Wednesday, July 3, 2013

News You Can't Use: Lewinsky Negligee, Other 'Evidence' in Clinton Case, to be Auctioned

Remember 1998? Various massacres were going on in Algeria to massive indifference from the global community. Russia found closure from that whole "communism" thing by finally burying Nicolas II. Something called "Windows 98" came out. And who could forget wacky Pakistan and their medium-range missiles capable of hitting India? We ended the year with the first ever "leap second" and gazed confidently into a future so bright it was capable of causing damage to unprotected eyes.

Yup, those were the big events. Algeria, that sort of thing. Oh, and there was this little scandal involving the President of the United States, a woman who had an "average" body type by American standards and lies on top of lies. But it can't be that important, since it isn't even mentioned on a Wikipedia page that meticulously details every little bad thing that happened in North Africa that year.

Still, some people care, apparently. Even today. All right there's basically no evidence to support this statement, save an ill-conceived "auction."

It's not her famous blue dress, but a box-load of other mementos and clothing from Monica Lewinsky examined as potential evidence in Kenneth Starr's case against former President Clinton--including a black negligee--are hitting the auction block.

If there's some sort of specialized pervert who is actually willing to pay for that my remaining sliver of faith in humanity will officially be destroyed worse than the parts of Pakistan used for medium-range missile testing.

Lot #375 of the online auction at Nate D. Sanders Fine Autographs & Memorabilia has an opening bid of $2,500 and is expected to surge between now and June 27 when the bidding concludes.

Own a piece of history that everyone just wants to forget!

"Items owned by Monica Lewinsky, especially relating to the Clinton scandal and Ken Starr investigation are exceedingly rare," said Sanders.

Cuneiform tablets from ancient Sumeria are exceedingly rare. Plus-size underwear? No.

The ravages of age and poor decisions.

In the collection are a Clinton typed letter signed on White House stationery and addressed to Bleiler per Lewinsky's request, the negligee and some White House M&Ms.

How they managed to go uneaten is perhaps the biggest mystery of all.

It also includes a handwritten letter from Lewinsky during the sex scandal in which she wrote, " I good at lying through my teeth or what..."

You know, I'm not even going to make the obvious jokes. 

Well, I hope you enjoyed this journey back to a simpler time. If they're selling any underwear or candy from the riots directed against Chinese Indonesians that broke out in Indonesia I'll let you know.

Komment Korner  

A "Cigar" box full of stuff?

Size 33, slightly soiled............I'll pass.............

Well wash my shirt! I was hoping to see an autographed copy of Monica's in depthed "Comprehensive Guide for White House Interns". I was also disappointed not to see any cigars among the auction mementos.

.......will any of the proceeds be donated, for tax reasons, to hillarys campaign for president?

Aaron Zehner's first novel The Foolchild Invention is available in e-book format at and Barnes & Noble.

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