Thursday, June 2, 2016

News You Can't Use: Disney Worker Went on Booze-Fueled Rampage

Disney and its thousands of subsidiary holdings truly is the happiest place on earth. What could be better than taking your 2.5 children and government sanctioned life-partner to a heavily monetized theme park? Nothing, as long as you don't go on that one weird weekend or run afoul of an alcohol-fueled Brit whose behavior and general demeanor are a little different than what you'd see on "Downton Abby," replacing trite drama with wanton destruction and an incredibly foul mouth.

A Disney worker went on the rampage in his office and attacked two police officers after a booze-fuelled lunch break.

Nothing like a depressant to get you all riled up. Does it really count as a "rampage" if you never leave your office? Take that, monitor! See you in hell, replacement toner cartridges! On the other hand he attacked police, so there's that.

Owain Houston, 35, “exploded” and repeatedly shouted ‘F*** Disney’ after downing pints and shots in a nearby pub.

This is why you don't mix "pints" with the hard stuff while on your corporate headquarters approved unpaid lunch break.

He attacked colleagues and hurled computers around the call centre, causing £15,000-worth of damage.

The real life version of "Office Space" seems to be lacking in lighthearted humor.

Cardiff Crown Court heard he snapped after being asked to take a call for a colleague about the DisneyLife app.


He then entered some sort of rage whereby he has walked through the premises smashing up equipment.

You have been diagnosed with "Rage: Not Otherwise Specified." Suggest treatment includes sleeping it off and a cocktail of expensive psychiatric "meds" to take daily.

Houston, from the Coryton area of Cardiff, was fired on the spot and kicked out of the office.

If you were expecting a surprise ending I'm sorry.

Houston kicked a police van and then attacked the officers, swinging his arms like a windmill.

Don Quixote is never there when we really need him.

He was given a 12-month suspended jail term, ordered to perform 160 hours of unpaid work and told to pay £1,200 compensation.

You'll pay a small fraction of the damages and go wash dishes or whatever for a month. That should fix everything.

10% less soul-damaging than our previous film!

The DisneyLife app launched in the UK last year, allowing users to stream Disney films, TV shows, and music soundtracks. 

DisneyLife and chill, if you know what I'm saying and I think you do.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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