Saturday, December 24, 2016

News You Can't Use: 5,000-Year-Old Nativity Scene Found in Egypt

It might be time for the ACLU to take action against an Egypt that was still being tormented by demigods because we've found amazing evidence of a nativity scene from 3000 years before the event, you know, actually happened. This logic trap aside, the drawing itself is, shall we say, less than impressive, but that's not the sort of thing you put in click-bait titles, so here we are. One thing is clear, this story is an ink-blot held up to your ideas about religion and civilization so feel free to make whatever crazy conclusions you want because everyone involved clearly did.

Italian researchers have discovered what might be the oldest nativity scene ever found — 5,000-year-old rock art that depicts a star in the east, a newborn between parents and two animals.

Suffice it to say, get ready to deploy what's left of your imagination if you want to share in this incredible discovery.

The scene, painted in reddish-brown ochre, was found on the ceiling of a small cavity in the Egyptian Sahara desert, during an expedition to sites between the Nile valley and the Gilf Kebir Plateau.

Your blasted desert wasteland has some cavities, we're gonna have to drill. I also like how the author assumes we're familiar with the Gilf Kebir Plateau, because who isn't deeply interested in mapping out the various formations of an inhospitable strategic hour glass contents reserve.

"It's a very evocative scene which indeed resembles the Christmas nativity. But it predates it by some 3,000 years," geologist Marco Morelli, director of the Museum of Planetary Sciences in Prato, near Florence, Italy, told Seeker.

 We're about to lose our funding, so please play along with this nonsense.

Morelli found the cave drawing in 2005, but only now his team has decided to reveal the amazing find.

The reason for withholding this incredible discovery will be become clear when you actually see it.

 Seriously, look at this p.o.s.

"The discovery has several implications as it raises new questions on the iconography of one of the more powerful Christian symbols," Morelli said. 

I felt it was best to wait eleven years, until y'all were ready for this shocking revelation.

The scene features a man, a woman missing the head because of a painting detachment, and a baby.

Yeah. I guess.

"It could have been interpreted as a normal depiction of a family, with the baby between the parents, but other details make this drawing unique," Morelli said.

Before you come to the boring, correct conclusion please keep in mind I have a wife, two children and a mortgage and I'd kinda like to keep that plum job at the Museum of Planetary Sciences.

He noted the newborn is drawn slightly above, as if raising to the sky. Such position, with the baby not yet between the parents, would have meant a birth or a pregnancy.

It certainly doesn't represent the limitations of Neolithic art, that's for sure.

"As death was associated to Earth in contemporary rock art from the same area, it is likely that birth was linked to the sky," Morelli said.

I'm not saying it was aliens, but it was clearly aliens.

In the east, the Neolithic artist drawn what appears to be star.

I personally interpreted that smudge as an ancient Pac-man.

The researchers called the site the "Cave of the Parents."

It's better than "Cave of Please Don't Fire Me I'm Finding Stuff" although significantly less honest.

Komment Korner  

You are a Dork

Do you believe aliens might exist somewhere among our billion stars?... yes?... but you are 100% sure there is no god?... Idiot.

Please I need to hear you answer before I escape to my safe space. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. 

Chealsea Clinton was the result of a virgin Birth from Hillary Clinton because there is NO TRACE of Bills DNA in Chealsea 

Now I am confused, thanks gary

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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