Video Game Slush Pile: Uncharted Waters New Horizons

Last time I did my best to convince you that managing an airline via a gaming system that is now mostly confined to museums is a lot more fun than the latest murder simulator. Today it's back to the Super Nintendo for another forgotten classic. What can I say, I was never made aware of blast processing or how "Sonic's fast!" so I ended up with a SNES. What was lost in tiny spiny mammals of above average speed was more than made up in bizarre role-playing offerings such as our current subject. I was a big fan of "Pirates!" back on the Nintendo, so this seemed like a spiritual successor I'd get right into. Well, not exactly. Playing it again as an adult I can both appreciate the depth and shake my head at some of the more tedious elements that scared me away when I was young and more demanding when it came to electronic sixteenth century ship simulators.

Trade various types of wool! Engage in highly abstracted battles!

Reading the manual (Yes, I read game manuals and even derive enjoyment from said activity. I'm well aware that this makes me the hardcore 0.01% of Old School gamers) suggests that you're getting into a very demanding and gritty historical RPG. It's somewhat jarring when you actually start playing and are faced with various cartoony nonsense. You can choose from six different characters who each have their own storyline and goals, usually wacky stuff like finding lost continents, repaying tea debts and bloody vengeance against the murderers of your lover. All right, maybe that last one is a little less goofy. Either way, the colorful 16-bit presentation lends a certain whimsy to your floating rob/murder/exploit natives operation.

Let's be very clear: they are two different men.

Depending on your character choice you'll be pushed toward either exploration, trade or piracy and the game keeps track of your success in all three of these areas. This means you can treat the game as a sand box and just ignore whatever quest you're supposed to be doing, although it's definitely easier to just do what the game wants you to do. Exploration was my favorite type of game. The combat just didn't seem very engaging and trade is just mind numbing once you figure out a few good routes and have to repeat them over and over to gain gold. Adding insult to injury the character that's supposed to trade takes a bunch of loans where he promises to pay back 1000% returns on the initial investments. Maybe business isn't really his thing after all. Or totally is, if he pulls an ENRON.

Take one lousy galleon and everyone gets all pissy.

Exploring earns money either by discovering monuments, cultural items and exotic animals and returning the finds to a wealthy patron or mapping the world for a cartographer. There's a large and reasonably accurate map of the world to explore and it's fun to see what you'll uncover next. Once you get back home you can wow local cocktail waitresses with your amazing tales of adventure. Sadly, these women are firmly from the four magic phrases school of communication and also think it's socially acceptable to respond to a story of a penguin encounter with "Did it bite you?" No, but you can.

Wait until you see some of the "interesting plants" I've got back at my place.

Various storyline elements trigger as you gain fame and open up more opportunities. You might even get to meet with a ruler (they're all autocratic jerks, even the ones from Republics) and earn a royal title by appeasing the whims of inbred European nobility. The game keeps track of your "friendship" with the major nations and even let's you defect to another unlikable crowned head, an act that will probably make the game unwinnable for most characters.  

That's another somewhat surprising game element: some choices can totally ruin things. For example, I tried to low ball the price of a ship and the merchant was so offended he wouldn't deal with me again. On the plus side, you can invest in ports and grow their industry, even winning neutrals over to your nation. Money talks, let me put this Spanish flag up, etc.

Sounds awfully familiar.

The game had some "controversial" elements that, in typical wussy Nintendo fashion, were toned down (Gray blood, yay!). The churches were changed into the bizarre "Round Earth Society" and taverns are "cafes" where you might eat too much food and get a belly ache. It's gutless, but hardly surprising. We don't want completely marginal groups getting offended and creating massive free publicity, after all.

 

Charging backward with its brightly colored rear...so much like a human.

I still haven't beaten this game, although I'm pretty far into it. After I finish the exploration character I've been playing as I might try some piracy one more time, but selecting a ship and watching numbers go down isn't as awesome as it sounds. Don't even get me started on the dueling card game. It makes one long for the massive strategic depth of "War."

Graphics: Pretty standard 16 bit stuff, not even any token Mode Seven effects. A lot of the characters look like elves for some reason. The ships look like ships. Probably a bit below average, over all.

Control: Sailing the ship is easy and you can even use "auto sail" to cut out the tedium that even the game manual admits can easily crop up. The menus are a little confusing at first, but for the most part are decent. Combat is a turn-based abstraction, so nothing to say about that.

Depth: There's a lot of opportunities to dig deep into the game's economic engine, but that basic game play is actually pretty shallow, relatively speaking. It can really turn into a grind, although you're free to try something new at any time. Things like national loyalties and the individual wealth of ports are a lot less pressing when you're just playing an individual instead of running a country.

Overall: I didn't fall off the edge of the world.

 ...who are two different people.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

Video Game Slush Pile: Aerobiz Supersonic

It's been seven months, I think it's time for another one these. Besides, today's slush pile represents everything that is right and pure about this concept. I'm talking about a rather obscure game that just so happens to be a lot of fun once you clear the initial hurdles of "bidding for slots is a major game element" and "you don't get to shoot nuffin'." The concept is tight, the historical realism is on point and the music is 16 bit bliss. How did this one end up at the bottom of a box?

For whatever reason I was both deeply into strategy games but largely lacking in the patience required to be successful in them when I was younger. Today, as a biological singularity that resembles a cross between James Bond and the guy from Altered Beast after two upgrades, I've learned to pay the dues necessary for fictional air line success. This slush pile is all about that amazing, feel-good story of the rite of passage that occurs when you learn that the fuel economy and repair needs of an imaginary jet plane matter more than whether or not its name and general shape are appealing to the eye.
 

"Can't wait to start leading my airline, bro!"

Before we actually start talking about the glory that was air travel before our schizophrenic war on evildoers began, there's one other point that needs to be made. I always thought it was strange that strategy games, especially ones that travel far afield from army builders, tend to be dismissed as having "limited appeal" while the unspoken corollary to this is that everyone loves the  newest "save often!" first person shooter mess. Then I discovered that game reviewers are more corrupt than a Moldovan parliament and pretty much got over it, but I just want to say that this myth needs to die, along with the tendency to mock something like Aerobiz to score points with some ill-formed mainstream. Bidding for slots is awesome, anyone who says otherwise is either hopelessly deluded or wicked.

Yes, bidding for slots. A significant portion of this game is spent in that activity, since you need to establish profitable routes around the world and this is done by negotiating for rights. You send one of your four "corporate warriors" out to do the dirty work. There's a surprising amount of depth here, as your corporate home base and world events will influence this activity or make it just plain impossible. For example, during the Cold War era don't expect your capitalist oppressors to be warmly received behind the Iron Curtain or vice versa. Your nationality will also effect what planes you can buy and how willing customers will be to fly on your airline. Definitely something to think about before you set up "Air Iran."

 Scowling Lady Liberty says "Hit the bricks."

Luckily it is possible to mend fences between competing ideologies by performing charitable tasks for international representatives that apparently can't tell the difference between private industry and government foreign aid. If you help these hat-in-hand sad sacks you're rewarded with improved relations. Yes, this means that if Pravda Airlines helps restore runways in Atlanta this token gesture will bring an end to decades of conflict and probably save millions of lives. Who knew that patching up tarmac in Hotlanta or Minsk could succeed where ping pong and Olympic boycotts failed. "As I was laying that tar, you started to change. And if you can change, we all can change."

Or really easy, depending on how you want to look at it.

In addition to such corporate diplomacy, various other historical events occur, ranging from wars, oil shortages, the Olympic games and revolutions. It gives the game a sense of immersion that you wouldn't expect from something released in Japan under the incredibly catchy name "Air Management." There's also random events, including tourism booms, bad weather and worker strikes. 

Experts are worried that it might tip over.

You can play in four different eras, including the amazing "future" of 2000-2020. The middle two scenarios are the most entertaining, since the early scenario finds you mostly using prop planes instead of the jets you're supposed to switch to and the speculative scenario centers on the gimmick of supersonic flight, as impractical in this game as it was in real life. I give the designers a lot of credit for conceding this, especially with "supersonic" in the title. A wonderful future of sonic booms just isn't in the cards, sorry. 

How do you win? In many ways you win the moment the game starts, since you've been promoted to CEO. Sure, the airline might fail, but you're certainly lining your own pockets, so who cares, right? Well, if you do care, you must become the #1 airline in a set number of regions, beating out three opponents. While this is the goal, it's somewhat misleading, since the big money is made by flying between regions and you'll need that steady profit to eventually dominate the shorter flights. Each scenario gives you twenty years to meet this victory condition. Sadly there is no sandbox "play forever" mode, but the limited scope lends urgency.

The game also lets you purchase businesses, hold riveting board meetings (Yes, I would like to direct the topics!) set various budgets and indulge all your non-sexual airplane fantasies. Yes, you too can ask the opinions of your underlings and then perform a complete emotional meltdown after hearing their lame advice. Then it's back to getting those slots or solving all the world's problems.

We're making mad Golden Ring Rubles.

I was able to beat this game fairly reliably on harder difficulties when based out of New York, London or a similar desirable hub. My current goal is to win the game as a Moscow airline in one the cold war scenarios, but so far haven't been able to do it. Again, can't fault that realism. 

Graphics: You mostly look at a map. It looks a lot like a map. There's also a goofy Mode Seven opening and a take-off sequence that plays when you start a new route, but this one is not about the visuals. 

Control: Once you figure out the goofy symbols, the interface is easy to use. This one would probably work better with a mouse, but the controller works well enough. 

Depth: It's a strategy game, so there's plenty. You get control over many aspects of your airline and can make adjustments to ticket prices, number of flights and what planes to use on individual flights. There's five difficulty settings, four players could play at once if you could somehow engineer an Aerobiz party and you can even watch the computer play itself. There are numerous hub cities to select as your headquarters and the game can change a lot based on this selection. The historical and speculative events are well done and the cities and planes seem accurate.

Overall: Please send me to bid for slots. I'm so ready!

Check Out My Books!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read free excerpts here and here.

His first novel "The Foolchild Invention" is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

DotTeeVee: Parents Upset Over New Nintendo Console - Super Nintendo - Circa 1991

Are video games destroying lives? In 1991 the answer to that was "yeah, probably" as opposed to the "yes, definitely" of today. As the technology made another big jump forward from the rather basic Eighties games the world changed, perhaps irrevocably. Who better to document this tumultuous time in the history of something that really doesn't matter than local news reporters?

"Have things gone too far?" is the question we'll be addressing. Is "Pilotwings" creating a generation that will forsake wage and marriage slavery to obsess over gliders? Could the castrated SNES version of Mortal Kombat lead to real life crime? We better start with a therapist.

Yes, group therapy for Super Mario codependency. The therapist actually has the balls to ask "does this really have to cost this much" in reference to the games. Keep in mind she's probably charging each family $100 an hour and they don't even get a private session, instead having to air Johnny's embarrassing inability to beat Mario without warping despite near constant play to a bunch of equally troubled strangers. Our counselor suggests getting angry at "The Manufacturer" because assigning blame to outside agencies is always the first step to addiction recovery. Meanwhile a younger version of one half of Kid 'N' Play dominates the shot.

"You ain't going to no stinking (video game) party!"

The voice-over grinds in additional indignity, calling the victims "Nintenpendent." I'm sure they came up with that after hours of brainstorming, beating out other strong contenders like "Nintendopeheads" and "Junkies For Eight Bit Smack." Sadly this is the end of the therapy session so I can't give you much more help with your joystick problem, other than blaming capitalism, of course.

One woman suggests "peer pressure" is part of the issue. "You want to try some Bayou Billy, kid? Come on, all your friends are doing it."

We move on, suggesting that the number of vidiots in therapy and insane asylums will only increase with the new "Super Nintendo," priced at a staggering $200. Yes, kids, there was a time when two Franklins was considered an obscene sum to pay for a toy that hooks up to the moron box. Still, there will be "better pictures" or so we are told. 

The next generation of "picture" technology.

We have now reached the painful moment where the uncool, goofy news reporter actually tries to play these so-called "electric games." Making it less, or arguably more, painful is the fact that the magic of television shrinks down the reporter so it appears he's actually in the game! Naturally, he sucks at it.

Learn to play, newb.

We get the expected "I'm over 30 so am completely unable to adapt to any new or novel situation" complete with ironic remarks about "watching the road." He runs in reverse for awhile, which suggests an ignorance that runs deeper than unfamiliarity with electronic recreation. Has this guy ever seen a race? It really isn't that complicated.

We try a jump, but lacking the skill of a "nine or ten year-old" he promptly crashes. Game over, man.

"Tell my wife I love her."

Apparently there are resistors to this new era of "it was good for the time, but didn't age well" gaming. A woman explains that she'll tell her child that marketing is used to make you want things you don't need so they can get your money. Actual good advice without bombastic fear-mongering or finger-pointing? Hopefully this never catches on or everything our society is built on will come crashing down.

We finish by noting there's also something out there called "Sega," but I doubt they'll ever amount to much, even if some people prefer their "pictures." Yes, he says pictures again. I understand the average television viewer is unlikely to start the next scientific golden age, but do they really need to have everything explained in the simplest, most patronizing terms? It's not like we've got people putting kids into expensive and obviously worthless therapy for a harmless hobby...you know what, never mind.

The obligatory "Pac Man" reference and we're done.

Komment Korner

these parents did a lot of LSD in the 60s and they thought their kids were addicts

What a fucking joke, dont buy your kids the shit or better yet make them play outside.

Because Chrono Trigger's powerful storyline and smooth gameplay was specifically designed to make you spend money. Thank you, corny news corporation thingy. 

Lol yeah that was funny. He got owned.

Video mania? What about " Hair Mania" ??

Aaron Zehner's first novel The Foolchild Invention is available in e-book format at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.