Civilization V Countdown: #10 Assyria

Over the next several days I'll be ranking my ten favorite civilizations from Civilization 5. They are not necessary chosen for being especially unique or powerful, but I like them for whatever reason. It's all opinion, but it is the correct opinion, clearly.

Why is Assyria #10?

I've always been fascinated with the fertile crescent and the ancient civilizations of that general region (more on this when we get to Babylon, major spoiler). I love the aesthetics, the actual game bonuses not so much, which is why they're not ranked higher. Ashurbanipal is jacked, bloodthirsty and a literary gentleman, a combination you don't see nearly enough in either fiction or history. How can you not root for a cultured villain from the bronze age? As far as actual crunch, the siege tower absolutely mauls enemy cities and the Royal Library can hold literary works that grant an experience boost to soldiers trained in that city, because knowledge is power. You can also take technologies by conquest, a fun throwback to the early games of the series. I'd probably be more excited if I wasn't a peaceful builder at heart, but if you're going to be a force of evil and chaos you should at least look good while doing it and maybe horde books to make your armies even deadlier. As usual, the romantic needs no explanation and the cynic won't be satisfied by any, no matter how carefully crafted.

Loves books, bench presses 315, massacres indiscriminately.

Most Memorable Game as Assyria?  

I was still learning the game, but wanted to try out this whole "war" mechanic to see if it could be fun. Soon I'd taken over two city states and destroyed Germany, wielding my siege towers with all the care and discretion of a child who finds a gun in a sock drawer. I wasn't really getting that there is a diplomatic and economic drawback to killing anything that moves. After the glorious early conquests my happiness was low enough to cause revolts and my neighbors Denmark and Sweden both declared war. This led to a seemingly endless conflict where they were both throwing alternating invasion waves at a frontier city, while I converted two generals into citadels and still struggled on defense, what with the massive discontent due to a lack of zoos and the like.

After hundreds of years of constant warfare I was finally able to turn the tide and eventually force a bitter peace after taking a few more cities, while still playing wack-a-mole with rebel scum, as if this was a Paradox game or something. For awhile it looked like I was going to lose the game on Prince level, something that, strictly speaking, should be impossible. Luckily I was able to eek out a victory on points after the final time, recording the lowest score of any victory to this day.

Nice city you got there. Would be a shame if this thing crashed into it over and over.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here. 

Civilization V Pantheon Rankings

With Civilization 6 due out in about a month I'm going to be celebrating one of my favorite strategy games with some tier lists, a Top Ten civilization countdown and maybe some other fun stuff (most calming Civ colors, leaders ranked by how jacked they are, who knows). Will six be any good? Well, we're going to have mobile app-tier graphics, the return of Unit Stacks of Doom, exciting "innovations" no one asked for (Now they're called "Builders. Oh wow!). Trust me, that abortion of a video would be a DotTeeVee if it was shorter and I could control my gag reflex while watching it. So the answer to the hypothetical is probably "No, or at least not until it's been fixed with mods and expensive add-on packs." With that in mind, let's take a long hard look at five, which was the best in the series in humble and correct opinion.

To grade the pantheons I'm assuming the relevant terrain/luxury is present, but I will be taking into account the relative scarcities (Marble doesn't spawn in clusters, for example) as well as the set-up time involved to gain the bonus. Everything is graded A to F and there is no grade inflation. A "C" is solid but unspectacular, in other words, not a failing grade where your Panama City spring trip plans get cancelled. With that in mind, let's get going.

Ancestor Worship: +1 Culture from Shrines. This is pretty lackluster, in most games you're only going to have a few shrines when you get this and the bonus is too small to matter much later in the game. Since this won't help you get a religion you're also likely to lose it by then, although you probably won't even notice when you do. Grade: D

Dance of the Aurora: +1 Faith from Tundra tiles without forest. If you're unlucky enough to be surrounded by tundra...well, there are probably still better choices. This will help you get a religion, but at the expense of having to work tiles that are absolute garbage, especially early in the game. This one actually gets better later on when you can at least build trading posts, so at least there's that. The fact that this doesn't work on forest tundra, squares that are likely to have deer and thus not be worthless, is one final insult. Grade: D

Desert Folklore: +1 Faith from Desert tiles. There's reasons why a desert start is considered desirable and this very powerful pantheon is one of them. Unlike Dance of the Aurora it works on all desert tiles, including flood plains and oasis (That is the correct plural, right? Oasises? Oasisi?). The upshot is a large increase in faith generation and a chance to get a strong religion. Later in the game you might be able to build Petra and make this one even stronger. Grade: A

Earth Mother: +1 Faith from Copper, Iron and Salt. Tiles that are already very desirable now generate faith,  it's hard to find fault in that. Especially nice if you have salt, which is arguably the game's best luxury. I wouldn't hesitate to take it if the relevant resources are there. Grade: A

Faith Healers: +30 HP healed in adjacent to a friendly city. Sounds bad, is bad. You're not only giving up some very nice early boosts to take a pantheon that's only useful when you're in defensive wars, but the bonus itself isn't even all that great. To get the healing the unit can't take any action, making its worth as a defender very passive indeed. I could see how this might have highly situational use, but you're giving up way too much for a bonus that only activates when you're getting your lunch eaten. Grade: F

Fertility Rites: 10% bonus to surplus food. When the effect is correctly stated, as it just was, it's clear this one is deceptively awful. The promise of early growth is definitely enticing, but you're unlikely to get even a full unit of food from this. Grade: F

God of Craftsmen: +1 Production in cities with 3 or more population. This is yet another choice that sounds good on paper, but has a minimal impact on the game once it's chosen. Compare it to God-King, which gives +1 production and many other bonuses, God of the Sea which could generate many hammers in the right city or even Monuments to the Gods and it's clear this one is a pretty under-performing choice. Grade: D

God of the Open Sky: +1 Culture from Pastures. This is a nice culture boost early on tiles that would be worked anyways. On the down side, you'll have to actually build those pastures, which is time-consuming but would probably be among your first worker projects anyway. Overall, this is a very nice bonus in the early game, but loses some points for the set-up and the fact that it won't help you get a religion and as such is likely to be lost. Grade: B

God of the Sea: Definitely better than God of Craftsmen, but still not what I'd consider a top-tier choice. It can give a nice production boost, but is somewhat set-up intensive. Work boats are surprisingly expensive early on and there's often more pressing concerns to build. Once it's up and running it's a strong bonus, especially with a lighthouse in the city, but expect to lose it unless you gain a religion via natural wonders, world wonders or building lots of shrines and temples. Grade: C

God of War: Gain Faith for destroying units within four tiles of your cities. Much like trying to use the honor tree to generate a steady flow of culture, but even weaker. You'll need to fighting within your borders, something that shouldn't be happening if you're a serious war-monger and is likely to spell your ruin if you're not. It is marginally better than the other combat-oriented choices, but is still no prize. Grade: D

Goddess of Festivals: +1 Culture and Faith from Wine and Incense. On the plus side no special set-up is required other than working the relevant tiles. On the downside these are tiles that shouldn't be prioritized in the early game due to their lack of production and food. Overall this is pretty middle of the road. Grade: C

Goddess of Love: +1 Happiness in each city with a population of 6 or more. This provides a small boost in happiness, but only in larger cities. In other words, it's not going to solve those happiness problems, although at least it's something. Grade: D

Goddess of Protection: +30% to City's ranged attack strength. This is even worse than Faith Healers. A stronger one-shot per turn ranged attack won't save you if you're being overwhelmed and won't matter if your defense it strong. It would be interesting to try to pair this with the Red Fort and Their Finest Hour from the Liberty ideology to create insane city strengths, but let's be real, why would you even pick it? Grade: F

Goddess of the Hunt: +1 Food from camps. A nice early game food boost, one that actually makes a difference, unlike Fertility Rites. On the down side camps require Trapping, which is a second-tier improvement, so it will take time to get this bonus online. This makes this one a little weaker than Sun God, the strongest of the growth pantheons. Grade: B

God-King: +1 Science, Culture, Faith, Gold and Production in the Capital. Several small advantages are given and they activate right away without any need for constructing improvements, specific technologies or assigning citizens. This is the strength of God-King, but also the weakness since what you get is relatively minor compared to the stronger pantheon choices. I would take this as a consolation prize if what I really wanted was already gone. Grade: C

Messenger of the Gods: +2 Science in cities with a city connection. It's Science (!) so it's automatically good, right? Well, not really. The time to get your extra science is the major downfall, you need to research roads and then build them, as well as have enough cities built to gain the benefits. Maybe use Carthage's free harbors? Yeah, maybe. In most cases by the time you're getting this bonus it doesn't lend a huge advantage and you're about to lose it because you don't have a religion. Grade: D

Monument to the Gods: +15% production on Ancient/Classical wonders. On the highest difficulties this one is almost worthless for world wonders, although the bonus on national wonders is still nice. If you're playing on King or lower, this is probably a more reasonable choice and it does stack with Aristocracy from Tradition, the Marble bonus and Egypt's ability. Build the Pyramids in one turn? Not going to happen, but could be nice under the right circumstances. Grade: C

One with Nature: +4 Faith from Natural Wonders. A nice faith boost that activates immediately if you're working a natural wonder. If said wonder also offers faith, you're all but assured a strong religion. If the natural wonder is Grand Mesa or the Barringer Crater, this one might not be as attractive. Keep in mind that if you playing as Spain the faith from this is doubled, creating an insane 24 faith per turn if you're lucky enough to have Mt. Sinai. This one will be affected by the value of the natural wonder in question and it's unlikely you'll have more than one in your early empire, but it has the potential to be extremely strong. Grade: A

Oral Tradition: +1 Culture from Plantations. Another nice early culture boost, with the notable disadvantage that you need to build plantations first. It's worth noting that in many cases it's actually more desirable not to build a plantation, especially if you want to keep jungle tiles for science later on. This is the major failing of an otherwise nice pantheon. Grade: C

Religious Idols: +1 Faith and Culture from Gold and Silver. No set-up required and one of the rare choices that provides both faith and culture. On the downside Gold tends to spawn singularly rather than in clusters and you're going to need to get food for the city from some other source to enjoy the bonus. Once those issues are dealt with, this is a good choice. Grade: B

Religious Settlements: +15% faster border growth. Another choice that sounds useful and really isn't. The percentage boost is too small to make much of a difference, simply stated. If you went Tradition you probably won't even notice the effects and you get no boost to faith, culture or anything else, just marginally faster access to tiles that you could just buy or go Tradition to get. Grade: D

Sacred Path: +1 Culture from Jungle tiles. The good news is this also applies to tiles with special resources and you don't have to build any improvements. The bad news is that jungle tiles aren't desirable early on. A pretty mixed bag. Grade: C

Sacred Waters: +1 happiness from cities on rivers. Like Goddess of Love this provides a small boost to overall happiness. This time you need to build cities on rivers, something that realistically is not always going to possible and even if it were you're not getting a huge boost. I consider this one slightly better than Goddess of Love, but both are sub-par compared to other options. Grade: D

Stone Circles: +2 Faith from Quarries. This is a nice boost and stone/marble are very desirable tiles. Unfortunately, masonry is a second-tier technology and then the quarries must be built, so it's going to take time to start reaping the rewards, time that you can ill-afford if you're racing for a religion. This drawback is significant, along with the relative scarcity of marble, but overall this one is pretty decent in spite of these limitations. Grade: B

Sun God: +1 Food from Bananas, Citrus and Wheat. The best choice for early growth. This goes into effect immediately and once combined with farms and granaries it's possible to gain the equivalent boost of building the Hanging Gardens. This is the best non-faith pantheon. Grade: A

Tears of the Gods: +2 Faith from Gems and Pearls. The other +2 faith pantheon can be activated immediately and as such is potentially stronger. The tiles won't be as productive as quarries, however. Still, if the relevant luxuries are present there's no reason not to take this. Grade: B

  
Thanks for reading, stay tuned for more Civilization 5 goodness in the coming days!  


Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here. 

Video Game Slush Pile: Aerobiz Supersonic

It's been seven months, I think it's time for another one these. Besides, today's slush pile represents everything that is right and pure about this concept. I'm talking about a rather obscure game that just so happens to be a lot of fun once you clear the initial hurdles of "bidding for slots is a major game element" and "you don't get to shoot nuffin'." The concept is tight, the historical realism is on point and the music is 16 bit bliss. How did this one end up at the bottom of a box?

For whatever reason I was both deeply into strategy games but largely lacking in the patience required to be successful in them when I was younger. Today, as a biological singularity that resembles a cross between James Bond and the guy from Altered Beast after two upgrades, I've learned to pay the dues necessary for fictional air line success. This slush pile is all about that amazing, feel-good story of the rite of passage that occurs when you learn that the fuel economy and repair needs of an imaginary jet plane matter more than whether or not its name and general shape are appealing to the eye.
 

"Can't wait to start leading my airline, bro!"

Before we actually start talking about the glory that was air travel before our schizophrenic war on evildoers began, there's one other point that needs to be made. I always thought it was strange that strategy games, especially ones that travel far afield from army builders, tend to be dismissed as having "limited appeal" while the unspoken corollary to this is that everyone loves the  newest "save often!" first person shooter mess. Then I discovered that game reviewers are more corrupt than a Moldovan parliament and pretty much got over it, but I just want to say that this myth needs to die, along with the tendency to mock something like Aerobiz to score points with some ill-formed mainstream. Bidding for slots is awesome, anyone who says otherwise is either hopelessly deluded or wicked.

Yes, bidding for slots. A significant portion of this game is spent in that activity, since you need to establish profitable routes around the world and this is done by negotiating for rights. You send one of your four "corporate warriors" out to do the dirty work. There's a surprising amount of depth here, as your corporate home base and world events will influence this activity or make it just plain impossible. For example, during the Cold War era don't expect your capitalist oppressors to be warmly received behind the Iron Curtain or vice versa. Your nationality will also effect what planes you can buy and how willing customers will be to fly on your airline. Definitely something to think about before you set up "Air Iran."

 Scowling Lady Liberty says "Hit the bricks."

Luckily it is possible to mend fences between competing ideologies by performing charitable tasks for international representatives that apparently can't tell the difference between private industry and government foreign aid. If you help these hat-in-hand sad sacks you're rewarded with improved relations. Yes, this means that if Pravda Airlines helps restore runways in Atlanta this token gesture will bring an end to decades of conflict and probably save millions of lives. Who knew that patching up tarmac in Hotlanta or Minsk could succeed where ping pong and Olympic boycotts failed. "As I was laying that tar, you started to change. And if you can change, we all can change."

Or really easy, depending on how you want to look at it.

In addition to such corporate diplomacy, various other historical events occur, ranging from wars, oil shortages, the Olympic games and revolutions. It gives the game a sense of immersion that you wouldn't expect from something released in Japan under the incredibly catchy name "Air Management." There's also random events, including tourism booms, bad weather and worker strikes. 

Experts are worried that it might tip over.

You can play in four different eras, including the amazing "future" of 2000-2020. The middle two scenarios are the most entertaining, since the early scenario finds you mostly using prop planes instead of the jets you're supposed to switch to and the speculative scenario centers on the gimmick of supersonic flight, as impractical in this game as it was in real life. I give the designers a lot of credit for conceding this, especially with "supersonic" in the title. A wonderful future of sonic booms just isn't in the cards, sorry. 

How do you win? In many ways you win the moment the game starts, since you've been promoted to CEO. Sure, the airline might fail, but you're certainly lining your own pockets, so who cares, right? Well, if you do care, you must become the #1 airline in a set number of regions, beating out three opponents. While this is the goal, it's somewhat misleading, since the big money is made by flying between regions and you'll need that steady profit to eventually dominate the shorter flights. Each scenario gives you twenty years to meet this victory condition. Sadly there is no sandbox "play forever" mode, but the limited scope lends urgency.

The game also lets you purchase businesses, hold riveting board meetings (Yes, I would like to direct the topics!) set various budgets and indulge all your non-sexual airplane fantasies. Yes, you too can ask the opinions of your underlings and then perform a complete emotional meltdown after hearing their lame advice. Then it's back to getting those slots or solving all the world's problems.

We're making mad Golden Ring Rubles.

I was able to beat this game fairly reliably on harder difficulties when based out of New York, London or a similar desirable hub. My current goal is to win the game as a Moscow airline in one the cold war scenarios, but so far haven't been able to do it. Again, can't fault that realism. 

Graphics: You mostly look at a map. It looks a lot like a map. There's also a goofy Mode Seven opening and a take-off sequence that plays when you start a new route, but this one is not about the visuals. 

Control: Once you figure out the goofy symbols, the interface is easy to use. This one would probably work better with a mouse, but the controller works well enough. 

Depth: It's a strategy game, so there's plenty. You get control over many aspects of your airline and can make adjustments to ticket prices, number of flights and what planes to use on individual flights. There's five difficulty settings, four players could play at once if you could somehow engineer an Aerobiz party and you can even watch the computer play itself. There are numerous hub cities to select as your headquarters and the game can change a lot based on this selection. The historical and speculative events are well done and the cities and planes seem accurate.

Overall: Please send me to bid for slots. I'm so ready!

Check Out My Books!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read free excerpts here and here.

His first novel "The Foolchild Invention" is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.