Wednesday, October 1, 2014

News You Can't Use: Federal Workers Get Handcuffed Over Porn Problem

Federal workers truly are the heroes of our time. Their ability to perform consistently at a level well below the minimal standards of private industry combined with their well-earned sense of superiority and entitlement inspire us all. Forget being an athlete or having a Youtube channel where you play a video game while exhaling into a microphone like Darth Vader's loser younger brother, the new dream is to become one of the federal employees who do work so valuable it can't even be explained or documented. In between bouts of internet voyeurism, that is.

There is now legislation, authored by Rep. Mark Meadows (R-NC) that would ban employees from looking at porn during work.

The Republican war on women continues. I guess. Come on, use your imagination!

Though it sounds random, it's not.

Actually, it didn't seem that way. What I saw were correctly spelled words formed into mostly coherent sentences. I think we can rule out random mutation, erosion or punctuated equilibrium as explanations. Clearly this is semi-intelligent design.

Earlier this year, a top official at the Environmental Protection Agency was busted for watching porn—lots of porn—on his government-issued computer during work.

A little ironic that someone dedicated to talking down suicidal polar bears and saving the walrus was also so dedicated to self-pollution.

Federal investigators found out that the employee had downloaded at least 7,000 files of pornography and logged between two and six hours of porn watching a day since 2010.

Here's where probably about half the people reading this shrug and say to themselves "Yeah? Sounds like normal behavior to me."

Although this incident was the subject of a heated congressional hearing—the official received little more than a slap on the wrist.

And since said wrist was well toned from repeated "exercise" it hurt even less.

"How much pornography would it take for an EPA employee to lose their job?" House Oversight and Government Reform Committee Chairman Darrell Issa (R-CA) asked at the hearing in May.

Better ask Mr. Owl.

Apparently more than 7,000 files—since this EPA official is still on the job and collecting a hefty paycheck, according to Environment and Energy Publishing.

Yes, this venal piece of garbage is receiving tax-payer money to view satanic evil in his make-work job. Just thought you should know.

In fact, the Oversight and Government Reform Committee says the employee, who is a GS-14 staffer earning between $106,000 and $139,000 had also been receiving performance awards during this time period.

If you're halfway through that unpaid internship you might want to stop reading now before your head explodes from concentrated righteous indignation.

Earlier this year, a Federal Communications Commission employee was caught watching up to eight hours of porn each week at work, the Washington Examiner reported. His reason, according to auditors was that "he often does not have enough work to do and has free time."

Well, if you have time to lean you have time to clean. And I'm not referring to cleaning up yourself after viewing electronic erotica.

Though most agencies like the EPA have guidelines against this type of behavior at work, Meadows says they aren't doing a good enough job enforcing them. That's where his bill comes in—he added that his bill would cover other inappropriate uses of time as well.

Apparently "do your job or get fired" has absolutely no meaning in today's world. Thus, we need special laws.

I also bash the bishop while on the clock.

"It's not just casual porn viewing, but hours and hours of unproductive time doing things we shouldn't be condoning."

I mean, I'm okay with some casual viewing of extreme femdom humiliation videos and so on. This isn't a monastery or something. 

There seems to be a need to reinforce agency rules that might be in place, but not enforced," Meadows told The Washington Post.

Naw, let's just add more rules that will be ignored.

Komment Korner  

Taxpayers shouldn't have to pay for their pervertedness. Prosecute these criminals!

Performance bonus?? I don't wanna know.

I'm surprise no one mention - freedom of speech for watching porn

the real porn is watching congress go on vacation while the nation is engaged in war

They might as well just tell the SEC employees to stay home.

Check Out My Books!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read free excerpts here and here.

His first novel "The Foolchild Invention" is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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