Sunday, October 12, 2014

News You Can't Use: California Police Field Reports of Creepy Clowns

Is there even a single person who finds clowns amusing or entertaining? Is there someone, somewhere who looks at one of these living nightmares that have somehow entered the waking world and has a positive reaction? I doubt it. Since we're coming up on Halloween and the three televisions that act as my mentors and sole conduit to the outside world tell me that people like getting scared, let's examine a story of criminal clowns. If you can handle that redundancy.

Reports of creepy clowns carrying knives and other weapons have been scaring people in the California city of Bakersfield for the past week, police said on Sunday.

California, am I right? Come down from orbit and land, Golden State. First you give us hippies, Charlie Manson and PG-13 rated movies, now this nonsense.

In the latest incident, a person telephoned the Bakersfield Police Department on Saturday night, reporting a clown armed with a firearm, said watch commander Lieutenant Jason Matson.

"We've been having sightings all over the city," Matson said. "They range from anywhere from a guy carrying a gun to a guy carrying a knife running up to houses."

The massive "guy" crime wave continues.

The Bakersfield Californian newspaper reported earlier in the week that at least some of the reports were hoaxes.

It takes a discerning eye and logical temperament to determine when Stabby the Clown's running up on your house attack is a clear and present danger and not just a hoax that is emblemic of our profound spiritual sickness.

At least one of the reports was not a hoax - police arrested a teen on Friday who had dressed up as a clown and was chasing children on the west side of town, Matson said. The juvenile, whose name was not released, said he was doing it to perpetrate a hoax he had seen online.

This one wasn't a hoax! Criminal: "I was imitating a hoax." Sigh.

He was arrested on suspicion of annoying a minor and booked into the Kern County Juvenile Hall, Bakersfield police said in a news release.

"You're gonna shut and buy me Murder Simulator Part 12 Mom, or I'll have you jailed for annoying a minor!"

I knew I shouldn't have wasted all my rockets on the medical marijuana level.

A child who had been chased "was clearly scared," the release said.

Well kid, your sense of fear is working fine.

Komment Korner  

I hope they don't create a law against annoying my wife. I will never get out of jail.

It was just a meeting of top democrat leaders in the state.

If annoying a minor is a crime, can we lock up minors for being annoying?

The liberal school systems have created much mental disorder in our children with their insane programs.

California is full of sicko perverts!

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Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read free excerpts here and here.

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