Wednesday, October 15, 2014

News You Can't Use: Professional Clown Club Attacks 'American Horror Story' Over Murderous Character

I really didn't plan this seemingly endless series of killer clown articles, but here we are anyway. Fudging lack of other amusing things to talk about, how does it work? You'd think New York would be good for a "Giant Bedbug Devours Family" or "Costumed Characters Formally Recognized as PAC" story but there's only silence. Instead, we are forced to examine the image problems that professional clowns labor under and why the moron box might be playing into these misconceptions about how horribly creepy they are; misconceptions that certainly have no basis in objective reality.

Real clowns see nothing funny about their depiction in American Horror Story: Freak Show.

I don't pretend to be an expert on them crazy moving pictures coming from the drool tube, but I'm almost certain something called a "Horror Story" is not a comedy.

The FX series from Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk revolves around Twisty the Clown (John Carroll Lynch), a serial killer who stalks couples with scissors and imprisons children in an old school bus.

Filmed in "Psychologically Healthy-O-Vision." Boy, can't wait to watch the next episode of scissors killer! Hope some kids get imprisoned, possibly in a semi-ironic fashion!

"Hollywood makes money sensationalizing the norm," bemoans Glenn Kohlberger, president of Clowns of America International, the nation’s biggest clown club. "They can take any situation no matter how good or pure and turn it into a nightmare."

The world's biggest clown club. I guess the joke about "I thought that title was held by the Republican and/or Democrat Party!" would go here. Hopefully they'll be some chances for obvious "clown college" wit later on.

I don't really see anything good or pure in walking human nightmares, but I guess we still have limited freedoms to make statements like this.

With membership in the organization dwindling — its aging base is made up of 2,500 clowns, down from 3,500 in 2004

Clearly "Republican" was the correct selection for that earlier obvious joke, in light of this new information.

Kohlberger, whose big-shoed alter ego is Clyde D. Scope, takes a hard-line stance against characters like Twisty.

"I just make children scream and cry, I've never imprisoned any in a school bus, let alone that scissor stuff."

"We do not support in any way, shape or form any medium that sensationalizes or adds to coulrophobia or 'clown fear,' " Kohlberger says.

Check your non-grease painted face privilege.

Clowns' enduring image problem reaches back centuries. In "Hop-Frog," an 1849 short story by Edgar Allen Poe, the title character, a vengeful dwarf jester, dresses up the king and members of the royal court in flammable orangutan costumes, them sets them ablaze during a costume parade.

Yeah, the old vengeful jester and flammable orangutan costume plot that Hollywood keeps recycling when they're not trampling the good and beautiful under foot.

In the 1892 opera Pagliacci, a jealous clown murders his wife and her lover with a knife.

Also known as "Every Opera, Ever."

A scene involving a possessed clown doll in 1982’s Poltergeist would keep an entire generation of children awake at night.

Back when poor television reception could be used to drive the plot.

While clowning in its purest form lives on in traveling circuses like Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey and the nearly 20 productions of Cirque du Soleil spanning the globe, its evil counterpart thrives in popular culture.

I'd hate to see the purity of this great cultural touchstone destroyed by eighties horror, eye-talian singing plays and some dopehead poet.

Killer-clown mazes are mainstays at Halloween attractions like Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights, where visitors this year will be assaulted by chainsaw-wielding Bozos in "Clowns 3D."

We can simulate all your primal fears for a reasonable fee.

In recent weeks, in the California towns of Bakersfield, Wasco and Delano, sightings have poured in of menacing clowns lurking after dark, some holding weapons like machetes, baseball bats and, according to one report, a firearm.

I guess there's some virus or something in Texas and maybe a few issues in the Middle East, but this right here is what's really going on.

“There’s a natural phobia of clowns,” Sgt. Joe Grubbs of the Bakersfield Police Department said.

This is definitely the most truthful statement this man will ever make.

Series co-creator Ryan Murphy told THR he fears home invasions over clowns. "I'm much more afraid of Bloody Face [from Asylum] and Rubber Man [from Murder House],"  Murphy said, adding that the origin of Twisty, whose frightful mask resembles an exposed skull, will be revealed in the fourth episode.

Maybe I'm not a huge horror fan but it sounds like he's making stuff up to avoid copyright issues or something. Man, I'm really afraid of Hockey Goal Keeper [from Unlucky Friday] and Sweater Man [from Bad Dream Street].

"There's a big story that explains the clown and what he's doing that's based on an urban myth we uncovered," Murphy said. "Our take is very unusual."

He's the first psycho powered by a mix of pop rocks and cola.

“Clowns to killers,” he says. “I choose not to play into any of it. The more attention we give it just gives it more fuel.”

"I take back all the power I've given you cable television!" *turns back, HBO vanishes in puff of smoke*

Full Story.

Komment Korner

99% of kids turn out fine when they grow up

No I Freaken didn't Blue they where older,they're 20-30 I have 5 do the math. 

She chose the high road by ignoring those patronising remarks

Then they're pretty damn wussy teenagers.

Dianewe...Ignore these people

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Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read free excerpts here and here.

His first novel "The Foolchild Invention" is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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