News You Can't Use: Cops Tell NJ Teens to Stop Door-to-Door Shoveling Offer

There really is no business like snow business. In fact, I often wonder why "snow jobs" are considered a bad thing, when in reality they're totally righteous. The bottom line is when the White gold, that sweet driveway candy, blankets the land, all any healthy person should see is giant dollar signs and opportunities for do-gooding that will actually be appreciated. Unfortunately, Heat Miser Government had other ideas. When two teens tried to get "high" on some far-out capitalism the five oh was there to derail the trolley.

Two central New Jersey high schoolers who say they were just trying to make some money were ordered by police to stop going door-to-door to offer to shovel snow, CBS New York reported.

Since there's no real crime in New Jersey, the best state in America, there's plenty of time to make sure punk kids abide by the 12,158 simple laws governing intrastate commerce and contract law.

Before this week's storm hit, the two friends from Bridgewater were making the rounds advertising their snow shoveling services.

"We got the idea from a book about economics written in 1874." Next time try fractional reserve banking, kids.

But when the two crossed into Bound Brook, they were stopped by cops.

Snow shovels up, don't shoot.

"We weren't looking to break the law. We just didn't know the law," Matt Molinari said.

That ain't no excuse, punk. Now let me fire the main armament on our police tank at you until you become compliant with all 50,000 pages of commercial legislation that every citizen is expected to memorize.

Police were alerted after someone called to report a suspicious person.

"Someone's trying to exchange services for pecuniary award, please send help."

"Kind of saw like a spotlight, like a police spotlight," said Molinari.

And to think a handful of cranks were opposed to paying taxes to fund the, like, police spotlight.

The high school senior told CBS New York he and his friend got a lesson in local ordinances, putting their shoveling business on the shelf.

For the reporters from the moral, spiritual and literal sewer that is NYC, this story of petty tyranny must have seemed like a glass of cold water on a summer day.

"'They need a permit, un-permitted solicitation is not allowed,'" Molinari said, recalling what the police told the pair.

"And no, the Constitution can't be used as a permit, punk. Here, let me point this loaded gun at you."

The Bound Brook police chief had a different version. He told MyCentralJersey.com they are not cracking down on kids shoveling, but rather that it was a state of emergency and they should not have been out.

They were actually breaking Law #144,151.a44!8(f)48ii9, not Law #456,334,566.affr#576#%%3&^. I know, it's a common mistake.

Like I said, totally righteous.

According to CBS New York, the teens were allowed to shovel for customers who called them directly, and they made about $100.

Most of this profit will be taken in taxes to pay for human derelicts, General Motors, Israel and better spotlights for local police.

Full Article

Komment Korner  

back then we had a lot more snow than we have now

Self-reliance is against the law now. Obysmalcare proved that.

Uhm, yes I'd like to report that there are a couple kids shoveling my sidewalk and I think they are up to no good with their shovels and the snow.

These kids need to be prosecuted to the fullest extent possible.  They must be stopped!

"Serve and Protect" has turned into "I am the rule"

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.