Wednesday, March 5, 2014

News You Can't Use: Caffeine Dependence Tied to Physical, Emotional Problems

Right now there aren't any serious problems in our nation or the world as a whole, which is nice because it frees up time to pathologize the minutia of day-to-day life, like your addiction to Colombian drugs. By which I mean coffee, of course. Yes, it now appears that consuming massive regular amounts of caffeine, perhaps the equivalent of your own body weight ever day, can cause a veritable laundry list of minor physical and mental problems.

It's 4 in the afternoon, and Adam Sandoval, a San Francisco handyman who starts work very early most mornings, is finishing up his second 16-ounce tumbler of black coffee for the day.

It's 4 pm, the fear is gone/I'm sittin' here waitin' the coffee still warm/Maybe my handyman connection is tired of taking chances/Yeah there's a storm on the loose, caffeine in my head/I'm wrapped up in jitters, all ability to sit still is dead/I can't stop with the tumblers, my whole life spins into a frenzy

Everybody sing!

Help I'm steppin' into the caffeine zone
This place is a coffee house, feels like the various hipsters are cloned
My terrible blue collar job rises with the moon and stars
What am I gonna drink now that the caffeine dependence has gone to far

"I've tried to quit it, but I get headaches," Sandoval, 47, said with a shrug. "So I stopped using sugar and cream. That's the bad stuff. Now I just drink it straight, and it feels like I'm getting more caffeine somehow."

"I am weak of will and pray every day for the sweet release death. I solve my problems with lame half-measures and denial. The pursuit of the Big C has taken my soul, taken everything."

Like millions of Americans, he doesn't see much of a downside to the regular shots of caffeine.

Always with the America bashing. Shouldn't we be blaming the Ottoman Empire?

There's even a medical term to describe it: caffeine use disorder.

As far as medical mumbo-jumbo goes that's pretty weak. What no "Generalized Osman Neuro-Vascular-Caffienation Proliferation Disorder?" Come on medical-industrial complex, put in a little effort.

"Caffeine has caused significant problems for some people," said Laura Juliano, a psychology professor at American University in Washington, D.C., and part of a team of researchers studying the harmful effects of caffeine use disorder.

"Like, I know this crazy dude that drank a case of Jolt cola and stayed up all night running into walls and headbanging to Slayer albums, for example."

"We have people who say caffeine is interfering with their life. They keep saying they're going to stop, but they can't,"

What part of "I'll kick tomorrow" don't you understand?

"I knew one woman who pretty much ruined her husband's tropical vacation because she spent half the day looking for caffeine."

"Please stop climbing the walls honey bun, I'm trying to enjoy this sunset."

Juliano and her team - which includes behavioral science experts from Johns Hopkins School of Medicine and the University of Vermont - wrote a lengthy report late last year about caffeine use disorder and the need for more research in the field.

Has there ever been a research study that wrote a succinct report that concluded the field of study was worthless and deserved no further study? "Yeah, it ain't no big deal. I'm sure you other professors and whatever have better things to do with your time."

For the most part, evidence suggests that caffeine is probably benign in moderate doses.

The problem is, we can't make any of that sweet "false panic money" off of this self-evident conclusion.

More valuable research on "caffeine use disorder."

But when it comes to misuse of caffeine, astonishingly little data exist about how widespread the problem is, Juliano said.
It's almost like the "problem" doesn't actually exist, but we know better.
"We're not talking about cancer here. It's a quality-of-life issue," said Dr. Robert Cowan, director of the Stanford Headache Program.

Please keep your voice down while inside the Stanford Headache Program building.

"I tell patients, 'If you'd rather have daily headaches than give up your caffeine, you can make that choice.' It's not a life-or-death situation," Cowan said.

"Then I load 'em up on sex pills and send those crazy patients on their way."

Komment Korner  

Oh no! I see another sales tax coming!!

Scientists at the Minsk Institute for Food Allergies have made a shocking find. Food is actually addictive. Studies have found that the human body actually comes to depend on substances in food called “nutrients” and a human being can die without these nutrients being provided.

We need to declare a war on coffee. It should take the form of an open ended commitment of 50 or more years with unlimited funding ( couple of trillion ought to do it).

Mankind is in bad need of some hard lessons about pain, real strain, and reality. ...wimps just waiting to die.

And don't get me started about the psychology professor at the heart of this item

Shill Section

Aaron Zehner is the author of "Posts from the Underground," now available in paperback and e-book. Read a free excerpt here.

His first novel The Foolchild Invention is also available in paperback and e-book format. Read free excerpts here and here.

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