Wednesday, March 15, 2017

News You Can't Use: The Antarctic is Turning LUMINOUS GREEN

Spring is almost here, as evidenced by the piles of freshly fallen snow, high scathing winds and massive freeway pile-ups caused by "white outs." Yes, it's hard not to get that fever. Especially since the green is returning. By that, of course, I mean sickly looking glowing ice in the South Pole that has confused hapless scientists and prompted all sorts of wild speculation. This one is clearly going to be a huge deal, so let me help you get in at the ground floor.

The luminous-looking green ice already covers about 650 square miles (about 1000 square kilometres) – and it is growing by the day.

How can we stop this? Will giving up my car, flush toilet and light bulbs help? Please say it will.

NASA scientists who spotted the bizarre green ice among the thousands of routine survey pictures taken from 700 miles up by US satellite Landsat 8 are baffled.

"We were just doing some routine ice surveillance, funded with your tax dollars. I was all, 'Yup, that's ice, too' when I saw the freaky green, man."

As ever aliens have been blamed by online conspiracy theory forums. 

Is such a thing even possible?

But of course NASA boffins have offered more credible alternatives.

You boffin m8? That ice science is just extra, innit?

The best theory climate scientists have come up with is that the freakish green-tinged ice is probably due to a massive bloom of phytoplankton.

Just like in our new food substitute, the one that is definitely not people. This does make more slightly more sense than "random vandalism from saucer overlords."

Mmmmmm, tasty phytoplankton.

 Marine glaciologist Jan Lieser of Australia's Antarctic Climate and Ecosystems Cooperative Research Center reported to NASA's Earth Observatory that in 2012 a team had recorded an enormous bloom in late February and early March.

I guess we got you all excited for nothing. Sorry about that.

Scientists on an expedition to observe the green swirls found that the bloom was not free-floating algae, but green sea ice, or sea ice with algae growing on it.

Sorry, what? I kinda nodded off while you were explaining.

The pictures were snapped by the space agency's Operational Land Imager (OLI) on their Landsat 8 satellite.

I hope you liked it, you paid for it.

Komment Korner   

I saw this movie. It's "Alien vs Predator" and the Alien is escaping from the sea at the antarctic.

Some Irishman got there with some green dye.

"mysterious object under the Pacific Ocean" Duh it's Captain America  

Uh oh, that's what happened in the northern hemisphere arctic before Godzilla busted out of the ice.

May be aliens are growing their  own weed.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.  

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