Saturday, August 13, 2016

News You Can't Use: Weak Economy is Responsible for Rampant Swoleness

Trigger warning: the following deep and thorough analysis of an article from New York's best newspaper contains references to being swole as fark, to the act of mirin' and how we might not all make it. In fact, it's a rather gloomy look at the "fitness" movement and those of us who enjoy creating tissue tears and then healing them with chalky milk-substitutes and pill packs with words like "animal" and "beastosaurus" on them. It appears that a life properly lived might involve more than an eight-pack and doomsday pecs, but thanks to George W. Bush and everything he did ordinary mediocrity is now unattainable so being a glorious jacked-up human derelict will have to suffice.

Poor economies impact countries in a number of detrimental ways including higher rates of poverty, unemployment and chronic disease.

Economies are often based around money, which is a symbolic bartering instrument that can be exchanged for goods and services. In times of so-called "economic trouble" this legal currency is lacking, creating a condition called "flat pocket." This leads to being sick.

Now, a new study shows the bad economy is to blame for another unfortunate trend: the rise of #swoleness.

Taking care of your body: an unfortunate new trend that needs to stop, soon.

Skim through any fitness enthusiast’s Instagram, and you’ll find allusions to being “swole” — or in Herculean shape. 

It seems that the main purpose of this article is failed attempts to "aware" normies about sickening gains and the rock-bottom basics of economics.

Since the 2008 economic crisis, more men have taken to social media to post images of their fit bodies, according to the Journal of Gender Studies report. 

The exciting thing about "Gender Studies" (speaking of unemployment and debt...) is deciding what new novel approach you'll take to vilifying men this week. I mean, look at those disgusting muscles, Becky. They're so large and vascular, gross! Girls only talk to him because he looks like a total bodybuilder. Yuck! He's just so...swole!

The trend, which experts have dubbed “spornosexuality,” reflects men attempting to seek validation through their bodies, instead of more conventional means, such as their work.

Destroying your health in the name of careerism and materialism is an unquestioned good, of course. There is a correct way to live your life and doing insane dead-lifts is clearly not a part of it.

“Austerity has eroded young men’s traditional means of value-creation so they have become increasingly reliant on their bodies as a means of feeling valuable in society,” said study author Jamie Hakim, a professor at the University of East Anglia in the United Kingdom.

Fortunately, I've got this con-game going at some diploma mill and as such don't have to worry bout dat chedda.

“In theoretical terms, so-called ‘spornosexuality’ is an embodied response to material changes brought about by neoliberal austerity.”

I'm using made-up words with multiple syllables so I must be educated, intelligent and full of profound wisdom.

“The rise of men going to the gym and sharing images of their worked-out bodies began around 2008, coinciding with the intensification of neoliberalism that occurred in response to the 2008 economic crash and the following austerity measures,” Hakim said. “This is no coincidence.”

It certainly has nothing to do with the rise of social media that was occurring at exactly the same time. Nope, "neoliberalism" is causing the online beefcake. Whether we can also blame it for tiger selfies remains unknown, I need more government funding.

Based on the research, experts said that fitness junkies will continue to impact capitalism.

Unless The Food Stamp President starts giving out free government proteins and pre-workouts, I would tend to agree.

Get a job, you ridiculously huge muscleman!

“The projection of what constitutes a ‘good life’ has become so spectacular even while the means of achieving home ownership, a prestigious career and a high income are radically diminishing,” Hakim said. 

Society is literally dying before my eyes, but on the other hand look at these traps, broham.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.  

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