I've clearly won the battle against internet addiction, at least if my recent run of posting here is any indication (let's pretend it actually is and I don't spend hundreds of hours watching sovereign citizen and weightlifting battle videos). Not everyone is winning this battle over themselves, however. As evidenced by the legions of millennial human derelicts mercilessly bashing the candle in church parking lots with the aid of a tiny glowing screen, we've still got big problems. Fortunately expensive and humiliating "rehab" has been developed and we should soon see the end of electronic onanism in much the same way as the drug "fad" was completely defeated last decade.
By the time Marshall Carpenter’s father broke down the barricaded door of his son’s apartment and physically ripped him away from his electronic devices, the 25-year-old was in a bad way.
"I'm coming son!" *kicks in door* Here's the product of my loins, covered in Mountain Dew and other far less wholesome fluids, entering hour 79 of a Wikipedia editing marathon.
“I was playing video games 14 or 15 hours a day, I had Netflix on a loop in the background, and any time there was the tiniest break in any of that, I would be playing a game on my phone or sending lonely texts to ex-girlfriends,” Carpenter says.
Horny as hell here, please send help. Well, back to pretending to be an elf. Here, let me turn on the Republican villain fantasy hour. Hey, flappy birds! Then it all collapsed, believe it or not.
We are sitting in a small, plain apartment in a nondescript condo complex in Redmond, Washington, on the outskirts of Seattle. Marshall shares the apartment with other men in their 20s, all of whom have recently emerged from a unique internet addiction rehab program called reSTART Life.
A program of physical culture, speaking only when spoken to, constant ridicule, wall-scaling and making sure the first and last words out of your sewer are "sir" should turn around the Generation with No Chest and get them back to serving proudly as important barcodes within the corporate grid.
“I was basically living on Dr Pepper, which is packed with caffeine and sugar."
Just in case you got confused by the name and thought it was a healthy prescription supplement, I guess.
"I would get weak from not eating but I would only notice it when I got so shaky I stopped being able to think and play well,” he adds.
All those "Game Overs" and "Restart from last checkpoint" were actually trying to warn me that I was slowly killing myself.
His new friends Charlie and Peter nod sagely. Charlie Bracke, 28, was suicidal and had lost his job when he realized his online gaming was totally out of control. He can’t remember a time in his life before he was not playing video games of some kind: he reckons he began when he was about four and was addicted by the age of nine.
The first game of Miss Pac-Man is free. Then see who comes back for more. Then I start charging.
For Peter, 31, who preferred to withhold his last name, the low came when he had been homeless for six months and was living in his car.
Time to plug the computer into the lighter port and keep on saving those fantasy worlds.
“I would stay in church parking lots and put sunshades up on the windows and spend all day in my car on my tablet device,” he says. He was addicted to internet porn, masturbating six to 10 times a day, to the point where he was bleeding but would continue.
What the hell? Yuck.
When he wasn’t doing that, he was so immersed in the fantasy battle game World of Warcraft that in his mind, he was no longer a person sitting at a screen, but an avatar: the bold dwarvish hero Tarokalas, “shooting guns and assassinating the enemy” as he ran through a Tolkien-esque virtual realm.
This subscription vidiot game is just like a complex and heavily layered Christian allegory. Welp, time to bash the bishop for the tenth time today.
And when he wasn’t doing that, he would read online news reports obsessively and exercise his political opinions and a hair-trigger temper in the comment section of The Economist, projecting himself pseudonymously as a swaggering blogger-cum-troll.
Maybe "cum-troll" wasn't the best word choice in light of some other details we were given.
“I was a virgin until I was 29. Then I had sex with a lap dancer at a strip club. That’s something I never thought I would do,” he says.
This is actually marginally less pathetic than the rest of your story, but who am I to decide what your own personal rock bottom is.
After completing the initial $25,000, 45-day residential stage at the main “campus” a few miles away, clients move into the cheaper, off-site secondary phase.
How a guy that was homeless and had destroyed his own genitals via the solitary vice was able to afford this remains a mystery. Special government scholarship programs?
Here they get to share a normal apartment, on the condition that they continue with psychotherapy, attend Alcoholics Anonymous-style 12-step meetings, search for work and avoid the internet for a minimum of six months.
You're not allowed on the internet. Good luck with your job search.
Mostly they carry only flip phones and have to go to the library when they want to check email.
Think of it as technological methadone.
“I’m taking my life in six-month chunks at this stage. So far I haven’t relapsed into gaming and I’m feeling optimistic,” says Bracke.
Take it six months all at once, great advice for any addict.
Full Article.
Showing posts with label Therapy for Video Game Addicts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Therapy for Video Game Addicts. Show all posts
Saturday, June 17, 2017
Friday, July 12, 2013
DotTeeVee: Parents Upset Over New Nintendo Console - Super Nintendo - Circa 1991
Are video games destroying lives? In 1991 the answer to that was "yeah, probably" as opposed to the "yes, definitely" of today. As the technology made another big jump forward from the rather basic Eighties games the world changed, perhaps irrevocably. Who better to document this tumultuous time in the history of something that really doesn't matter than local news reporters?
"Have things gone too far?" is the question we'll be addressing. Is "Pilotwings" creating a generation that will forsake wage and marriage slavery to obsess over gliders? Could the castrated SNES version of Mortal Kombat lead to real life crime? We better start with a therapist.
Yes, group therapy for Super Mario codependency. The therapist actually has the balls to ask "does this really have to cost this much" in reference to the games. Keep in mind she's probably charging each family $100 an hour and they don't even get a private session, instead having to air Johnny's embarrassing inability to beat Mario without warping despite near constant play to a bunch of equally troubled strangers. Our counselor suggests getting angry at "The Manufacturer" because assigning blame to outside agencies is always the first step to addiction recovery. Meanwhile a younger version of one half of Kid 'N' Play dominates the shot.
The voice-over grinds in additional indignity, calling the victims "Nintenpendent." I'm sure they came up with that after hours of brainstorming, beating out other strong contenders like "Nintendopeheads" and "Junkies For Eight Bit Smack." Sadly this is the end of the therapy session so I can't give you much more help with your joystick problem, other than blaming capitalism, of course.
One woman suggests "peer pressure" is part of the issue. "You want to try some Bayou Billy, kid? Come on, all your friends are doing it."
We have now reached the painful moment where the uncool, goofy news reporter actually tries to play these so-called "electric games." Making it less, or arguably more, painful is the fact that the magic of television shrinks down the reporter so it appears he's actually in the game! Naturally, he sucks at it.
We get the expected "I'm over 30 so am completely unable to adapt to any new or novel situation" complete with ironic remarks about "watching the road." He runs in reverse for awhile, which suggests an ignorance that runs deeper than unfamiliarity with electronic recreation. Has this guy ever seen a race? It really isn't that complicated.
Apparently there are resistors to this new era of "it was good for the time, but didn't age well" gaming. A woman explains that she'll tell her child that marketing is used to make you want things you don't need so they can get your money. Actual good advice without bombastic fear-mongering or finger-pointing? Hopefully this never catches on or everything our society is built on will come crashing down.
We finish by noting there's also something out there called "Sega," but I doubt they'll ever amount to much, even if some people prefer their "pictures." Yes, he says pictures again. I understand the average television viewer is unlikely to start the next scientific golden age, but do they really need to have everything explained in the simplest, most patronizing terms? It's not like we've got people putting kids into expensive and obviously worthless therapy for a harmless hobby...you know what, never mind.
Komment Korner
these parents did a lot of LSD in the 60s and they thought their kids were addicts
What a fucking joke, dont buy your kids the shit or better yet make them play outside.
Because Chrono Trigger's powerful storyline and smooth gameplay was specifically designed to make you spend money. Thank you, corny news corporation thingy.
Lol yeah that was funny. He got owned.
Video mania? What about " Hair Mania" ??
Aaron Zehner's first novel The Foolchild Invention is available in e-book format at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.
"Have things gone too far?" is the question we'll be addressing. Is "Pilotwings" creating a generation that will forsake wage and marriage slavery to obsess over gliders? Could the castrated SNES version of Mortal Kombat lead to real life crime? We better start with a therapist.
Yes, group therapy for Super Mario codependency. The therapist actually has the balls to ask "does this really have to cost this much" in reference to the games. Keep in mind she's probably charging each family $100 an hour and they don't even get a private session, instead having to air Johnny's embarrassing inability to beat Mario without warping despite near constant play to a bunch of equally troubled strangers. Our counselor suggests getting angry at "The Manufacturer" because assigning blame to outside agencies is always the first step to addiction recovery. Meanwhile a younger version of one half of Kid 'N' Play dominates the shot.
"You ain't going to no stinking (video game) party!"
The voice-over grinds in additional indignity, calling the victims "Nintenpendent." I'm sure they came up with that after hours of brainstorming, beating out other strong contenders like "Nintendopeheads" and "Junkies For Eight Bit Smack." Sadly this is the end of the therapy session so I can't give you much more help with your joystick problem, other than blaming capitalism, of course.
One woman suggests "peer pressure" is part of the issue. "You want to try some Bayou Billy, kid? Come on, all your friends are doing it."
We move on, suggesting that the number of vidiots in therapy and insane asylums will only increase with the new "Super Nintendo," priced at a staggering $200. Yes, kids, there was a time when two Franklins was considered an obscene sum to pay for a toy that hooks up to the moron box. Still, there will be "better pictures" or so we are told.
The next generation of "picture" technology.
We have now reached the painful moment where the uncool, goofy news reporter actually tries to play these so-called "electric games." Making it less, or arguably more, painful is the fact that the magic of television shrinks down the reporter so it appears he's actually in the game! Naturally, he sucks at it.
Learn to play, newb.
We get the expected "I'm over 30 so am completely unable to adapt to any new or novel situation" complete with ironic remarks about "watching the road." He runs in reverse for awhile, which suggests an ignorance that runs deeper than unfamiliarity with electronic recreation. Has this guy ever seen a race? It really isn't that complicated.
We try a jump, but lacking the skill of a "nine or ten year-old" he promptly crashes. Game over, man.
"Tell my wife I love her."
Apparently there are resistors to this new era of "it was good for the time, but didn't age well" gaming. A woman explains that she'll tell her child that marketing is used to make you want things you don't need so they can get your money. Actual good advice without bombastic fear-mongering or finger-pointing? Hopefully this never catches on or everything our society is built on will come crashing down.
We finish by noting there's also something out there called "Sega," but I doubt they'll ever amount to much, even if some people prefer their "pictures." Yes, he says pictures again. I understand the average television viewer is unlikely to start the next scientific golden age, but do they really need to have everything explained in the simplest, most patronizing terms? It's not like we've got people putting kids into expensive and obviously worthless therapy for a harmless hobby...you know what, never mind.
The obligatory "Pac Man" reference and we're done.
these parents did a lot of LSD in the 60s and they thought their kids were addicts
What a fucking joke, dont buy your kids the shit or better yet make them play outside.
Because Chrono Trigger's powerful storyline and smooth gameplay was specifically designed to make you spend money. Thank you, corny news corporation thingy.
Lol yeah that was funny. He got owned.
Video mania? What about " Hair Mania" ??
Aaron Zehner's first novel The Foolchild Invention is available in e-book format at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.
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