Wednesday, April 19, 2017

News You Can't Use: DC Building Bans Balcony Banners

Anyone keeping a list of “Seemingly Harmless Things Ruined by Donald Trump, His Supporters, and His Detractors” can pencil in “banners that sports fans hang from their apartments”—at least in one building across the street from Nationals Park.

Another harmless thing ruined by the Democratic process and the fact that people are allowed to disagree for some reason. If we'd just eliminate all free expression, and we were making great progress until just recently by the way, we could go back to hanging banners. I feel a part of all of us has died.

Since the 11-story Camden South Capitol building opened in 2013, some residents of the units facing South Capitol Street—directly across from Nationals Park—have hung flags and pennants supporting DC’s baseball team.  

Do you like sports? Hey, great. I also enjoy sports. Clearly you can see the value of smoothing out unbelievably painful social interactions with our fellow biological work units, but dirty old politics is wrecking this.

“While we love our residents creativity and unique decorating, the time has come for us to remind all residents it is a lease violation if you…hang anything off of your balcony—yes this even include banners/flags supporting our beloved Washington Nationals,” reads the email from building manager Shaun Lambert.

We live in a nation of laws, as evidenced by our prisons packed with the wealthy and powerful who felt they could get away with things. Even your devotion to our beloved American Cricket squadron must be subsumed beneath the rule of law.

The likely inspiration for this sudden order, according to one resident, was a rush of political banners in the past few months, starting with a “Trump: Make America Great Again” flag that appeared shortly after last November’s election.

One guy was yelling this, so it seems plausible as an explanation.

But people in the building say it was the “Make America Great Again” flag that set off a sign war. An apartment one floor above the Trump-friendly apartment hung a flag proclaiming “Resist.”

We should be seeing "2 + 2 = 5" and "Ignorance is Strength" banners any day now.

The newest addition, which went up shortly before the start of baseball season, positions the word “Nope” accompanied by an upward arrow directly beneath the Trump sign.

My sophisticated and highly adult political discourse, full of cogent four-letter arguments.

And now, what was once a gallery of local sports fandom is just another political shouting match.

I just wanted to watch roided-up monsters hit dingers, but then you went all C-SPAN up in here.

 Mostly empty stadium offers advice to Congress.

His note also warns tenants against installing grills or household furniture, leaving unattended pets, and smoking on balconies.

I don't see how this pocket Hitler has the right to decide what I put in my mouth or how neglectful I am toward my furry friend-substitutes.

Tenants of Camden South Capitol who object to the redecoration order on First Amendment grounds are unlikely to prevail, according to Joel Cohn, the legislative director for DC’s Office of the Tenant Advocate.

When you signed that lease you gave up a lot of your inherent rights, sorry.

Komment Korner   

I wouldn't want to live in a building with different kind of flags all over it. although, i wouldn't want to live in DC either

Suppression of other people's speech is a FEDERAL CRIME under our civil rights laws.

Anyone keeping a list of “Seemingly Harmless Things Ruined by Capitalism and Contracts” can pencil in “Witty Criticism of Idiots in Shared Common Areas of Condos."

No smoking on your own balcony?

I'm not even going to click on those hashtags.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.  

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