We live in an age of miracles. Everything is bigger, and yet, smaller. Computers, man. High school football is great. Then there's the phones, which are successfully eliminating the misery of brief interpersonal communications with human units that share a lot of your genetic material and inhabit the same residential unit. Yes, a simple text message can prevent the need for yelling "Chow's ready!" up stairs or showing any sort of ordinary human warmth toward the offspring you deeply resent. Cat's in the cradle? Naw, sucker. It's in a little glowing screen.
Some will find it depressing. Others will recognise an all-too familiar snapshot of tech-obsessed modern life.
Some will experience an emotional reaction, others are so dead inside that the best we can expect is some grim nodding.
But nearly half of families with children now text each other when they are in the same house.
At first I thought it was because of massive prosperity and everyone living in palatial estates. Then I glanced at so-called "financial news" and that illusion went into a cocked hat.
Just under a third of us (32 per cent) are guilty of tapping out messages on mobiles when we want to talk to someone under the same roof, according to research.
First it was almost half, now almost point three repeating, the outrage is shrinking rapidly, our big reward for actually reading the body of the article.
In a third of households, people use their mobiles during their mealtimes.
Let me get a picture of this noodle caboodle so all those information gathering site "friends" can enjoy it with me!
In fact, tablets and mobiles are so prevalent at home, they are also depriving us of rest.
There is no rest for Angry Birds, until they finally sleep in hell.
Last night campaigners warned the surge in mobile phone usage could be ‘catastrophic’ for family life. Dr Richard House, a psychologist, said: ‘These communication technologies are almost certainly having long-term and possibly dramatic impacts on family life.
That's tragic and all. In other news, I'd bet you a can of Coke that "Dick House, psychologist" is a made-up person.
‘It is potentially catastrophic for the human relational values that underpin family life at its best, with real, face-to-face communication being increasingly displaced and sidelined by the machine.’
I bust out highly jargony and complex answers to questions I'm asked and I'm certainly real so stop wagering sugar water.
The study found that a third of us worry that family members have become ‘lazy’ because they spend too much time playing video games. But whilst these findings would fill many of us with horror, eight out of ten still say that technology has had a positive impact on their lives.
Yeah, so-called "lazy." Tell that to all the citizens of Cyrodill I saved from marauding hell-spawn. My Witch Hunter gained three levels today, I'm certainly accomplishing a lot.
Those who think technology has improved their lives value activities such as online shopping and the ability to stream TV shows on Netflix and the BBC iPlayer.
My passive teevee viewership now has a more technical veneer. My life is better.
Lindsey Rix, of Aviva, said there was evidence that ‘the “always on” culture is making it difficult for people to switch off, and in some cases is causing people to become stressed’.
It's worth it for the current cultural golden age.
She added: ‘Households with children in particular suggest that technology can at times be intrusive, with people communicating via their phones rather than in person, and at inappropriate times such as during family meals.’
It seems pretty crazy, but there's unidentified folks out there who think this.
Not interested in yelling at my kids to come down for dinner.
Now this is complete bull!... What smack!
Why is everyone laying into Lemon Tree
i use it simply to listen to music... nothing sinster
You are living the high life, two malted milk biscuits, luxury
Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.