Wednesday, October 30, 2013

News You Can't Use: Dell Users Get Claws Out Over Laptops that Stink of Cat Pee

Technology and that stank: they've got more in common than you might expect. I will now write the rest of this pointless introductory paragraph in the same awful punny style as the above headline. There's a new CAT-astrophe with a product that's far from PURR-fect. Consumers are hissing. Will it be fixed or end up in capitalism's litter box?

Owners of a certain model of Dell laptop have been subjected to very unpleasant “cat urine” odours emanating from their new machines.

Dude, you're getting something that smells like cat piss! Awesome!

The powerful odour is “not at all health hazard” and seems to have been caused by a “manufacturing process that has now been changed,” according to SteveB, a senior technical consultant for Dell posting on the company’s support forums.

Now that a guy that doesn't even have a last name has spoken I am completely satisfied. It's not like your average Dell user would have a thriving social life anyway, so just accept the fact you're carrying around a low quality product that calls to mind an emission from a feline bladder.

Dell was first made aware of the issue in June 2013 when a Dell user called “three west” first posted about the smell of a new Dell Latitude E6430u saying “the machine is great, but it smells as if it was assembled near a tomcat's litter box. It is truly awful! It seems to be coming from the keyboard”

"SteveB" seems downright legitimate compared to our code-named whistle blower. Are there any adults left in America?

Additional Halloween-themed joke: "We've traced the's coming from inside your keyboard...get out of there!"

Dell first suggested cleaning the keyboard and air vents around the laptop to cure the smell, but as more and more users complained of the same stench being emitted from the laptop from different countries and regions, it soon became clear that it wasn’t users to blame but the actual laptop.

When ignoring/marginalizing the problem failed, they were forced to actually do something.

Also I could clearly tell that wasn't my own foulness. That's a mix of rotten cheese, spilled beer and some vomitus. No kitty wee-wee though, no sir.

Dude, I've got something to cover up that odor.

“Well .. here I am Sunday doing some work on the couch and my wife says ,"What stinks like cat pee?". I said ... I think its this laptop ... she puts her nose up to the keyboard and BAM! It really stinks,” said gambit29.

What really happened: "I just woke up after sleeping for three days, finally took off my completely soiled X-Men pajamas and realized that only reduced the cloud of vile stench that follows me everywhere somewhat. There was no woman, of course."

The smell was narrowed down to an issue with manufacturing, which was apparently resolved in October, meaning that new machines running off the production line were cured of the cat-pee smell.

The new models randomly detonate, but we're still blaming that on the users and won't admit the error for another few months.

Unfortunately, not all of Dell’s replacement machines were free from odour as one user complained: “I just received my 5th replacement 6430u yesterday and the smell is still there”

I feel a song coming on...
Red Bull bottles and brand new Dells
Monitor you're in my way
There's too much manufacturing process issues and too much excuses
Look what's going on inside the keyboard

Ooh, that smell
Can't you smell that smell?
Ooh, that smell
The smell of cat piss surrounds you

“If you order an E6430u now, it will not have the issue,” SteveB added.

Please keep wasting your money on our inferior products.

Komment Korner

I've smelt that smell a bit on some electronics too. Thought it was my imagination.

It's PC gone mad.

No way. It might lure a tom or two into your garden seeking to scare off what smells like sexual competition.

Did they buy the laptop from the CATalog?

Shill Section  

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here. 

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