Wednesday, June 4, 2014

News You Can't Use: Forget 'Practice Makes Perfect' - Meditation is the Key to Success, Study Claims

Have you been working hard to become successful? No? Hey, don't worry about it. According to a highly biased study we can just serenity our way to victory, instead of wasting valuable "Ohm" time practicing a craft in order to improve. We were wrong to believe in something that's eminently obvious. The answer is clearly a westernized version of Eastern Mysticism that accepts all major credit cards. No personal checks, please.

Researchers say that however hard some people try, they won’t excel at their chosen job, sport or hobby.

Why is the clumsy, five-foot-nothing video game addict not becoming the next [Insert Famous Sports Star's Name Here]? Not enough navel-gazing is the correct answer.

This is because the key to perfection lies in the mind.

Yeah, thanks Yoda.

They have shown that people who rise to the top have ‘highly-integrated’ brains finely-tuned for creativity.

Intelligent and creative people tend to succeed, claims controversial article.

The good news for those not naturally blessed is that mediation may help.

And by "may" we mean "won't."

The advice from Dr Fred Travis, a US neuroscientist and advocate of Transcendental Meditation, contradicts the widely-held belief that practice will, eventually, make perfect.

Who would know better than some guy with not one, but two scraps of paper who stands to gain pecuniary benefit from this latest attack against things that are unquestionably true but make us sad or uneasy.

Some experts have even put a number on it, saying that 10,000 hours of hard graft make the difference between being good enough and being world class.

It's a British article, so I don't know what to tell you. "Hard graft" definitely sounds like the key to success if it is what I think it is "Here's some money, tell everyone it was my idea," or "Here's some material goods or services, let me run past you into the end zone." Yeah, that strategy sounds good to me.

Honestly, what's up with Britain? Any moderately good idea is "brilliant." Working hard at something is "graft." Honesty is probably know as "clubbing a seal" and compassion to the less fortunate might be called "deserting your post." This sort of thinking certainly explains the current economic, intellectual and moral golden age going on in the United Kingdom.

But Dr Travis, of the Maharishi University of Management in Iowa, said: ‘Some people put in long hours and do not excel.

They waited this long to reveal the massive conflict of interest. Another Maharishi U. snob. They're probably still smarting after losing last year's rivalry football game against Gandi State College of Engineering in Nebraska.

‘It is a simple fact that some people stand out and we are trying to tease out why.

Someone suggested "genetics" but this unperson was promptly excommunicated from higher education.

In the highly-integrated mind, connections between various regions of the brain are strong, attention is keen and the brain is quick to spring into action when faced with a question.

Beer and television will cure that.

When world-class athletes, top managers and professional managers have been tested, all have shown high levels of brain integration, Dr Travis said.

Meanwhile only some of them have the "Evil Gene."

Co-researcher Yvonne Lagrosen, of University West in Sweden, said that optimising brain functioning should be a priority.

"Getting smarter should be a priority!" says some Swedish diploma-mill victim. Pass.

Dr Travis said: ‘People who want to excel in any field should consider learning transcendental meditation.’

In the words of a great poet and philosopher: "I could teach you, but I'd have to charge."

Not a suitable replacement for "hard graft."

Once the provenance of hippies, the technique claims to wipe away anxieties and fears by helping people let go of their thoughts and enter a state of complete relaxation.

Well, that's explains why "Dr. Moonbeam" just cured cancer.

Studies have shown that world-leading sportsmen, composers, authors, chess players and even master criminals, have all put in that amount of effort.

So don't expect to inner-peace your way to successful criminality. 

Examples of those who have put in their 10,000 hours include the Beatles.

*Shrieks loudly and has minor epileptic fit*

Komment Korner  

What is hard graft?

if you meditated for 24 hours per day you could rack up that 10,000 hours in just 416 days if you never slept or ate

Thanks scientists, for once again "discovering" something that everyone with a brain already knew.

A transcendental meditation Luxury Condo is for sale on Heavenly Mountain in Boone, NC for only $69k.

Google 147 Moonlight Ridge Boone NC! You will love this place!

Check Out My Books!

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read a free excerpt here.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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