve all your problems" while using the female form to insure compliance. Yes, it's time to learn those "weird tricks" we're always being promised and miracle your way out of the self-abuse ditch you're currently digging.

We meet our unnamed host, who resembles an adult novelty doll that has somehow been given the spark of life via some divine hand. She's applied the make-up with a paint brush, is showing considerable torso and is full of disingenuous enthusiasm. I guess the idea was this would attract horny losers to the video, but I can't say it really worked since it has less than 6,000 views, which is about 994,000 less than your typical "semi-attractive girl pretends to share your pathetic, geeky interests" video.

Kelly Bundy Audition Tape #544

Apparently what's being offered is some sort of mental magic that will make "women subconsciously approach you." Sigmund Freud Game for the win! Yes, this is basically a modern update of those "how to get women with hypnosis" books from the back of comic books. On the other hand there's partially exposed breasts, so let's keep watching.

The poor person's Christina Applegate urges us to "click a link" for the "ultimate equalizer." The nice part of this video is all the claims are very realistic. This amazing secret weapon, whatever it is, can defeat mating rivals that are "taller, wealthier, better looking or more confident." I'm envisioning tips on marking territory, making myself appear bigger, performing ceremonial mounting rituals on wealthier men and the like, but our nameless narrator assures us that "Be the alpha male is b.s." 

To summarize: returning to a state of nature and literally becoming an animal is nonsense, while somehow sending mind waves into the wrinkled gray of the honies is sensible, good advice.

My red "power scarf" defeated a 6'11" confident millionaire.

Is it pick up lines? Before you start going on about the mirror in your pocket, the answer is "no." Instead we're going to "reframe" your interactions with fair maidens. Think of yourself as an off-center picture. We're going to fix that.

In other words, we're going to put your "game" into "overdrive." For a moment I thought to myself "Wow, overdrive! I bet all the cool guys are doing this!" then she ruined it all by pointing out that even guys who have never felt the touch of a woman, ever, will reap huge rewards. We get a final appeal to use the awesome power of sub-conscious horny level manipulation for good and not evil and we're done.

"I mascaraed my eyes shut, please help me."

Komment Korner  

I told my friends about this channel. 

one of the best movies ive ever seen 

so happy i saw this video 

Wonder how to attract women from work

It would be great if you can provide a little advice.

Shill Section

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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