Wednesday, December 14, 2016

News You Can't Use: An Extreme Couponer is Attacked by a Furious Customer

There isn't a lot I miss about the nineties. Certainly not the absolutely slammin' junior anti-sex league and it's funky-fresh music videos and I suppose "extreme" everything would also fall into the category of memories that I'm glad were destroyed by the Russia soda. There was just something inherently insulting in pretending the same old garbage was suddenly edgy and dangerous (Jiff Peanut Butter...Extreme!!!!) to say nothing of the vomit-inducing imagery that generally accompanied such claims. Nevertheless, one "extreme" trend actually lived up to the hype and endured and I'm talking about coupon clipping junkies. Not everyone appreciates it, but such is the nature of "in your face" and "radical."

Megan Wilson claims a man yelled at her and called her a 'junkie' for taking too long at the Poplar Plaza Kroger in Memphis, Tennessee on Friday. 

I just want to get my intense-to-the-max Lunchables and hit the door, hurry up you no-good needle enthusiast!

She later took to Facebook, saying he grabbed the 'back of the head and smashed [her] face into the cart' after she accidentally spilled a drink on him.

It really is a war zone out there, fellow clippers. You gotta watch your back, there's plenty of aggressive jerks that don't want us to save that ten cents on used batteries.

But police released surveillance footage of the incident, and it appears as if Wilson purposefully dumped the contents of her drink on him. 

It's kind of like the movie Rashomon if the samurai were replaced with the worst Murrikan human beings available and then someone had a camera so there was no need to hash out the competing individual narratives.

Wilson posted a lengthy video on Facebook sharing her side of the story, and told WREG she spent 20 minutes with her special binder filled with coupons.

Everything I do takes super long, except shooting up.

She said: 'I do carry a binder with a filing system in it. And then I usually also have a duffle bag or a large purse-type bag that I carry full inserts and things like that in.' 

Your filing system is not the envy of corporate America.

Wilson said she was bothered by his words, and even said at one point: 'I really wanted to hurt the guy but, you know, he's three times my size.'

I want everyone to suffer, but you know, "reality."

While Wilson claims that she accidentally spilled her drink on the man as she was leaving the store, it appears she purposefully flung it at him.

As long as we record everything we should restore a basic level of civility a few days before the Sun becomes a massive Red Giant and devours our feeble, unimportant planet.

The man can then be seen moving towards her, although most of fight takes place outside the frame of the surveillance camera.

We need more cameras. A lot more.

She said: 'Everything kind of went black for a minute and when I came to, I was on the ground.

All the best days of my life summarized in one sentence.

'So I stumbled to get up and the floor was slippery because obviously when he hit me, my drink went everywhere.'

My deductive skills were not damaged in the altercation, clearly.

We gettin' Scrooge McDuck coupons.

Police say they are looking for the man for questioning after he drove off in a Ford F-150.   

We can add "horrible taste in vehicles" to the list of your crimes.

Komment Korner  

Couponers Lives Matter!

People like that are willfully ignoring the needs of other people. Happy Grinchmas!

Express lanes are BS. Most people disregard the items limit and usually there are too many people in it in the first place. Oh and my favorite scam-separating a cart full into separate orders.

No footage and what we do see is her clearly tossing her sticky beverage at the man.

After the tens thousands of customers I've come across, the extreme couponer can be, for the most part, a "special character". Self entitled, unapologetic, narcissistic. They are pros at the register, efficient and helpful to the cashier to get the transaction done quickly but if one thing goes wrong, if one coupon is rejected. Look out for b ! tch mode. Wish I was there to have seen this.

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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