News You Can't Use: Water Is Black and Stinks In Southern California Community

Since milk is poison, soda recipes are mostly inspired by failed chemical weapons projects, alcohol is of the devil and fruit juice contains sugar that could make you nervous it stands to reason that lots of water will be the healthy answer to all your "What fluid should I pour into my face hole?" issues. That is, unless it has the color and consistency of tar and smells like an open sewer. Then, maybe take your chances with milk and learn to wash yourself with liquified deodorant sticks.

For months now families are complaining about black and smelly water pouring from their faucets, toilets, and showers in a Southern California community just south of Los Angeles.

If there's water pouring from your toilet the fact that it resembles what goes into the bio-hazard bag after an embalming might not be your only problem. This has been going on for months with no solution in sight, a true testament to the amazing power of complaining.

“We don’t want to drink our water, because our water is black,” said Emy Sebastian, a citizen of Gardena California. “My daughter says, ‘Mommy the water is black and it stinks. Why does the water stink?’ She doesn’t want to wash her clothes.”

I tell her it's probably because of something she did.

The phenomenon has been going on too long for residents and they don’t feel that enough is being done to correct the situation.

It's a phenomenon! Get caught up in it! Wooo! Also, when what is being done could be accurately described as "nothing," it's a safe bet it's not enough to solve this mess.

Diane Morita, disgusted by the smell, told NBC4 Southern California, that the water “has an odor of rotten eggs or sewer smell. I’m concerned because it’s getting worse, if it’s even safe.”

"If it keeps burning my mouth and causing hours of stomach pains I'm probably going to drop down from eight glasses a day, physician's recommendations be damned."

Morita explained that she has been told by Golden State Water Company, the utility that services Gardena, that the water is safe to drink.

Naw, it's fine. Let me hang up on your now. All I do is have this conversation, all day every day. People are such whiners.

The utility has told NBC4 that that they are investigating the situation and insist that the black water is an isolated occurrence.

Well, I'm mollified by this obvious ass-covering.

Now in chunky style with radical midnight colors!

Kate Nutting, general manager for Golden State said that “the water is clear right now we will continue to investigate to determine what caused it last Wednesday, what has caused it in the past so that we can prevent it from happening again.”

She then spent the next six hours playing "Free Cell," broken up only by spinning around in her office chair.

One person said that a Golden State official told her he would credit her account $10 for the expense. She says it’s not enough.

When the government actually should pay people, it suddenly pleads poverty. Oh well, I'm off to get my free phone for myself and my ten imaginary family members.

Full Story.

Komment Korner

Ah yes .... the virtues of dysentery.

I don't remember Jesus ever saying He was the last prophet.

Knock off the Islamophobia.

So now they can drink chlorine? I know you can put it in a pool but drink it?

It's looking like a real breakdown in governing in California.


Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.