News You Can't Use: This Insane Homemade Lightsaber Burns Straight Through Things

If idle hands are the tools of the devil, then idle, nerdy, overly educated hands are the tools of awesome. Some guy, the name apparently isn't important, has created a lightsaber! And it burns through "things." There's a lot of vaguely defined greatness right there. Search your feelings, you know it's true.

A crazy laser enthusiast actually built his own lightsaber capable of burning straight through things.

If wanting to make your own lightsaber makes you "crazy" I have little interest in so-called sanity.  

The monster 3W laser, made from a diode taken out of a DLP projector bolted to two high-power lithium ion laptop batteries, is capable of burning straight through paper, cardboard, wood, and even a ping pong ball.

For some reason the "ping pong" ball is the most impressive part for this author. Are they really that strong? Should I bullet proof my house with a stack of table tennis projectiles?

...and I've used some strong ones, if you know what I'm sayin'.

You certainly wouldn’t want this bad boy pointed in your direction.

I've got a bad feeling about this.

Not quite a real flesh-and-blood lightsaber, but about as close as we’re ever really going to get. 

I'm not sure why this guy is such a pessimist when it comes to laser sword technology. We're already so close! One of those lame "double ones" from that dog-shit prequel is a year or two away, tops.

Just don’t get this thing anywhere near your eyes. 

Or your groin, for that matter.

"If lung cancer cuts me down I'll become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."

Komment Korner 

Lasers scare the crap outta me. I won't even use a laser mouse.

The pussy in me is scared of the refraction and reflections of the beam. 

Here...stand still while I burn a hole in you. ;-)

Aaron Zehner's first novel The Foolchild Invention is available in e-book format at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.