Wednesday, December 10, 2014

News You Can't Use: Man Has 8 Minutes to Convince Prostitutes to Quit in New Reality Show

Are you looking for a good time? By that, of course, I mean are you interested in watching a scripted reality show where the hero must battle the clock to convince oldest profession members (No, not farmers. The other one) that they are on the wrong career track? Obviously, you are. Let's set the "Guilt Clock," prepare our best arguments and make sure we thoroughly wash our hands afterwards. It's time to save the world, learn valuable lessons about pecuniary intimacy and maybe last more than three episodes.

Sorry, I have trouble imagining a world where the "Whore Fixer" becomes a hugely successful franchise. I know, look out the window.

A&E has greenlit a provocative new reality series in which a man tries to convince prostitutes to quit their jobs.

High-brow cable television, friends. I guess that one where they catch wild pigs was a little too sophisticated, but this one definitely looks to hit that sweet spot between banal idiocy and intelligence insulting lurid drivel.

EW has learned exclusively that the network has ordered eight episodes of 8 Minutes (working title), a series featuring cop-turned-pastor Kevin Brown surprising escorts in hotel rooms and offering to rescue them from a life of trading sex for cash.

It's sort of like "Father Dowling Mysteries" except the mysteries will be things like "What do I get for ten dollars?" and "Are you aware that intimate acts carry physical and emotional consequences?" Man, can't wait.

In each episode, Brown has eight minutes to make his case.

Yeah, I got it. It really isn't as complicated as you're making it out to be. Granted, this is for the benefit of people who need the high concept of "Ow, My Balls!" explained to them, but still.

Executive producer Tom Forman (Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, The Great Food Truck Race) says the show was inspired by a 2013 LA Times article about Brown, an Orange County vice cop turned pastor who teamed with his church to create an undercover prostitute intervention operation.

"I was swimming in drugs and money when I read this article about Super Pope or whatever. My work here as a creative genius is done."

“This is one of those great shows that was actually happening whether anybody was shooting it or not,” Forman said.

I never really considered my totally righteous day-to-day life to be a "great show that nobody is shooting" but I certainly will from now on.

“Brown told his congregation that for 20 years he’s had to arrest these women when what he’s really wanted to do is help them. It launched a drive within his church to run these undercover operations. We read that and thought somebody should put a camera on this, it’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever heard.”

Enforcing the law doesn't help anyone. Reality television does.

He doesn’t know when he calls. But after 20 years on the job, he can decode an ad or solicitation or posting on the Internet like no one you’ve ever seen.

This guy totally knows what a "girlfriend experience" is. He's like the street walker version of a Navaho Code Talker.

No one has been angry. No one has resented him for being offered an opportunity to leave a life that’s so hard, and so violent and so dangerous.

No one got angry about being paid to talk about themselves. It's hard to believe, but there it is.

This one is certainly edgy, and it’s a loud idea, and it’s a televised thriller.

It's extreme, it's cah-razy and totally in your face!

Not a significant source of non-distorted footage.

It’s already as real as it can possibly be.

Because there are different levels of "real."

We’re just trying to not screw it up.

These are the words of a man of vision, a man that will lead us.

Komment Korner  

I hear there is no laughing in Hell. So get them in while you can.

Exclusivity is actually pretty normal among any belief system.

There's big money in the rescue industry

Who did you hear that from? Citation needed.

I heard there was no "doin' it" in heaven

Aaron Zehner is the author of "The Foolchild Invention" available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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