Wednesday, November 5, 2014

News You Can't Use: Clay Aiken's Congressional Bid to Be Esquire Docuseries

We sure love our celebrities. The only thing we love more is seeing them at their absolute worst: strung out on goof balls, getting covered with substances that will be difficult to wash off, campaigning unsuccessfully for a sinecure position in North Caka-lack-ee, it's the shameful joy opiates that fill life with rich meaning. With that in mind it's probably not surprising that some cipher who enjoyed brief national attention over a decade ago is going to get a glorious four hours worth of heavily edited and manipulated immortality. Yes, it's time for "docuseries" chronicling the political wars of the Tarheel State and how some guy that used to sing in a way an opinionated British man found pleasing factored in.

The NBCUniversal-owned cable network announced late Tuesday — following Aiken's defeat in North Carolina — that camera crews have been documenting the American Idol alum's bid for a seat in the House.

Just when I'd somehow got myself down to just 13 hours of television per day this comes along and assures it's back to 14 for at least awhile longer. Sounds fascinating! And don't be surprised if we don't learn a few lessons before we're done!

The four-hour untitled docuseries, from Academy Award winner Simon Chinn (Searching for Sugar Man, Man on Wire) and Emmy winner Jonathan Chinn (American High), will premiere in the first quarter of 2015.

You'll still want to hear about this shaggy dog story from the 2014 mid-term elections two months from now, right?

Aiken, a gay Democrat and single dad, ran against incumbent Congresswoman Renee Ellmers in the predominantly Republican North Carolina 2nd District.

Before you write this off as an attention-seeking stunt with no legitimacy, did I mention he's also in favor of abortion and against gun ownership?

Via strategy meetings, debate prep, town halls, bus tours and door-to-door canvassing, the docuseries  will provide an intimate look at the hope of victory and, ultimately, the disappointment of defeat.

In all seriousness, I'd love to watch this worthless goof go door-to-door and explain to people that actually contribute to society why he should be allowed to rule over them. "I won a televised talent show, once! You remember that, right? Why are you reaching for that shotgun?"

"We were granted incredible access during the making of this documentary, and in turn were able to capture the internal workings of an American campaign — the good, the bad and the ugly," Simon Chinn said.

"You're going to be amazed by a sequence where he couldn't find the stage for a speech and kept walking around in circles while occasionally shouting 'Rock and Roll!' in between getting useless directions from a janitor."

Added Jonathan Chinn: "We’re thrilled to be partnering with Esquire Network, who are tackling topics that are not only popular and entertaining but also smart and thoughtful."

"We put some far-left ranting in that I know you'll find entertaining and thought-provoking!"

"Ultimately, this series is a raw and honest look at American politics through an incredibly unique and compelling candidate," said Esquire Network head of original programming Matt Hanna.

The banality of raw honesty.

A possible cover picture for next year's common core Civics textbooks.

The untitled series is produced by Lightbox's Jonathan Chinn, Simon Chinn and Mitchell Tanen.

The working title "I Love My Failed Gay Single Parent Democrat Campaign" was rejected as too clunky. "Feet of Clay," "Clay's Aching (To Represent You)" and "Nuke America" are the new front-runners, but no decision has been made as of this writing. 

Komment Korner  

"Aiken, a gay Democrat and single dad..." He isn't really even a single father since the boy's mother Jaymes Foster, who lives in California, has him full time. He's more of a sperm donor.

It's sickening that a perverted blivet like aiken is allowed to breed.

Who cares, move on assman.

More Hollyweird synthesis of Marxist politics and "entertainment."

Who would even watch such foolery ?

Check Out My Books!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read free excerpts here and here.

His first novel "The Foolchild Invention" is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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