Saturday, November 7, 2015

Liveblogging Saturday Night Live

10:20 CST It took an almost unbelievable convergence of events, but I'm actually excited about watching what passes for comedy on network television. Please keep in mind that I regard the moron box and popular culture in general as, not to put too fine a point on it, a steaming pile of fetid rotting garbage coated with puke and left in the oppressive glare of the Day Star. However, this is no mere "Ow my balls" episode, as our future president will be joining in the hee hawing. This is the Moon Landing of the current generation. A show that hasn't been culturally relevant in decades and hasn't been funny in longer than that is about to bring the goods, plus there's some horrible pop act as a "musical guest" because let's see you write ninety minutes of humor that wouldn't even make a sober person smile a little, tough guy.

10:23 Turns out there's a football game tomorrow, according to the local news. Oh man, drop everything, it's super important.

10:29 Posting on Twitter, because I'm a master of all technologies, not just ink on paper.

10:31 Pity laughter for "forum" humor.

10:32 Also there will be "D" and "L" in tonight's episode, so no watching this until you're eight, little Timmy.

10:34 Is the Trump gonna start soon? Seriously, enough foreplay let's get this thing on.

10:36 Can we get some "kayak" applause going? No? How about some "old" jokes?

10:39 Live from New York, home of CHUDs, mole people, heroin addicts in Hello Kitty costumes, the Death Wish vigilante, etc.

10:41 Power tie, hair fully deployed, the nice guy is here.

10:44 Actually trolling the "yell out racist" bounty, I'm dying here. And that's already it. Well, we needed to draw out the Bernie Sanders boating sketch, I guess. 

Let me tell my vacuum pennies joke, please?

10:50 The check for the wall arrives, first legitimate laugh in this segment.

10:52 This would be about the point your ordinary teevee viewer would need to empty the drool dish.

10:53 Already cigarette paper thin concept beaten into the ground, yup, that's network comedy all right.

10:56 Fallout 4. Look forward to losing hundreds of hours to that when I finally go next-gen in 2019.

10:59 Live tweeting the next sketch. This is a mirror pointed at another mirror, now.

11:01 Tweets with no hash tags. I guess they have to kind of hold the hand of the average television viewing troglodyte who wouldn't get the joke here anyway.

11:04 Look at the dance moves, they're silly! Should be good for an eight minute sketch, maybe longer.

11:07 The "Walmart Sitcom" the world was just begging for. You've come a long way from "Is that where you buy walls?" television writers.

11:09 Is this like a Lady Gaga tribute band or something?

11:10 You know what would make this performance better? Kata.

11:12 We need more songs about the amazing virtues of breathing.

11:17 Ben Carson and his grain pyramids get a low-effort going over.

11:21 Sorry "penis" is not inherently funny.

11:24 Time for some of that patented East Coast contempt for middle America.

11:26 Cutting-edge "all look the same" humor. I've got another thirty minutes worth of this. Gah.

11:28 Oh I get it...alcoholism. Ha.

11:32 ...see the kids today don't know about the jazz. Also, laser harp.

11:37 Wow, unrated and with so-called "deleted scenes?" On DVD? What a time to be alive.

11:40 This show is breaking down my will to resist.

11:42 Please help me record my demo, Mr. Trump.

11:48 Lindsay Graham phone humor, I guess I'll take it.

11:49 Cool, an entirely new bland, unappealing and aesthetically ridiculous performance.

11:50 She's been cocooned, just like the others.

11:55 Saving the best for last, clearly.

11:57 Boner. Why aren't you laughing? Don't you get it???

11:58 Nixon humor, nice and topical like the core audience of this drivel likes it.

12:00 What kind of show runs past the hour? This is a shuck.

12:01 How do you see with that hair? Also, vote Trump.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here. 

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