News You Can't Use: Weak Economy is Responsible for Rampant Swoleness

Trigger warning: the following deep and thorough analysis of an article from New York's best newspaper contains references to being swole as fark, to the act of mirin' and how we might not all make it. In fact, it's a rather gloomy look at the "fitness" movement and those of us who enjoy creating tissue tears and then healing them with chalky milk-substitutes and pill packs with words like "animal" and "beastosaurus" on them. It appears that a life properly lived might involve more than an eight-pack and doomsday pecs, but thanks to George W. Bush and everything he did ordinary mediocrity is now unattainable so being a glorious jacked-up human derelict will have to suffice.

Poor economies impact countries in a number of detrimental ways including higher rates of poverty, unemployment and chronic disease.

Economies are often based around money, which is a symbolic bartering instrument that can be exchanged for goods and services. In times of so-called "economic trouble" this legal currency is lacking, creating a condition called "flat pocket." This leads to being sick.

Now, a new study shows the bad economy is to blame for another unfortunate trend: the rise of #swoleness.

Taking care of your body: an unfortunate new trend that needs to stop, soon.

Skim through any fitness enthusiast’s Instagram, and you’ll find allusions to being “swole” — or in Herculean shape. 

It seems that the main purpose of this article is failed attempts to "aware" normies about sickening gains and the rock-bottom basics of economics.

Since the 2008 economic crisis, more men have taken to social media to post images of their fit bodies, according to the Journal of Gender Studies report. 

The exciting thing about "Gender Studies" (speaking of unemployment and debt...) is deciding what new novel approach you'll take to vilifying men this week. I mean, look at those disgusting muscles, Becky. They're so large and vascular, gross! Girls only talk to him because he looks like a total bodybuilder. Yuck! He's just so...swole!

The trend, which experts have dubbed “spornosexuality,” reflects men attempting to seek validation through their bodies, instead of more conventional means, such as their work.

Destroying your health in the name of careerism and materialism is an unquestioned good, of course. There is a correct way to live your life and doing insane dead-lifts is clearly not a part of it.

“Austerity has eroded young men’s traditional means of value-creation so they have become increasingly reliant on their bodies as a means of feeling valuable in society,” said study author Jamie Hakim, a professor at the University of East Anglia in the United Kingdom.

Fortunately, I've got this con-game going at some diploma mill and as such don't have to worry bout dat chedda.

“In theoretical terms, so-called ‘spornosexuality’ is an embodied response to material changes brought about by neoliberal austerity.”

I'm using made-up words with multiple syllables so I must be educated, intelligent and full of profound wisdom.

“The rise of men going to the gym and sharing images of their worked-out bodies began around 2008, coinciding with the intensification of neoliberalism that occurred in response to the 2008 economic crash and the following austerity measures,” Hakim said. “This is no coincidence.”

It certainly has nothing to do with the rise of social media that was occurring at exactly the same time. Nope, "neoliberalism" is causing the online beefcake. Whether we can also blame it for tiger selfies remains unknown, I need more government funding.

Based on the research, experts said that fitness junkies will continue to impact capitalism.

Unless The Food Stamp President starts giving out free government proteins and pre-workouts, I would tend to agree.

Get a job, you ridiculously huge muscleman!

“The projection of what constitutes a ‘good life’ has become so spectacular even while the means of achieving home ownership, a prestigious career and a high income are radically diminishing,” Hakim said. 

Society is literally dying before my eyes, but on the other hand look at these traps, broham.

Full Article.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.  

News You Can't Use: California Man Faces 13 Years in Jail for Scribbling Anti-bank Messages in Chalk

Punishing the enemies of a bank as harshly as possible is just another example of the freedoms that our heroes fought for in the Spanish-American war or whatever. You don't want to mess with the bank. Somehow having money also seems to attract powerful friends. I know, pretty unbelievable. These friends include crusading messiah-complex judges who will give more prison time for writing "Goldman Sachs Sux" in chalk then for, say, killing someone.

Jeff Olson, the 40-year-old man who is being prosecuted for scrawling anti-megabank messages on sidewalks in water-soluble chalk last year now faces a 13-year jail sentence.

If I ever formed a rap-heavy metal crossover group I'd call it Megabank, or maybe Blingtallica. Seriously, we need to distinguish between the megabank and that mom-and-pop bank in your small town with one location in the feed store and three figures worth of total assets.

A judge has barred his attorney from mentioning freedom of speech during trial.

A judge has realized he can do anything he wants with little, if any, accountability and is now indulging his sick power fantasies, leaving a trail of ruined lives.

Arrested, given show trial where valid defenses were illegal, sentenced to thirty years.

In addition to possibly spending years in jail, Olson will also be held liable for fines of up to $13,000 over the anti-big-bank slogans that were left using washable children's chalk on a sidewalk outside of three San Diego, California branches of Bank of America, the massive conglomerate that received $45 billion in interest-free loans from the US government in 2008-2009 in a bid to keep it solvent after bad bets went south.

Do we really have to keep bringing up that little "we destroyed the economy and possibly civilization with it" mistake? It's that kind of thinking that leads to chalk-wielding monsters who should be locked away forever. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to take my interest-free loan from the taxpayers and bet it all on "red."

"The State's Vandalism Statute does not mention First Amendment rights," ruled Judge Shore on Tuesday.

A judge truly is a law student who gets to grade his own papers.

Put her in jail!

Upon exiting the courtroom Olson seemed to be in disbelief. "Oh my gosh," he said. "I can't believe this is happening."
 

OMG, megabanks are, like, so creepy LOL. 

"I've never heard that before, that a court can prohibit an argument of First Amendment rights," said Tosdal.

In unrelated news the novel 1984 is now enjoying a resurgence of popularity in the U.S.A.

Olson continued to protest outside of Bank of America. In February 2012, he came across a box of chalk at a local pharmacy and decided to begin leaving his mark with written statements. "I thought it was a perfect way to get my message out there. Much better than handing out leaflets or holding a sign," says Olson.

Best laid plans, mice and men, etc, etc.

Over the course of the next six months Olson visited the Bank of America branch a few days per week, leaving behind scribbled slogans such as "Stop big banks" and "Stop Bank Blight.com."

In fairness that website is primarily concerned with selling pesticides and fertilizers to keep the plants inside the bank as healthy as possible.

According to Olson, who spoke with local broadcaster KGTV, one Bank of America branch claimed it had cost $6,000 to clean up the chalk writing.

...and yet there's still a few cranks who worry that all that bailout money was mismanaged. 

Receive government bail-out of freshly printed worthless fiat currency, collect $45 Billion.

On April 15, Deputy City Attorney Paige Hazard contacted Freeman with a response on his persistent queries. "I wanted to let you know that we will be filing 13 counts of vandalism as a result of the incidents you reported," said Hazard.

On tonight's Megabanks of Hazard: Around about that time them Duke boys were etchin' them bank blight messages on a side walk. Well, the Deputy City Attorney was fixin' to get even. Them boys better hope a judge doesn't get as crazy as a run over possum and ban the first amendment...

Full Story. 

Komment Korner  

He should just be lucky he wasn't in the tea party, would of been tried for 20 years.

Welcome to America the land of slave.

Cause spray paint and chalk are the same lol. Dumbass.

Here is the judge's email: hshore@SanDiego.edu

$6000 to clean up some chalk? gimme a scrubber and a bucket ill take that bid.

Aaron Zehner's first novel The Foolchild Invention is available in e-book format at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.