We've all been to some wild homeopathy conferences. Who could forget the one where someone drank pure tap water and overdosed? Or that big seminar on how if Chiropractors can somehow obtain marginal legitimacy than it should be possible to convince people that these crazy ideas have some merit. Don't forget the time when the reflexologists were staying in the same hotel and the result was a weekend of crazy pranks involving the memory of fluids and the bottom of the foot. And, of course, today's subject where our favorite pseudo-scientists decided to take a drug that actually works, with disastrous consequences.
An alternative medicine conference has ended in chaos in Germany after dozens of delegates took a LSD-like drug and started suffering from hallucinations.
If there were any lingering doubts that "alternative medicine" was just code-word for snake oil scams and trying to find legal ways to drop acid I think we can lay them to rest.
Broadcaster NDR described the 29 men and women “staggering around, rolling in a meadow, talking gibberish and suffering severe cramps”.
These are the symptoms of what the medical-industrial complex that we heroically battle with our various frauds and trick bags describes as "tripping balls." And yes, don't forget the cramps, it's important to mention that tummy trouble when we've got Teutonic quack con-artists eating their own fingers and babbling incoherently in the world's ugliest language.
The group of "Heilpraktikers" was discovered at the hotel where they held their conference in the town of Handeloh, south of Hamburg, on Friday.
"Heilpraktiker" sounds like someone who plays Hitler make-believe or maybe joins a neo-nazi group as undercover law enforcement (i.e. every single member) but the truth, as always, is even more amazing.
More than 150 medical staff, ambulances and police descended on the scene and took the raving delegates to hospital.
The cruelest irony is that now conventional western medicine that actually works, the mortal enemy of the conference goers, is deployed to cure their freak-out instead of a glass of water seeded with half a drop of anti-crazy.
Tests on their blood and urine revealed they had all taken hallucinogenic drug 2C-E, which is known as Aquarust in Germany and has been illegal there since the end of last year.
"As I stand here, the Champion of the World, I want the kids to know they can achieve anything if they work hard and never stop believing in themselves. And kids, just say no to 2C-E.
No one recovered sufficiently to be interviewed by police until Monday, a spokesperson said.
Probably because traditional medicine is all about making money and not about THE PEOPLE, man.
“One has to assume that people were not told about the substance, its effects and risks before taking it.”
Then again we're talking about a credulity conference, so who knows.
Police are reportedly looking into possibilities including the drug being taken as a joint experiment, or it being furtively given to conference participants as a prank.
Yup, the old "give dangerous hallucinogenic compound to eccentrics" prank, always a winner.
The Association of German Healing Practitioners (VDH), which represents homeopaths as well as other naturopaths, quickly distanced itself from the embarrassment.
Get ready for the "Ve ver juss followink ORDERS!" defense.
“The organisers of this obscure conference are unknown to us and such events will not be tolerated by our Association,” a spokesperson said.
Our goofy make-believe sessions are highly legitimate and fully certified by a panel of wizards and alchemists.
“Unfortunately, the conference in Handeloh has severely damaged the image of the alternative medicine profession…and we have clarified that such acts are not in the spirit of natural therapy, and contradict our values both morally and legally."
An unbelievably pristine reputation for competence and legality may have suffered a small ding.
Wonder if you'd ever see real doctors popping a few chemotherapy tablets at a conference...
Man, that homeopathy kicks butt!
I guess they took a very small dose to make it more potent
one doesn't 'suffer' hallucinations one ENJOYS them
Probably the same stuff Angela Merkel took last week.
Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.