Wednesday, March 4, 2015

News You Can't Use: Nigerian Woman Files For Divorce Because Her Husband's Penis is 'Too Big'

Having a giant penis isn't easy, let me tell you. You're practically immune to the advertising industry and miss out on all sorts of neat compensatory products like giant trucks and impractical computer technology. No one ever believes your vacation orgy stories because you feel the need to preface them by mentioning the fact that your unit is the size of a baby's arm. Then there's the difficulty in getting the word do you even do that? And don't get me started on marriages that fail when the wedding bazooka comes out.

A Nigerian woman filed for divorce from her husband because his penis was too big, according to media reports.

Finally the wisdom of no-fault divorce and a "no reason specified" box to check becomes clear. They knew what they were doing when they gut-shot civilization with that policy, obviously.

Aisha Dannupawa, a housewife and mother-of-three, asked for her marriage to husband Ali Maizinari to be dissolved due to his large manhood.

We've got, like, armadillos in our trousers and it's very intimidating.

Their divorce was granted after just one week of marriage in a Islamic Sharia court in Nigeria's Zamfara State.

Before we institute Sharia law we should consider the impact on Elephant Trunk in Pants-Americans. And on people that like to drink and/or gamble. And the problematic issues of religion and state. And about a million other things. Maybe not do it?

She told the court she had married Maizinari after her first marriage failed.

Whether the pocket jackhammer was an issue there, too, remains unknown at this time.

As part of the local tradition, before settling into her husband's home the bride was invited to move into his parents' house.

This has nothing to do with anything, but hey, isn't that unusual. Other cultures, man.

But it was only when the couple first had sex she claimed that the trauma began.

It appears that all those letters to Penthouse were not entirely honest.

'Instead of enjoying the sex, it turned out to be something else, because his penis was too big,' she told the court, according to Nigeria's Tribune.

"Ok, the next person who giggles gets thirty days in jail."

'I told my mother the experience but she told me to endure and that with time, I will be able to cope. She then gave me some drugs,' she said to Nigerian media.

Looking forward to seeing ads for exciting new "Land that 747, ladies" pills during televised golf events.

According to Dannupawa, the couple had sex again but it was 'too much to bear' and the couple concluded that no drug could help their sex life or their marriage.

Very similar to the ending of "Funky Cold Medina," actually.

Full Story.

Komment Korner

Yeah.'s is annoying ...lost my first three wives through the same problem.

My wife has never complained my "guvna of love" is too big

Us men cant win either way!

I'm onto my 5th divorce so far.

No DM reporter will even attach their name to this article. Who'd want to take credit for googling this pointless story?

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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