Wednesday, April 23, 2014

News You Can't Use: Naps Linked with Higher Risk of Death

Sometimes posting one of these is so easy it's like the work is already done before I start. Start with a poorly written article warning of the massive risks of ordinary behavior that cites no sources and contains literally nothing of value. Add something ridiculous like the "risk of death," as if some of us are going to get out of our shared fate by not sleeping except at approved hours. Top it off with tons of ads and the usual insightful online commentators and you've got some news that you can't possibly use.

New research shows middle-age and older adults who take naps may be at an increased risk of dying.

Older people less healthy, study finds!

Man, I really have to get in on this lying scientist racket. Get tax dollars to point out the obvious, yeah. That ain't working, that's the way you do it, put out the worthless study at the univer-sit-tee.

Experts discovered naps were linked with an increased risk of dying from respiratory diseases.

We never actually find out who these "experts" are, but hey, I'm in this science rip-off con to get PAID, not for silly fame.

Longer naps were linked with an even higher risk, so people whose daily naps lasted an hour or more were 32 percent more likely to die.

The biggest risk would be taking an insanely long eight hour "nap" every night. He used to sleep. Now he's dead. Clearly these two pieces of data are connected. Plus, look at how sleep even resembles death! It was right there in our face, all the time. It took the good people at *string missing* Institute to finally get at the truth.

Experts say it may not be napping that's unhealthy, but rather, that those who tend to nap also have undiagnosed medical conditions that affect their risk of dying.

So the entire thing is intentionally misleading nonsense. No, you can't have that grant money back. Sorry.

Resolved: The bottom third of the "Drudge Report" is not a good source of lifestyle advice.

Many factors were considered for this study such as age, gender, body mass index and whether participants smoked and how often they exercised.

"We probably should have mentioned that five paragraphs ago."

Don't visit the spam-dominated source.   

Komment Korner

Color me shocked that people who are 65+ are more likely to die in the next 13 years.

I will take a nap if I feel like it. I do expect to die some day.

All people who eat food end up dying, therefore, food kills people.

... especially if the napper doesn't wake up!

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Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read a free excerpt here.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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