Wednesday, July 8, 2015

News You Can't Use: Store Owner Accuses Woman Believed to be Ariana Grande of Spitting On, Licking Doughnuts

Talking about bakeries has really been the hot topic lately, there's just something inherently exciting about cakes, six figure fines for the elderly and those long narrow glazed things, whatever you call them. Just when you thought this rich deposit of thick sugary gold was nearing exhaustion we're going to completely flip the script and discuss what happens when the customer is wrong, something I was always assured was impossible during my own smock-wearing days. After all, pop music is all about shocking a stodgy and uptight average person who, simply put, doesn't exist. If the spitting won't do it, well, maybe the licking will.

The Internet is buzzing over reports that pop superstar Ariana Grande was captured on camera licking and spitting on doughnuts at a shop in western Riverside County.

Someone I've never heard of but is allegedly famous is licking the crullers! Drop everything, I've got to get dozens of new hashtags going. #UnsanitaryPopStarBakeryBehavior. #SCARYanaGrande. That sort of thing.

CBS2 obtained its own copy of the video from a source of the incident, which happened Saturday at Wolfee Donut Shop in the Canyon Hills Marketplace in Lake Elsinore. 

Don't ask what we had to do to get it, we're not proud of that.

“She was just like really rude to me,” said Mayra Solis, an employee of shop.

Valley girl stereotype offended by pop diva who acted like a camel, news at eleven.

Solis says she can be seen in the video in a red shirt helping the girl believed to be Grande pick out $5 worth of doughnuts on July 4.

That would be what, six doughnuts? Maybe? Man, the unbelievably decadent lifestyles of the filthy rich superstars. 

“She was just like, ‘I need a doughnut professional,’ and I was just like ‘OK.’ ” Solis said.

Gag me with a spoon, I'm an aspiring actress or Instagram celebrity, not some lame professional doughnut player.

Joe Marin, the owner of the store, says Grande and her male companion are seen doing something nasty to his powdered doughnuts.

Step away from the bear claws and snickerdoodles you sick freaks!

“One of the trays, yeah, she was licking on them and the other trays, she spit on them,” he said.

Studies have scientifically proven that you do not, repeat do not, need to lick it before you kick it. At least when it comes to baked goods that is, I ride the downtown bus like any proper gentleman.

It is hard to make out what really happened on the video, which showed the woman lean down toward the doughnuts and then quickly look at her companion, who also leaned in toward the doughnuts. The girl who appears to be Grande is then seen jumping up and down and laughing.

Every generation gets the Zapruder film it deserves.

Popular culture: glamorous, intellectual, endlessly entertaining.

Marin is concerned those powdered doughnuts Grande was seen hovering over were possibly sold to other customers. 

Yeah, I suppose there's a chance. Time to install a "licked by talentless music industry slag" disposal bucket so this won't happen again.

“If you drop a doughnut, it needs to be in the trash and especially if you spit on it,” he explained.

"If you've got time to lean you've got time to clean!" he then barked at his child employees.

Marin says he filed a report with the Sheriff’s Department.

If there's one crime that will get the attention of the police it's attacking a doughnut shop.

“She licked two of them and she spit two. So that’s four doughnuts,” he said.

Let me check Google on my phone...he's right! You must be some kind of wizard.

Komment Korner  

These are the kinda pukes we put up with. That's why I'm voting Trump!

Was she in The Dixie Chicks or something?

That is one donut shop I would never visit.
You didn't report the rest where she says "I hate America. I hate Americans" to her boyfriend. Why didn't you report that CBS? 

I hope someone is adding this incident to her Wikipedia page.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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